Childhood Sexual Fantasies

[Blaise (imported)]

For many years during childhhod (I am not certain exactly which years), my most important sexual dreams involved punishment penectomy. That has to play a role in who I am and in my sexuality. I feared the loss of sexual pleasure but could not stop producing the pleasure. It figures that the primary fantasy involved penectomy as a result of giving myself pleasure.

When I first read Freud and his interpreters, the theories made sense. They played right to my experience. These fantasies do not play as much a part of my sexual fantasy now. However, I don't have many fantasies these days. :-\

[Mac (imported)]

My biggest childhood fantasy, beginning around 6 years old, was becomming a real girl. However, I never had any oppertunity to see what it would be like.

[bobov (imported)]

In my second childhood, starting around age 50, I often had a fantasy based on a long ago experience: the man that I've loved most of my adult life is, sadly, a married heterosexual who tolerates an occasional kiss on the mouth, but nothing more; when we were both 20, I was crushed that he failed to show up for a romantic assignation at a wooden bridge over a waterfall early one morning (there was a rainbow and the roaring falls mirrored my emotions) - he had promised to run away with me and join me for life, and I was swept away in the full passion of youth. I hardly slept for thoughts of taking him in my arms with ardent words of love. I stood and waited for two hours. In a phone call later that day, he said he wanted nothing to do with homosexuality. A little late to tell me. It still hurts, even 33 years later.

So here's my fantasy. Rather sad, but it keeps me warm some nights. It is early morning at the bridge. The mist from the falls makes everything glisten in the dawn light. I am there, naked, with my beloved, who remains fully clothed and aloof. There is also a beautiful and naked young man, sweet, despite his lean and muscular physique. I have hired him for the occasion and taught him what to do. I sit on a bench, and without a word, the young man sinks to his knees and begins to fellate me. There is no sound but the roaring of the falls. My friend watches sympathetically. I raise my arms to him, and he approaches me, standing with his legs spread above the back of the suckling young man. I extend my hands and my friend clasps them in his. Our fingers twine together, and we grip one another hard. The young man, ignored, continues to suck powerfully on my penis. My friend smiles as we look deeply into each other's eyes. We both know that he would never do what the young man is doing, but he is ready to share in my ecstasy. The sucking mouth may not be his, but we both understand that this is a supreme moment of intimacy between us. I am giving him my soul, and he knows and gratefully accepts my gift. Finally, I enter a profound and powerful orgasm, moaning and grunting without concealment. My hands and fingers mesh in a steely grip with those of my beloved, and I force my eyes to stay open and locked on his. I am emotionally naked before him. I give my beloved everything. When it is over, the young man remains silent and unobtrusive on his knees. I stand, and my beloved lets me hug him. His mighty chest is pressed against mine, and I am secure and at peace. He loves me, and with that knowledge my life is complete. The end.

Next week, my friend is coming to visit me for a few days as I recover from a life-threatening illness. These days he's a rich and powerful corporate executive. Maybe I'll show him this post. Who knows what may happen. "Hope springs eternal to the human breast."

That's my "childhood" fantasy. It's how I turned my emotional castration into something I could embrace.

[Blaise (imported)]

That is a touching and beautiful fantasy. You tell it well.

[Blaise (imported)]

My biggest childhood fantasy, beginning around 6 years old, was becomming a real girl. However, I never had any oppertunity to see what it would be like.

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Somehow, I realized that loss of my penis would not make me a girl. I was also aware the the loss would be awful. The intensity of the fantasy had to do with going against fear of punishment to enjoy the pleasure of masturbation.

There are fine accounts of the same or similar fantasies and desires on the Penectomy Borad. I have no desire whatsoever to become a woman. I never did. The fantasy involved getting my penis removed as punishment for receiving sexual pleasure. Masturbating in spite of real fear was an act of freedom from that fear. .

