Introduction

[Cimarron (imported)]

Greetings, I'm not sure how to write this other than to lay out the basic facts. I'm not a eunuch but late last year I had most of my penis removed as the result of an accident at work (I've since changed jobs). I've only recently become interested in reentering the world socially. I've been visiting this site for a while and feel that this is a place in which I'd be accepted. Its been very difficult and not what I would have chosen but life goes on. So, this is my hello to the part of the world which visits this site.

[Shortie (imported)]

Greetings, I'm not sure how to write this other than to lay out the basic facts. I'm not a eunuch but late last year I had most of my penis removed as the result of an accident at work (I've since changed jobs). I've only recently become interested in reentering the world socially. I've been visiting this site for a while and feel that this is a place in which I'd be accepted. Its been very difficult and not what I would have chosen but life goes on. So, this is my hello to the part of the world which visits this site.

Hi, Cimarron,

Glad you've joined us here. I hope your experience is as positive as mine has been. I came here looking for "fellow travelers" who would realize that just because a man has lost part of his second most precious possession, doesn't mean he's lost any hope of a sex life. Found it, too, for the most part.

Unlike you, I didn't lose "most" of my penis (thank God for small favors!), just the glans. The effect that had on my mental health was devastating, and I was on the verge of putting an end to it all when the woman who is now my wife found me. Although I received mental-health counseling, it was of little or no use to me. What my wife gave me is beyond measure, for she showed me there is life (and sex) in the picture for those of us who are no longer "whole" men.

I was wondering if you, too, had received psychiatric counseling, and if so, what is your opinion of its usefulness. In my own case, I have no use whatsoever for any of the advice that was given me, including the so-called "coping mechanisms." Just so much balderdash to me. What I wanted to be told, or shown, was that a woman would want me, and the counseling sessions could never do that. It took a woman to convince me there was a place in this old world for someone like me, and that's what happened. I'd never believed in God before that happened, but now I know for certain that She exists.

Again, welcome. Glad to have you among us.

Shortie

[Cimarron (imported)]

Thanks for the very thoughtfull reply. Yes, I did receive psychiatric counseling but, like you, didn't find it very helpfull. It was of some value to talk about it, once I felt ready to, but it was too academic. You put it best when you said "

What I wanted to be told, or shown, was that a woman would want me, and the counseling sessions could never do that.

"

I realize that there's much more to life than sex but sometimes I feel I will go mad, than I can never experience it in the usual way again but still having the desire. Every attractive woman is a reminder. I think about it more than ever now which I guess is only to be expected. In my darker periods I've considered castration as a means of relief but I don't think I could really give up what I have left. And it might cause as many problems as it would solve so I'm not seriously considering it. Its very difficult but I haven't given up.

[Shortie (imported)]

Thanks for the very thoughtfull reply. Yes, I did receive psychiatric counseling but, like you, didn't find it very helpfull. It was of some value to talk about it, once I felt ready to, but it was too academic. You put it best when you said "

What I wanted to be told, or shown, was that a woman would want me, and

the counseling sessions could never do that.

"

I realize that there's much more to life than sex but sometimes I feel I will go mad, than I can never experience it in the usual way again but still having the desire. Every attractive woman is a reminder. I think about it more than ever now which I guess is only to be expected. In my darker periods I've considered castration as a means of relief but I don't think I could really give up what I have left. And it might cause as many problems as it would solve so I'm not seriously con

sidering it. Its very difficult but I haven't given up.

I think you're already on the road to adjusting, whether or not you know it. Your realization that there's more to life than sex is a good start. Once you start down that road, you'll eventually be able to accept yourself as a good person once again, and with that acceptance will come an inner peace that can't be described, only experienced.

Believe me when I say there are many women out there who would be fascinated by your situation. The problem is in separating the "kooks" from the ones who can accept you as you are, and find the situation arousing. In my own case, it was what had been done to me that fascinated my wife when she first learned of it. She's told me many times that if I had been a "whole" man, she'd have lost interest after a few months. It's that single thing that makes me so conflicted about my mutilation. It was simply the most painful thing imaginable, yet it brought the best thing ever into my life, my wife. Sometimes it makes my head spin trying to come to some sort of resolution when I ask myself the question, "Would I voluntarily go through that again, knowing how horrible the pain was, yet knowing that if I didn't, Sharon would never have married me?" Still can't answer it; probably never will.

