If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
Do U think I'm GAY!
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kasper (imported)
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Do U think I'm GAY!
I have always considered myself straight, but I have also had desires of being intimate with other men, I also have an attraction to Transexuals.I find these issues a little confusing to say the least, and have always been too scared to do anything more than just fantasize about these desires, what do you think
If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
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Losethem (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
Honestly, I'd say that at the least you have bi-sexual tendencies. Just becuase you have never had relations with a man does not mean that you don't have leanings to do so. If it is something you need to explore, I'd say go for it. It is better to explore and know who or what you are for certain than to have questions and doubts for the rest of your life.
Myself, I'm almost exactly your age (if you posted the right info on your profile) within 2 1/2 months. I too at one time though I was straight, but I kept having fantasies about being with men, having relations with men, and so forth. I had 3 failed heterosexual relationships of which only in one did sexual relations occur. The sex in the hetero relationship was fine, and it felt good, but I also felt like something was missing.
After that relationship I went celibate for about 4 years. I agonized over my feelings, having thoughts of society not being accepting of homosexuality, fear of gay bashing (especially close to me since I was at one time a student at the same University as Matthew Shepard), and so forth. I was so conviced I needed to, "knock myself straight" that I joined the US Armed Forces.
Guess what happened about half way though my hitch there? Yup, the full on realization that I am a homosexual male. After a few bouts of depression and suicidal feelings (which I managed to work out on my own) one morning after morning exercises I was taking a shower and I was alone in my barracks room (roommate had not returned yet) and I had a short, good cry, and admitted to myself out loud for the first time that I am gay. It hurt, but at the same time it lifted a tremendous burden off my shoulders. I no longer had to hide it from myself (having to now hide this fact from my superiors was another story).
Now that I am no longer in the service, I can live with a partner, have relations with members of my own gender and not feel the least bit guilty or ashamed of it. Since coming out to my family I have only lost the respect of one person (a brother) and honestly, I could care less about him since his is the black sheep of the family.
You did not say anything in your post, but if you are agonizing over this, don't. Please find a way to work it out. If nothing else, experimentation by you will let you know if this is something you want and will let you put the issue to rest once and for all. The only thing you must do is let a potential male partner know that it is your first time with them. If you find the right one they will go easy on you. Just be sure you are sexually compatible with them.
I hope you are able to resolve this for yourself positively, be it finding out you are not gay or finding you are.
--LT
Myself, I'm almost exactly your age (if you posted the right info on your profile) within 2 1/2 months. I too at one time though I was straight, but I kept having fantasies about being with men, having relations with men, and so forth. I had 3 failed heterosexual relationships of which only in one did sexual relations occur. The sex in the hetero relationship was fine, and it felt good, but I also felt like something was missing.
After that relationship I went celibate for about 4 years. I agonized over my feelings, having thoughts of society not being accepting of homosexuality, fear of gay bashing (especially close to me since I was at one time a student at the same University as Matthew Shepard), and so forth. I was so conviced I needed to, "knock myself straight" that I joined the US Armed Forces.
Guess what happened about half way though my hitch there? Yup, the full on realization that I am a homosexual male. After a few bouts of depression and suicidal feelings (which I managed to work out on my own) one morning after morning exercises I was taking a shower and I was alone in my barracks room (roommate had not returned yet) and I had a short, good cry, and admitted to myself out loud for the first time that I am gay. It hurt, but at the same time it lifted a tremendous burden off my shoulders. I no longer had to hide it from myself (having to now hide this fact from my superiors was another story).
Now that I am no longer in the service, I can live with a partner, have relations with members of my own gender and not feel the least bit guilty or ashamed of it. Since coming out to my family I have only lost the respect of one person (a brother) and honestly, I could care less about him since his is the black sheep of the family.
You did not say anything in your post, but if you are agonizing over this, don't. Please find a way to work it out. If nothing else, experimentation by you will let you know if this is something you want and will let you put the issue to rest once and for all. The only thing you must do is let a potential male partner know that it is your first time with them. If you find the right one they will go easy on you. Just be sure you are sexually compatible with them.
I hope you are able to resolve this for yourself positively, be it finding out you are not gay or finding you are.
--LT
kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm I have always considered myself straight, but I have also had desires of being intimate with other men, I also have an attraction to Transexuals.I find these issues a little confusing to say the least, and have always been too scared to do anything more than just fantasize about these desires, what do you think
If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
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Robby (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
(you are lying to yourself)...
(your true desires are showing through)...kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm but I have also had desires of being intimate with other men,
(this is an after thought to keep us guessing)...
(you know what you are doing and saying here)...kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm I find these issues a little confusing to say the least,
(you have taken action on these feelings and don't want to admit such here)...kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm and have always been too scared to do anything more than just fantasize about these desires,
what do you think (I am wondering what you want here?)...
kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
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A-1 (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
Kasper,
If you act Gay, then you are Gay. If you act str8 the that is what you are. If you have sex with both women and men, then you are bisexual.
If you can lick your eyebrows, then you are pretty damned good no matter what you are.
