Love that book!

[JesusA (imported)]

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to:

"Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."

Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely on biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, a female (and her sisters, if any) may get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)

[_g (imported)]

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to:

"Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."

clip......

G. In lieu of marriage, a female (and her sisters, if any) may get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)

Bad, But the Good Book is law

_g

[Paolo]

Well, doesn't this just open up a whole can of worms?! I rather like the thing about the virgins! That outta keep the marriage rate down. And let's not overlook "F" there - remember Onan...God will get you!

And we mustn't forget all of the other Old Testament laws, too. Kiss that bacon goodbye! Warm up the stones and your throwing arm for those disobedient sons, and just what IS the market value on selling off your excess daughters?

Damn, and to think nowadays if you so much as spank a child, you're arrested and put under scrutiny for up to a year.

I say bring back the Bible, God-dammit! Let's get all Biblical on the criminals and bad kids. Cut the wood, there's people to crucify out there! Can you imagine the money I'd make shooting weddings with multiple brides?!

Slavery, circumcisions, war, plagues of Biblical proportions, miracles, hell - I'm all for it! Let's go out and find some Phillistines to kill with the jaw bone of an ass!

<removes tongue from cheek now>

[A-1 (imported)]

Paolo is RIGHT!!!!

I SAY F*** ALL THE VIRGINS...

A-1

[A-1 (imported)]

Damned right,

What is a virgin these days if not an ugly 12 year old?

Stinkin' FISHFINGERS....

A-1

[John70 (imported)]

Jesus... you have made me very happy. Do you mind if I put this on the radio??

[JesusA (imported)]

John,

I wish that I could take credit for writing it, but it came from an 84 year-old woman that I have worked with. She asked that it be distributed as widely as possible. She's clever enough to be the author, but I haven't been able to contact her to find out. Just attribute it to "Internet folklore" and hope that it spreads more widely yet.

Jesus

[John70 (imported)]

Thanks! I can't wait to put this on.