Hi everyone :)

[Iwtbaw (imported)]

I am new to the forum and from the posts I've read I feel I am at home.

I am 47 years old and have wanted to be female since about the age of five. I am comming clean getting this big burdon off my chest. I have never told my family, They wouldnt understand and I don't want to hurt them.

These feelings have been pent up in me all these years. I have been deppressed most of my latter life.

I am not a TV. I am in a kind of limbo in anguish a prisoner of my own body.

On Dec. 8th I banded myself. I would not recomend this to anyone as It is not intended for humans . Banding is for newly born livestock with the testes undeveloped.This is what took place:

Self castration is very risky and chances are you will be heading to the ER to have it finished like I did.

I tried my hand at banding myself because I knew that there wasn't any doctors in my area that would preform an orchandectomy on me nor did I have the funds for one.

Everything went well or so I thought for five days after, the sack mostly had dried up and what a stench that I could hardly conceal. But after closer examination I came to the conclusion that this was not going to heal and just fall off as first thought. So one morning I drove myself to the ER and had to embarasingly explain my reasons for trying to as the doctors say "Hurt Myself" I was promised that a Phyciatrist would be seeing me at some point after the operation. I woke up after the operation and was pretty much pain free and the nurses were the best.I don't know what they thought about me inside but to their credit they didn't show it.I had to stay overnight. Its been a week now and where they removed the dried up sack has been an open wound where as I have to twice daily change dressings. The open wound is suppose to close to gether by itself.

The Phyciatrist did come as they said and it was a woman, which I would prefer thinking a woman to be more understanding. Well as it turned out she had never talked to anyone like me before and didn't understand my feelings. It was a waste of her and my time. Next a social worker walks in the suggest I see a Phyciatrist on my own and promises to set me up with one that has experience in my type of behavior.

So to try to save money I didn't this will cost me thousands, compared to comparitvly less had I had the in office Orchindectomy done.

Andrew is right on when he says to have the procedure done by a qualified doctor.

Do I have any regrets. I don't, I acomplished my goal howbeit the wrong way.

My next wish is to have a Penectomy done as I have no use for that annatomy.

Like I said I am glad to be here, you all seem like friends. Hi everyone!

Iwtbaw

[sag111 (imported)]

YES you are amoung friends here and it is the best support group that i know of for people like you and me.I dont feel the same way as you about my gender but i do understand you and support you as you will notice most here will.Isee that you have found the chat room also and i would love to chat with you some day so take care my friend.

[Iwtbaw (imported)]

YES you are amoung friends here and it is the best support group that i know of for people like you and me.I dont feel the same way as you about my gender but i do understand you and support you as you will notice most here will.Isee that you have found the chat room also and i would love to chat with you some day so take care my friend.

Thanks Sag That means alot to me just to have any kind of support. You know there's just not enough love in this old world to go around, but the'res plenty right here. I 'd love to chat with you as well.

Iwtbaw

[Blaise (imported)]

You are among friends here. I am daily amazed by the level of empathy and knowledge that those who post here exhibit. However, I ought not to be astonished. Self-help groups seem to surpass in intimate knowledge what professionals know. Professionals can and do have cultural limitations to their understanding.

Thus, I am not surprised that a psychiatrist and a social worker would fail to help you. You may or may not find clinicians who understand just as you may or may not find surgeons who understand.

Rest assured that eunuchs and celibates, like all other human beings, go through stages of psychosexual formation. We experience healthy as well as unhealthy forms of intimacy.

I hope the clinicians will learn better how to help us just as they learned how to help homosexual folks deal not with being homosexual but with living life as any other human being does.

Having said this, I do not consider desiring to be a eunuch a disease, even though I got treatment for it, any more than I mechanically think anyone seeking gender change ill. Still, we do have to understand that the psychosexual development of a male wanting to be a woman is probably not the same as that of someone born with the body of a woman and growing up as a woman and who feels so at home with her gender that she does not think about a change. The operative notion is difference in stages of development and point-of-view.

We must realise, however, that many clinicians will disagree. We must talk as we do here and learn from each other so that we can respond appropriately to those who oppose us.

I am new to the forum and from the posts I've read I feel I am at home.

I am 47 years old and have wanted to be female since about the age of five. I am comming clean getting this big burdon off my chest. I have never told my family, They wouldnt understand and I don't want to hurt them.

These feelings have been pent up in me all these years. I have been deppressed most of my latter life.

I am not a TV. I am in a kind of limbo in anguish a prisoner of my own body.

On Dec. 8th I banded myself. I would not recomend this to anyone as It is not intended for humans . Banding is for newly born livestock with the testes undeveloped.This is what took place:

Self castration is very risky and chances are you will be heading to the ER to have it finished like I did.

I tried my hand at banding myself because I knew that there wasn't any doctors in my area that would preform an orchandectomy on me nor did I have the funds for one.

Everything went well or so I thought for five days after, the sack mostly had dried up and what a stench that I could hardly conceal. But after closer examination I came to the conclusion that this was not going to heal and just fall off as first thought. So one morning I drove myself to the ER and had to embarasingly explain my reasons for trying to as the doctors say "Hurt Myself" I was promised that a Phyciatrist would be seeing me at some point after the operation. I woke up after the operation and was pretty much pain free and the nurses were the best.I don't know what they thought about me inside but to their credit they didn't show it.I had to stay overnight. Its been a week now and where they removed the dried up sack has been an open wound where as I have to twice daily change dressings. The open wound is suppose to close to gether by itself.

The Phyciatrist did come as they said and it was a woman, which I would prefer thinking a woman to be more understanding. Well as it turned out she had never talked to anyone like me before and didn't understand my feelings. It was a waste of her and my time. Next a social worker walks in the suggest I see a Phyciatrist on my own and promises to set me up with one that has experience in my type of behavior.

So to try to save money I didn't this will cost me thousands, compared to comparitvly less had I had the in office Orchindectomy done.

Andrew is right on when he says to have the procedure done by a qualified doctor.

Do I have any regrets. I don't, I acomplished my goal howbeit the wrong way.

My next wish is to have a Penectomy done as I have no use for that annatomy.

Like I said I am glad to be here, you all seem like friends. Hi everyone!

Iwtbaw