If you have sexual relations with men, then you are Gay. Again, if you have sexual relations with men and women then you are bisexual.
I do not know how to say this, but if you have Gay sex does not mean that you are Gay forever anymore than if you have heterosexual sex means that you are St8 forever.
You are most probably BiSexual. Don't be too concerned. I used to have an old hound dog and he didn't care what he humped, either. He'd even get your leg if you stood still long enough.
Hell, don't worry about what you "are". Hell, I'll tell you what you "are". You are "young". Go out and have some fun, be safe and don't go to bed with anybody crazier than you are, regardless...
Make sure that somebody who cares for you knows where you are and who you went with. It's a jungle out there...
A-1
If you act Gay, then you are Gay. If you act str8 the that is what you are. If you have sex with both women and men, then you are bisexual.
If you can lick your eyebrows, then you are pretty damned good no matter what you are.
If you have sexual relations with men, then you are Gay. Again, if you have sexual relations with men and women then you are bisexual.
I do not know how to say this, but if you have Gay sex does not mean that you are Gay forever anymore than if you have heterosexual sex means that you are St8 forever.
You are most probably BiSexual. Don't be too concerned. I used to have an old hound dog and he didn't care what he humped, either. He'd even get your leg if you stood still long enough.
Hell, don't worry about what you "are". Hell, I'll tell you what you "are". You are "young". Go out and have some fun, be safe and don't go to bed with anybody crazier than you are, regardless...
Make sure that somebody who cares for you knows where you are and who you went with. It's a jungle out there...
A-1 -
bobov (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
People needn't be either wholly straight or wholly gay, and most people aren't. It's a conventional over-simplification to insist otherwise. Some have a weak sense of themselves, and will try to bolster their confidence by forcing you onto their "side." You shouldn't need others to tell you who you are or to approve of you. Many psychologists recognize a scale of sexual orientation, with exclusive hetero- or homosexuality at the extremes. See this link for an example: http://www.samabhavana.org/kline_scale.html
The problem is that sexuality is considered an essential matter by religions, by cultures, and more recently by political movements. Regardless of who you are or how you act, someone with an agenda will have an opinion about you. I would give you three pieces of advice:
First, do as you please. So long as you do no one harm and your life adds to the community, it is pointless to concern yourself with whether your innermost feelings match some official version. That version may be lived by surprisingly few people. Remember that no one can see what you feel, only what you say or do. In other words, sex, while social, is not public. No one really knows what normal sex is because the unvarnished data is simply unavailable. Sex is terra incognita. So don't worry about who you're "supposed" to be, because even the guardians of the official version may not stick to it themselves. Follow your heart. This will make you happy, and probably those close to you. Let the lies you've built to conform slip away.
Second, be discreet. I know this will enrage many who have politicized sex, but you are not obligated to be a martyr for anyone's cause. Just conduct your sexual life as you please, never lie, but don't provoke confrontations. If you want to kiss and hold your boyfriend's butt in public - do it! Just understand how others may react, and choose according to what you most value. You have to act based on an honest assessment of the world you live in, not the way things "should" be.
Third, become the sort of person who doesn't give a damn what most people think. I don't mean you should be reckless or uncaring. I mean that you needn't be a prisoner of other's values, especially values whose only purpose is to conform. Your values, founded on the unbudgeable reality of your life, are equally legitimate. You are the example that proves what a good thing it is to be someone like you. I understand that millions of people, especially in the U.S., where the ordinary is celebrated by our market culture, seek to be as much like others as possible. If you think this way, it will be hard to be gay or bisexual, because your ambition in life is to be just another cow lowing in the herd. Common people, knowing themselves to be common, seek to elevate the common. But there is another mindset, one that strives for excellence, one that seeks to distinguish itself, one that is arrogant, elitist, and not a little snobbish. If you think this way, it will be much easier to be gay or bisexual, because your ambition in life will be to separate yourself from the herd. Extraordinary people, knowing themselves to be extraordinary, seek to elevate themselves. Cultivate things in yourself to be proud of, and damn the rabble. You may be surprised to find that confidence converts. People will respect you if you respect yourself. Don't cultivate "gay pride." It's as silly to be proud of being gay as it is to be proud of being straight. One's sexuality is a generic characteristic, like hair color. Cultivate Kasper pride and you'll do well.
The problem is that sexuality is considered an essential matter by religions, by cultures, and more recently by political movements. Regardless of who you are or how you act, someone with an agenda will have an opinion about you. I would give you three pieces of advice:
First, do as you please. So long as you do no one harm and your life adds to the community, it is pointless to concern yourself with whether your innermost feelings match some official version. That version may be lived by surprisingly few people. Remember that no one can see what you feel, only what you say or do. In other words, sex, while social, is not public. No one really knows what normal sex is because the unvarnished data is simply unavailable. Sex is terra incognita. So don't worry about who you're "supposed" to be, because even the guardians of the official version may not stick to it themselves. Follow your heart. This will make you happy, and probably those close to you. Let the lies you've built to conform slip away.
