surf_toad (imported) wrote: Sat May 15, 2004 1:27 pm
i love you Andrew. i am just not hanging out in the chatroom until i am stronger. i care too much for everybody and the last couple of months have been difficult for me! thanks all that have replied. i will get better. i need you guys. this is my only world.
I regret that I rarely visit the chat room nowadays. Mostly because I am so busy with other things. Especially my 4 senior cats. Time time time...
I would prefer to use your real name when replying to this very personal post ......... but I dont know it, despite having chatted to you and shared much with you over the past number of months. You are obviously a very private person and I will respect your privacy.
For what it is worth, my legal name is Ciara. It is neither my birth name, nor would it necessarily be my name of choice but as someone who was baptised as Ciaran, it makes sense that it is my legal name these days.
You have two faults Toad .................
The first is that you don't realise your strength or your contribution to EA, esp. the chatroom. I have spoken to you about my frustration at the level of debate, or rather lack of it, in the chatroom. Quite simply, the chatroom without Toad is a much more empty and less friendly space than when Toad is present. Were it not for you &, to a lesser extent, 2 or 3 others I wouldn't be a visitor to the chatroom. If you do leave the chatroom, then I won't be back ......... thats' not a threat, it is simply reality ........ you fail to appreciate your contribution to this room. You are the closest thing that the chatroom has to a relationship manager and, if that is the correct name for your role there, it is a role you perform with excellence.
Your second fault is that you are too loving a person .......... and, unfortunately, I do mean that is a fault as, in the 21st century, people who are too loving are the first to get hurt, to get trodden on etc and the people to whom the insecure first look when they make accusations. As a consequence, many of us put on an outer facade of strength and try to ignore those things that cause us angst. Sometimes we can do this, sometimes we cannot ......... is it any wonder that stress levels across USA & Western Europe are at record levels ???
As for the comments you have received ........... I would like you to expose these faceless people but can totally appreciate that you may not want to do this. What I would reiterate is that the opinions of your close friends on this forum (especially Sag, Jema, Christina, IEunuch ...... but there are others too) surely count for more than the opinions of cowards.
I also know that you have had a difficulty over a misunderstanding with one member of the Forum ........... that is sad, but misunderstandings do occur and are more prevalent when the communication is electronic and not face to face. But, you and her can overcome this ....... re-establishing a friendship is possible and, due to your openess & honesty, should not be that difficult. In fact, such a friendship can be strenghtened in these situations - as the angst and gap in your life when you lose a friendship is the most direct way of telling both of you what the friendship really means.
Oh by the way, Toad, I mentioned what I saw as your 2 faults above. I didn't mention your strengths. In terms of your strengths, I could talk about your friendly manner, your intelligence, the broad perspective in which you can view and appreciate life, your humour (even if I think American humour sucks), your ease for making people feel comfortable ...... and I could continue with the list but it would take too long and I don't like using too many words so, to summarise, your strength is your humanity ...... but you must know this already
Surf_Toad, You know how I care about you. I love you Surf, when you're down I feel sad inside. You have done so much for me in chat when I was hurting inside, because of my height and size; You made me feel pretty and very much a woman.
Its a sad reality that so many people just won't ever understand us,The word is full of bigots and homophobes. They are the ones missing out: For they will never get to really know such warm and beautiful people as yourself.
One thing I have learned here is to have Hope. No matter how you think the cards are stacked against you. There is always hope. And your situation Can change, just when you least expect it. So put on a smile Surf_Toad, and have Hope.
Don't stay away long. You are a part of this family.
i would have to say I probaly have those to fults also, and can understand your frustrations. I can usually recognize ASSHOLEs that are lying or playing games or just wanting to get off and ignor them. However some ASSHOLES are not easy to spot.
A prime example is someone that befriended me, claiming they were in 20s and castrated against their will because of cancers. I spent over 6 months chatting with him on and off before I finally found out he was a a 5x year old bastard just plaing mind games to get heimself off. Things like that are very hard to deal with.
I right now I am dealing with another ASSHOLE that is stalking me and making me feel uncomfortable. He has finally given up at least for the time being. I personally have learned to ignor any AOL user as they seem to be the worst for causing problems. There are some good AOL users in the chat room but they equate to about 5%.
If anyone have any problems with certain users please inform one of the Operators they have @ in front of their names. The same goes for other ops bring your concerns to me or another Op in the room and I/they will try and help resolve the problem.
wow, I loose my dsl line for 10 days and dial up is well it is not, but I am back online again.
It is my possition that no one should be insulted, stocked, etc in the chat room. op or chat user. The chat room is and must be a friendly place. I have a lot of ops to help that along as we all cant be on at the same time.
Toad, I am sorry, I am real sorry because I have no idea what happened. If you want to talk about it with me my email address is Riverwind@eunuch.org .
The Eunuch Archive is made up of people from every walk of life, age, sexual preference, we are str8, gay, bi, transgendered, young, old, married, divorsed, with partner, alone, we are all colors, and all nationallities. We are a melting pot with some of the best people I have ever met, some only here in the chat room others in person.
We must remember that we are all different and have different backgrounds and embrace them, not insult them.
As Luvpain said above, if someone is bothering you tell an op @. All ops pass this information on to me.
Insult someone in my chat room and I will ban you and your whole f cou----- no that was another case.
