For the birds

[Andrew (imported)]

The tanker ship disaster left a large black slick along the coastline.

Thousands of sea-gulls were mired in the thick tarry goo. Unable to

walk, swim, or fly, they were suffering a slow agonizing death from

starvation.

Hearing of their plight,a local humanitarian, named Jose, hiked the

beach carrying a large wooden club, which he used to bash in the

skulls of the suffering birds ... thus putting them out of their

misery.

Upon being told the story about Jose, the local car dealer (a proud

Native American, called Homer) decided to donate a brand new LandRover

to help Jose with his beach excursions. The townspeople soon fell in

behind Homer and proceeded to hold a parade in Jose's honor.

The newspaper showed a picture of Jose, driving his new vehicle

proudly displaying his renowned club. The caption read: "Jose does

his tar-stained gull-banger yet wave ... in a LandRover, free, from

Homer the Brave!"

:catclock:

[Studlover (imported)]

BOO!!!! That's really baaaaaad......

[An Onymus (imported)]

Actually, Studlover, Andrew's humor is somewhat like a Rube Goldberg cartoon, in that you tend to keep reading, to see how the whole wacky thing fits togther. (We all await Andrew's debut as a cartoonist.)

In any case, if Andrew's stories get too corny, you can always retaliate with dead cat jokes. e.g.:

How do you know when your cat is dead?

When you notice that the cat smells worse than the cat box.

What did the ancient Romans do to dispose of dead felines?

They put them in the catacombs.

Why did all the dead cats get kicked out of heaven?

They couldn't tell the difference between birds and angels.

What was the dead cat's last thought?

"Wow, this dog is a lot faster than I thought he would be."

Why did the cat die from a burnt tongue?

Somebody put tabasco sauce on his anus.

What was the dead cat's last thought?

"Gosh, I wonder why there are all these wires on this tower I'm climbing."

What do you call a feline that was hit by a steamroller?

A flat cat.

What do you call a feline that jumps from the top of a sixty story building?

A splat cat.

What was the dead cat's last thought?

"I'm sure glad these two hundred mice wouldn't dare attack a full grown cat."

[Mac (imported)]

you can always retaliate with dead cat jokes.

I am not fond of cats but that is very poor humor. You should apologize to Andrew.

[An Onymus (imported)]

Mac, I was just merely illustrating a suggestion. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of dead cat jokes, and Andrew has probably heard many of them. There are books devoted to dead cat jokes. Lighten up, or a dead cat might follow you home.

[Andrew (imported)]

I am not fond of cats but that is very poor humor. You should apologize to Andrew.

No he shouldn't. Anti-cat and anti-dog jokes are a staple of internet humor. I've posted a few dog jokes myself, or haven't you noticed? Nowadays, with cat and dog jokes all over the internet, it is hard to come across one I haven't read yet. This thread did not include one.

HOWEVER, if an apology is needed, I would like a copy of his books when they come out.