As for castration allowing relief from thoughts of sex, I can offer this: I was born and raised on a sheep and cattle ranch. Castration was a way of life there, as you can probably imagine. It was normally done quite early in the life of the animal, and in 99.9% of the cases, they showed no ill-effects, and seemed to have no interest in anything of a sexual nature.

However, when the animal was castrated after it'd reached sexual maturity, there was no diminution of sex drive. In fact, the horniest animal on the whole place was a horse that we'd bought when it was five years old. It was a stallion then, and just couldn't get along with the other horses because of its temperament.

Dad thought that if we castrated it, it'd settle down. I guess the operation was partially successful, since after a few months it did seem to get along better with the other horses. However, it never did lose its interest in sex, and had an erection literally all the time. There were some days when it'd try to mount the mares several times. Of course, they wouldn't stand still for him, unless they were in heat, but that didn't stop him from trying.

I guess my point is this: Don't think that just because you lose your balls you'll also lose your interest in sex. The sex drive may diminish somewhat, but that's not an ironclad guarantee. I've heard that the use of drugs such a Depoprovera can be helpful, but know nothing whatsoever about them. Maybe somebody else here on the Message Board can help you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is just hang in there. As Snow White said, "Someday my prince will come." In my case, my "prince" was the woman who's now my wife. It can happen.

[sag111 (imported)]

Cimarron i to am glad that you have found this site and i think as you read you will find most if not all are very surportave in here.I have been comming in here for the past 5 or 6 years and i find it to be the best support group on the web.I am sorry that you had the accident that has changed your life but happy that you have found a woman that could love you for who you are.

[JesusA (imported)]

Cimmaron,

Welcome to the Archive. I think that you’ll find this a sympathetic place, with many people will to listen and give advice. I am continually amazed at both the variety of people here and the kindness that they show.

I would like to suggest that you check out two posts that might help you with your questions. One is a recent post by Glenda J., titled The Straight Married Eunuch (http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=5453). Glenda J. is a long-time Archive member who seldom posts, but whose posts are always worth reading and thinking about. This one fits very closely with the questions that you have asked.

A second post that you should probably read is Castration Anxiety, (http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/C/ea_195222castrati.htm) an article by Prof. Richard Wassersug. Dr. Wassersug teaches in a medical school and was recently castrated as part of his treatment for prostate cancer. What he has to say about sexuality should be of great use to you.

Clicking on the post titles above should take you straight to each of them.

As you read the various posts on the Archive, please ask any additional questions that you have. There are certainly many folk here who will try to help.

Jesus

[Cimarron (imported)]

Hi Sag, thank you for the welcome. I was unsure about posting here but its been a good experience thus far. I your last line I think you were confusing me with Shortie (about having found a woman etc.) but perhaps it will become true for me eventually.

And Jesus, thanks for directing me to those posts. Interesting and informative.

Cimarron

Cimarron i to am glad that you have found this site and i think as you read you will find most if not all are very surportave in here.I have been comming in here for the past 5 or 6 years and i find it to be the best support group on the web.I am sorry that you had the accident that has changed your life but happy that you have found a woman that could love you for who you are.

[Cimarron (imported)]

I the abstract I can see that that there are women who would be interested, as you say. Of course its not an interest one would talk about openly, and I certainly wouldn't be talking about my situation exept to a doctor or in an anonymous situation like this. How did you meet your wife, Shortie? And if I may ask, how did the subject of your "alteration" come up?

I can see how you're conflicted about whether you'd choose to go thru that again. I guess the bright side is that it won't be necessary to make that choice.

I've read that the sex drive among eunuchs varies. Some are more responsive to testosterone than others and the (adrenal glan? I don't remember which for sure) produces small amounts of the hormone. So I agree that castration isn't a guarantee. In any case, I decided early on not to do anything rash and to not make any major decisions until I could make them calmly. Implusiveness gets people into more trouble than anything.

I suppose that all makes me sound more stable and rational than I feel. I get through each day, and each week. I dont' obsess about my situation every minute. But I have my dark periods: drinking a bit too much, tormenting myself with too much internet porn, throwing things (at home, in private. How does that song go? "I'm not sick but I'm not well." Something like that).

Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement.

Cimarron

...................................