[bobov (imported)]

Another fantasy began when I was a teen, and I still enjoy it now that I'm 53. At a certain age - perhaps 13 to 15 - many boys will masturbate before one another, sometimes in groups. For most, this is not the start of homosexuality, but an opportunity to learn if their genitals are normal and to learn the rudiments of male sexual behavior, since "morality" prevents any instruction by adults. When I was that age, I was too shy and introverted ever to find myself in such company. I often overheard snatches of conversation about what the other boys did - how they moaned when they came, how their semen was like chewing gum, how one boy stored his semen in a bottle, how four boys came onto a cookie and the last to come had to eat the cookie. In the locker room, boys frankly appraised one another's genitals, at least as they appeared through underwear. I was thrilled when a boy to whom I was powerfully attracted looked at me in the locker room and said "Hey, it looks like you got a big juicy one!" Excited as I was, I didn't know what to say, missing my chance to join the masturbators. Once, when that same boy played third base and I was in left field, he turned to me, pulled up the leg of his gym shorts, and waggled his big thick dick at me for a second. And this was in public! It was an electric moment which still arouses me. What a joy it would have been to watch him fondle his huge snake to orgasm!

Well, these have been my frequent fantasies since teenhood. I think of the sexiest young men I knew, young men who flaunted their sexuality with all of the arrogance and abandon of youth. These fifteen year olds swaggered through life, confident of their virility and their sexual power. No man today could get away with the cockproud insolence of these young studs, whose every gesture was a smirking provocation. I dream of being masturbated by them - sitting naked with my legs spread while one milks my cock and the other massages my balls - stroking the cocks of the young men who are stroking me - coming into rubber Trojans and playing with the overflowing bags and leaving them for others to find - rubbing my cock on a hardcover book (books were popular for this - try it and see) as I faced a young stud who was using the same book from the other side - watching the come spurt from the spasming cocks of big boys with their teeth bared in ecstatic grins - joining a circle jerk at summer camp.

P.S. There is a club called New York Jacks - see their website - which gets together for mutual masturbation. Everyone wears only shoes, and only mutual masturbation is allowed. There's a bulletin board where people can schedule impromptu pud pulling parties. If I work up the nerve to display my shambles of a body, this would be my childhood fantasy come true.

[LorenaBobbitII (imported)]

I never had any childhood fantasies, but for some reason, my fantasy now is a clitorectomy. Not for real, but whenever I'm pleasuring myself, this is what brings me to orgasm. I have no idea why, as it is something I would never really consider, but the thought of it turns me on.

[bobov (imported)]

Maybe it's the combination of your genitals as the center of attention, and the very intense sensations in your clitoris as it is removed / as you reach orgasm. In your fantasy, who removes your clitoris? How is it done? Is there more than one person present? What do you say or do? How are you dressed? What happens afterward?

Do you know if such fantasies are common among women? Do you feel more comfortable sharing this fantasy with women or with men, or with eunuchs of either sex?

Is it possible for me to irritate you by asking too many personal questions? Sorry, just trying to paint in the details.

[LorenaBobbitII (imported)]

Maybe it's the combination of your genitals as the center of attention, and the very intense sensations in your clitoris as it is removed / as you reach orgasm. In your fantasy, who removes your clitoris? How is it done? Is there more than one person present? What do you say or do? How are you dressed? What happens afterward?

Do you know if such fantasies are common among women? Do you feel more comfortable sharing this fantasy with women or with men, or with eunuchs of either sex?

Is it possible for me to irritate you by asking too many personal questions? Sorry, just trying to paint in the details.

LOL, no you're not irritating me at all. In my fantasy, it's really no one in particular. Sometimes it's me doing it. And I pretty much just cut it off. I really have no idea if such fantasies are commen among women. I would never have the nerve to ask. I

feel more comfortable sharing this

with eunuchs of either sex or others that have fantasies, male or female.

[overball (imported)]

When I was 5 or 6 in kindergarden we all had to take a nap after lunch in one big room. Our beds were situated close to one another, so if you whispered carefully you could talk to your neighbor without anyone noticing.

I hardly could sleep after lunch, so did my neighbor, a blond clever guy like me. I can't remeber how it started but somehow we developed a sexual fantasy which we told each other day after day. There was this older girl, ugly, tall, who noone liked. We imagined that she would catch us like the witch in "Hansel & Gretel" and then starting slaugther us while we're alive, starting with the genitals. Whereas I tried to extend the fantasy of her cutting my dick and balls off my friend Martin liked the idea of his ass sliced into pieces like a roast. In our dreams she finally slaughtered us to death - but the moment after we'd be alive again and the whole thing would start again.

I can't tell you when this storytelling stopped - perhaps when he moved shortly before we changend to the first grade. Years ago I realized that Martin was my first love and that this "dirty talk" was a way to act out our early sexuality.