Second, be discreet. I know this will enrage many who have politicized sex, but you are not obligated to be a martyr for anyone's cause. Just conduct your sexual life as you please, never lie, but don't provoke confrontations. If you want to kiss and hold your boyfriend's butt in public - do it! Just understand how others may react, and choose according to what you most value. You have to act based on an honest assessment of the world you live in, not the way things "should" be.
Third, become the sort of person who doesn't give a damn what most people think. I don't mean you should be reckless or uncaring. I mean that you needn't be a prisoner of other's values, especially values whose only purpose is to conform. Your values, founded on the unbudgeable reality of your life, are equally legitimate. You are the example that proves what a good thing it is to be someone like you. I understand that millions of people, especially in the U.S., where the ordinary is celebrated by our market culture, seek to be as much like others as possible. If you think this way, it will be hard to be gay or bisexual, because your ambition in life is to be just another cow lowing in the herd. Common people, knowing themselves to be common, seek to elevate the common. But there is another mindset, one that strives for excellence, one that seeks to distinguish itself, one that is arrogant, elitist, and not a little snobbish. If you think this way, it will be much easier to be gay or bisexual, because your ambition in life will be to separate yourself from the herd. Extraordinary people, knowing themselves to be extraordinary, seek to elevate themselves. Cultivate things in yourself to be proud of, and damn the rabble. You may be surprised to find that confidence converts. People will respect you if you respect yourself. Don't cultivate "gay pride." It's as silly to be proud of being gay as it is to be proud of being straight. One's sexuality is a generic characteristic, like hair color. Cultivate Kasper pride and you'll do well.
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John70 (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
Wow.... so much good advice... I like the thing about cultivating Kasper pride. I think that, to a certain extent, gay pride is all about loving who you are. I've seen people take it way beyond that, but that's really the message I pulled out of it. Personally, being closeted took alot of energy out of me. I came out when I was 21 and never regretted it. Recently, I came out at work after discovering that people were telling stories about me behind my back (as well as harassing me). In retrospect, I wish I had always made a point of being out at work from the start. By being out and being me, I have discovered who my friends and enemies are. My friends are more likely to stand up for me and my enemies are now more concerned with being seen as bigots (which they are) than with bothering me. When you are hiding something from others, you are vulnerable to them. When you are who you are and refuse to apoligize for it, people are more likely to respect you.
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tramp007 (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm I have always considered myself straight, but I have also had desires of being intimate with other men, I also have an attraction to Transexuals.I find these issues a little confusing to say the least, and have always been too scared to do anything more than just fantasize about these desires, what do you think
If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
I honestly don't think it matters.
Your private life is your own business and until you share with onother no-one is going to know. Have a read of Xavera Hollander's book the "Happy Hooker", if you can find a copy. She covers a broad range of sexuality in a very honest and dignified way. I have since reading it subscribed to the statement "If it feels good and hurts no one else, then it's ok".
From my own experience I would say that sex and sexuality was about sharing with another, it fullfills fundemental and basic requirements, biological, physical and metaphysical. If you really want some exitment and/ or fulfiment research sex as it applies in the Buhist discipline of Tantra.
I don't pay any attention to any one pinning a name to me, (it's none of their business anyway) I don't advertise my personal life, the important person or people know the trueth. I am the only one who knows the whole story. (Keep your own council)
Life is happy.
I hope I've been a help to you and all the best with your journey.
Cheers, Tramp
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JeffEunuch (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm I have always considered myself straight, but I have also had desires of being intimate with other men.... I find these issues a little confusing to say the least, and have always been too scared to do anything more than just fantasize about these desires, what do you think?
Kasper
I also feared doing anything about my obvious attraction to other men for a long time. I was even married for over a decade to a woman with whom I had 2 kids.
I'd agree that you're likely gay, although perhaps bi.
My advice would be to try following through on your inner most desires. I did, and I'm ever so much happier sexually and in other ways for having done so. When I thought I was str8, I never enjoyed sex, although I had it often enough. I now thoroughly enjoy it and never seem to be able to get enough.
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richard31uk (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
kasper (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:41 pm I have always considered myself straight, but I have also had desires of being intimate with other men, I also have an attraction to Transexuals.I find these issues a little confusing to say the least, and have always been too scared to do anything more than just fantasize about these desires, what do you think
If anyone has any serious thoughts or comments I would appreciate them.
Kasper
I have been reading this thread with some interest to the answers!
When it comes down to it it is the human nature to pigeon hole everyone asthat way it makes sense to the world does it really matter if you are Gay, Bi, or Straight as long as you are happy with what you are it should not need to be labled.
Because i have a partner that is a male then the community pigeon holes me as being Gay but to me i am just me, everyone in this world deserves love and it should not matter where they find that love.
that are just my thoughts
Hugs
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Kelly_2 (imported)
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Re: Do U think I'm GAY!
sexuals.
Kasper
Big hugs. That is nice. Thanks bunches. Many people are not, and that is why I am a virgin at 44 (45 next month)--what guy would have me?
Love,
Kelly