Believe me when I say there are many women out there who would be fascinated by your situation. The problem is in separating the "kooks" from the ones who can accept you as you are, and find the situation arousing. In my own case, it was what had been done to me that fascinated my wife when she first learned of it. She's told me many times that if I had been a "whole" man, she'd have lost interest after a few months. It's that single thing that makes me so conflicted about my mutilation. It was simply the most painful thing imaginable, yet it brought the best thing ever into my life, my wife. Sometimes it makes my head spin trying to come to some sort of resolution when I ask myself the question, "Would I voluntarily go through that again, knowing how horrible the pain was, yet knowing that if I didn't, Sharon would never have married me?" Still can't answer it; probably never will.

......................

I guess my point is this: Don't think that just because you lose your balls you'll also lose your interest in sex. The sex drive may diminish somewhat, but that's not an ironclad guarantee. I've heard that the use of drugs such a Depoprovera can be helpful, but know nothing whatsoever about them. Maybe somebody else here on the Message Board can help you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is just hang in there. As Snow White said, "Someday my prince will come." In my case, my "prince" was the woman who's now my wife. It can happen.

[Shortie (imported)]

How did you meet your wife, Shortie? And if I may ask, how did the subject of your "alteration" come up?

Cimarron

Hello again, Cimarron,

When I returned from my vacation in California, minus a small piece of my anatomy, whether deliberately or unconsciously, I cut myself off from contact with my family and everyone I'd known. I moved into Denver and rented a rundown apartment, then became almost a recluse.

I started drinking heavily, which was something I'd never done. I began to frequent bars, which my therapist said was an unconscious attempt to repeat the scene in California (don't know about that, but sounds reasonable).

After being fired from three jobs in construction, the last as a common laborer, I sat in my chair one night crying. I have no idea where it came from, but suddenly a resolution formed in my fucked-up brain, and I told myself that I'd give life one more try. If that didn't work out, I had every intention of committing suicide.

I had at one time taught high school English, and, as most English teachers seem to do, fancied myself as having the aptitude to become a writer. I resolved to give that one shot, and in order to polish my skills, signed up for a writer's workshop. Of course, as everyone reading this can predict, Sharon was the presenter at the workshop.

I fell in love the moment I saw her. Her raven-black hair, her flashing obsidian eyes, her easy humor, and even her Hispanic accent simply captivated me. I was lost.

Somehow I summoned the courage to ask her a question after the presentation, prefacing my query with, "Ms. ______,". She later told me that my courtesy is what caused her to separate me from the common crowd that addressed her as "Sharon" (not her real name, of course. Neither of us will ever reveal that on the EA). Her upbringing taught her that males were never to address an unmarried woman by her familiar name, and she always cringed inside when someone did so.

She invited me to join her for coffee after the workshop, and I did. We saw each other, on a dating basis, several times during the next two months. One night she invited me to her home for dinner, and of course I went.

One thing led to another, and when it became evident that sex was in the picture, I very haltingly said that I'd had an accident "down there." She wouldn't let the subject drop, and after question after question from her, I finally said that my penis had been damaged in a construction accident. She wanted to know if it still worked, and when I said that it did, she said, "Let's see for sure." When she began to unfasten my jeans, I was simply frozen in place.

Things progressed very quickly from that point. Even then, I could tell that Sharon was fascinated by my Headless Horseman, as she quickly named it. It took her less than a month to at last get me to tell her the true story, and that set the tone for our relationship ever since.

The short story is that I was at the end of my rope, God knew it, and She sent me to Sharon to be saved. I went, and I was. I'll never believe it was coincidence, but I don't require others to share my belief.

Anyway, that's how my life today came about. We still live in the area, although not in Denver anymore. I've reconciled with my family and friends, they love Sharon, and she them. I wish the same sort of positive outcome for you, Cimarron, although I have no idea how to bring it about. I didn't plan what happened to me, so have no advice to offer to you, except for this: don't ever lose hope; things happen, and sometimes they're for the better.

Shortie

[Cimarron (imported)]

Thanks for telling your story, Shortie. Things worked out great for you! It gives one hope.

I can relate to avoiding contact with family and friends. Its less of a problem with family members since none live nearby. Actually I haven't wanted to be around anyone whatsoever. I'm sure that won't last but for now this form of contact will do.