Even later that day, on Late-night T.V.

[A-1 (imported)]

"My only hope is when those terrorists get to Heaven, they meet up with the kind of virgins we had in Catholic school: Sister Mike Ditka from Our Mother of Eternal Retribution."

- Robin Williams

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"Counter-terrorism experts say that Osama bin Laden may be hiding secret messages on pornographic websites. You know what that means ... Clinton could find this guy before Bush."

- Jay Leno

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"After an exhaustive six-month investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here, okay? Hard to believe you were invaded, twice."

- Jay Leno

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"Some human rights groups are complaining that the al-Qaeda detainees in Guantanamo Bay are being treated inhumanly. Oh please! They're in the Caribbean in January, okay? Add some goats and sheep to the place and they'd think it was Temptation Island."

- Jay Leno

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"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week and not a minute too soon: the French are acting as advisers to the remaining Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly."

- Jay Leno

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"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word "peace." Right idea, wrong president."

- Jay Leno