Consequences of Castration

[surf_toad (imported)]

I cannot tell you all how guilty I feel. I, like many of the fantasy writers here live in the dichotomy of having a life in the “normal” world while my fantasy life lives way beyond the edge. I have been coming here since Bboy was on Netcom and I really need this site as I have never felt comfortable living my life as a male.

Outwardly, I am successful and appear well adjusted but inwardly I have this hatred for the things between my legs. I have met with IEunuch personally and spent a wonderful day with him. I have my head screwed on straight though and we really did not discuss much besides our mutual depression and lives that were, well, different.

Not in the ways you would think, but in that we both deal with issues, though not uncommon here, are not as cut and dried as you would think. Both of us got to were we are in highly different ways. I am still male and probably always will be. My life choices have revolved around giving into the wills of my family. We agreed that both suffer the same only differently.

I choose to remain unhappily male so I can fit into the world I live in. His choices were different but the result is the same. Some may say that he would be just as depressed had he remained male and that the castration had little to do with it, but they would be wrong. Some may say I am being disloyal to my emotions but they never walked a mile in my shoes either.

If you are curious and are here for the information that is all throughout this site, please read everything and also read into everything. That is what this site is here for.

Well that’s my 2 cents worth.

[JeffEunuch (imported)]

I've had some similar issues. I don't know if you ever read one of my posts but I had both testicles stretched in a bike accident when I was 14. Now at age 47 they get infected very easily if they get squeezed or bumped. I'm really worried that if I get castrated (as my urologist has been advising for years) and at some point I don't get my shots that I will deteriorate and maybe die. But the truth is that my balls don't make much T anyway. So I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I am. I think I'm also self-conscious of other men seeing me in the locker room with an empty scrotum and I don't want implants.

Yeah DocT, let us know how it goes following your visit to your new urologist. Of course, the fate of your testicles is ultimately yours to decide. Like I had concluded for myself, it sounds like losing them would not be such a large loss. I decided I didn't want implants either. I'm a social nudist, and I anguished for a long time on what others would think on seeing me with no testicles. In the end, someone convinced me that it shouldn't matter.

That conclusion turned out to be absolutely correct. Hardly anyone notices. I think a few people do, or they strongly suspect that I don't have balls, but no one says anything. It's like asking an amputee what happened to his limb(s). People seldom ask, and they don't think any less of you because you may be ballless. A couple of casual sex partners have asked. A few guys, including a few casual sex partners, have thought it was neat and have complemented me on being ballless. My partner likes my ballless crotch. I just returned from a 5-day Radical Faerie gathering where I was nude much of the time amongst 165 other men. Not a peep about balllessness from anyone.

I've had 2 rings inserted in my scrotum. Almost everyone has said they look neat. I think the piercings stop many from also observing that my scrotum is but a piece of skin.

Anyway, best of luck.

[Leona Lee (imported)]

I cannot tell you all how guilty I feel. I, like many of the fantasy writers here live in the dichotomy of having a life in the “normal” world while my fantasy life lives way beyond the edge. I have been coming here since Bboy was on Netcom and I really need this site as I have never felt comfortable living my life as a male.

Outwardly, I am successful and appear well adjusted but inwardly I have this hatred for the things between my legs. I have met with IEunuch personally and spent a wonderful day with him. I have my head screwed on straight though and we really did not discuss much besides our mutual depression and lives that were, well, different.

Not in the ways you would think, but in that we both deal with issues, though not uncommon here, are not as cut and dried as you would think. Both of us got to were we are in highly different ways. I am still male and probably always will be. My life choices have revolved around giving into the wills of my family. We agreed that both suffer the same only differently.

I choose to remain unhappily male so I can fit into the world I live in. His choices were different but the result is the same. Some may say that he would be just as depressed had he remained male and that the castration had little to do with it, but they would be wrong. Some may say I am being disloyal to my emotions but they never walked a mile in my shoes either.

If you are curious and are here for the information that is all throughout this site, please read everything and also read into everything. That is what this site is here for.

Well that’s my 2 cents worth.

Hi Toad and All Interested Parties. I agree with what you and other's are saying. I am in the process of transitioning back.I will miss my female side very much. Fortunately, I'm uncut so good ol' Mr. T is begining to reappear. I've joined a Christain group and seems to be a lot of help. I too, have been suicidal and all my post's show it. My mind set has been all over the place. My most recent testosterone test was "10". I was an emotional mess. I'm 58 and my whole family was ready to bail out. My wife[who I love very much] was ready to go saying she wouldn't be married to her sister. This Gender Disphoria is tuff stuff. I've not been a sissy but an Ol Tuff Guy from the "60s". Fight, drink, dope whatever is happening.I now have a much different outlook on all these things here at EA.

