Sander

[Gil (imported)]

Dear Friend

I'm sorry but I have no control over the fact that I'm "circumlocutory". The doctor cut off my forskin the day I was born.

However I will finish all three of my story lines before November 2. SiSC, "Wicked" and Sander will be completed in just a few weeks.

Timothy

Dear Timothy,

My circumlocutory comment was not directed at you personally. I have no way to know if you're a wind bag like me, or not. My comment was directed to the story.

[curious_guy (imported)]

I agree that this was an interesting, well written story. Am looking forward to the sequal(s).

Only suggestion for improvement (and this unfortunately applies to the majority of fiction I've read at this site) is the story is a tad circumlocutory. In fiction, unlike say political punditry, less is more. As Stephen King says, each rewrite should be about 10% less wordy than the previous.

Have you read "Sander's Story - Part 8"? Was it also circumlocutory? If it was, could you suggest what I should have left out?

[seiya_boy (imported)]

I don't like "Part 8".

[curious_guy (imported)]

I don't like "Part 8".

Did you like the previous parts that Timothy wrote?

Can you say why you don't like it? Was there one particular scene you didn't like? Was it the overall tone? Was it the dialog? What could I have done differently that would had made you like it?

[seiya_boy (imported)]

Did you like the previous parts that Timothy wrote?

Can you say why you don't like it? Was there one particular scene you didn't like? Was it the overall tone? Was it the dialog? What could I have done differently that would had made you like it?

I don't like that change writer in Sander or any other stories.

You had writing skill, you might better wrote a story your own.

Just let Timothy finish his story, that's his obligation.

Even that would be a long waiting or an endless waiting, I still don't want to see any other people continue the writing.

About "Part 8", I dislike to see that using testosterone in eunuch boy, especially.

I dislike Matti in your writing.

And I think you didn't write Randal and his nullified well.

That's why I don't like it.

Sorry for made an atmosphere of unhappy here.

But I think that's what I have to say.

[curious_guy (imported)]

About "Part 8", I dislike to see that using testosterone in eunuch boy, especially.

It was just a tiny amount (less than a boy before puberty has) to help keep him skinny and make him enjoy the sex more.

I dislike Matti in your writing. I think you didn't write Randal and his nullified well.

That's why I don't like it.

Sorry for made an atmosphere of unhappy here.

But I think that's what I have to say.

Don't be sorry. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion.

Did you want Matti to like cutting Randal more?

Did you want Matti to like cutting Randal less?

Did you want Sander to change his mind and go to the ceremony and watch Randal's nullification?

Did you want Randal to be less happy with his nullification?

[Slammr (imported)]

I think Curious Guy has done an excellent job continuing the Sander story. He's a polished writer, which may be a slight problem because it causes him to miss Sander's "voice" slightly-but this isn't a criticism. Being a writer myself, I know it would be impossible it recreate Sander's "voice" exactly as Timothy did.

I would prefer to see Timothy complete the story, but have about given up on his completing it. Given the alternative of not having the story completed, I'm grateful to Curious Guy for his efforts.

I once read a series of books, each written by a different author, supposedly continuing the original story. By the last book, the story had no recognizible connection to the first story. Curious Guy hasn't done that. He's still telling us Sander's story.

[curious_guy (imported)]

I think Curious Guy has done an excellent job continuing the Sander story. He's a polished writer, which may be a slight problem because it causes him to miss Sander's "voice" slightly-but this isn't a criticism. Being a writer myself, I know it would be impossible it recreate Sander's "voice" exactly as Timothy did.

Thank you for the compliment. I have gotten quite a few favorable remarks such as: "fantastic", "wow", "warm and sensitive" and one person said that one of my scenes was his second favorite in the series. I am not sure that I deserve so much praise.

You said that I am a "polished writer". I do not know exactly what that means. I suspect that it means different things to different people. Would you care to elaborate.

Timothy gave me permission to finish "Something Wicked This Way Comes". Would you like to beta read it?

[seiya_boy (imported)]

I hope you write a story your own, and just let Timothy finish his story.

[Slammr (imported)]

Thank you for the compliment. I have gotten quite a few favorable remarks such as: "fantastic", "wow", "warm and sensitive" and one person said that one of my scenes was his second favorite in the series. I am not sure that I deserve so much praise.

You said that I am a "polished writer". I do not know exactly what that means. I suspect that it means different things to different people. Would you care to elaborate.

Timothy gave me permission to finish "Something Wicked This Way Comes". Would you like to beta read it?

By polished, I meant skillful-no grammatical, spelling or syntax errors. I found no fault with your writing. I thought you did an excellent job. The only suggestion I might have is to not write so well. Sander is a young kid. He's going to mess up occasionally. That's part of the charm of Timothy's Sander. He talks like a kid. Could I do better than you have-Hell No! You've done a great job. It's almost impossible to imitate another author's "voice." I would venture to say, though, that if Timothy had posted your story under his name, few, if any of us, would have known you had written it, especially since we knew he was asking for assistance on the story. There's very little difference in Sander's "voice" between part 7 and part 8, but I know Timothy had help on that part.

Here's a paragraph from Sander 3:

I didn't ask if Chris cried or not.* I didn't really want to know.* Soon Ben and my dad came to find us and take us to Ben's place for the evening. I was sort of sorry to leave the other kids. I wanted to spend more time with them and find out if what Chris was saying was true, although I could see no reason for him to lie.

Normally, I wouldn't use "sort of," when writing, but a kid would. I think that such slight grammatical mistakes add to Sander's voice.

I'd be glad to beta read "Wicked" for you, although I don't know how much help I'd be. My email address is [email protected]