I think I know something about what I'm talking about. I was reduced to an emotional wreck, I'd cry at the drop of a hat. Pretty tuff for somebody that never cried. Now I have this transgender thing to deal with for the rest of my life. I love Leona very much and she will alway's live in my heart. I will survive, I alway's have.Hugs, Leona

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Leona, I wish you well with whatever you decide that you need to do. You've probably gotten to know yourself far better than most people could ever do. When things get difficult for you remember that you have friends here --FLO--

[Leona Lee (imported)]

Hi Uncle Flo! Thank you for that heart-warming statement. Leona will be around EA just with a slightly different attitude. Much more anchored, I'm still me. EA is like a special family to me, many of the positive things about me will be out there, just the flighty stuff and unstable things will be gone. Hugs, Leona

[Skopztikov (imported)]

Leona, I don't visit the EA often enough, so I've missed two months of information, but the above tells me all I need to know. Gender Dysphoria is really tough, no matter how you slice it. No matter what path one chooses to take, there is a price tag. I identify with so much of what you wrote.

Low T levels have left me profoundly emotional, too. I can go any direction, up down and sideways, at a moment's notice. I've cried at silly sentimental ballads, and I've sobbed uncontrollably remembering childhood sex abuse I'd blocked for almost 50 years. When a very close eunuch friend nearly succeeded in taking his life last May, I fell into a pit so black and deep, I forgot what light was like. I came very close to following him. I left a girlfriend at the time when I realised I loved my suicidal eunuch friend more than her!

I don't know if labels like gay, straight, bi or transgender even have meaning now. What the heck does "sexual orientation" mean to a eunuch anyway? Everyone is the opposite "sex" to me now! You're all people to me now.

What a life this is! It's gone upside down and inside out. Yet, some part of me would not trade this non-standard and richer life for one moment of the old one. It's a wild ride, but the colours are breathtaking.

Whatever your choice, Leona, I support you. Each one of us has our own path to travel, and I wouldn't dare to think I knew what was best for another person. How could I? I can hardly judge what's best for myself most of the time. We have a saying in a group to which I belong: "Stick with the winners!" You're a winner in my eyes.

Greg

[sag111 (imported)]

WOW what a beneficial post!

As some of you may know I had my orchiectomy last June but before that I was on chemical castration drugs for two years. So i tried it out first.

I have found out one thing though. The body needs some kind of hormones. We can't or shouldn't go cold turkey. It just doesn't work. About two months after my surgery i had to go on 2.50 Premarin to keep things in a balance so that i was comfortable with me. I and my wife are very pleased with the choice we chose. We get along better than we ever have. And, as my doctor told me, testosterone isn't good for everyone.

Would i reccomend this for anyone else? Well i feel the answer is in the person that has the problem that has brought him to this site and to this decision. For me, i have no regrets. Now do i have problems because of my decission? Yes, i do. My body aches. I know i am not as strong as i was. But for me all these things are worth every day i am living as a eunuch.

I would never want to go back to the person i was. I don’t even like that person anymore.

If anyone is reading this and is thinking of castration please try chemical castration first and never do this because of some fantasy. I think in most cases you will find the fantasy to be a nightmare. Not the fun life you thought it would be. So don’t look at me and say ‘he did it and look how happy he is.’ It may be the worst thing you ever did.

So try this out first and see if your body will adjust to it and see if its right for you. And if you're young, try antidepresents first. The younger you are, the more health problems you may find knocking at your door whether you like it or not.

And last, but not least, READ everything you can find on this because understanding everything that you will face good or bad is your best friend when concidering this. AND REMEMBER THIS ISN’T A GAME!!! IT’S DEADLEY SERIOUS. SO KNOW WHAT YOU REALY WANT BEFORE YOU GO UNDER THE KNIFE.

I love you all here so please be careful and as Red Skelton said, “God bless.”

[Leona Lee (imported)]

Hi All! Thank you all so much for your care and support.

I will continue to post at EA. This is very helpful .We all have our struggles and EA is my cyber family. Leona lives inside of me and I love everything about her. I'm doing OK . Thank's again, Leona

[JesusA (imported)]

I want to apologize to both Sag111 and Leona Lee for accidentally deleting their posts. I clicked "validate" for both on the Moderator Panel and they both went up in smoke. Both posts were positive responses to Skoptzikov's post and were very well-written items.

[talula]

Well we know now not to let Jesus near the big Red Button that says "Start Thermo-Nuclear War".

heheheh

tal