Understanding Engineers

[Studlover (imported)]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one

said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along

yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman

rode up on this bike." She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her

clothes, and said "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice;

the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning

for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have

been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such

ineptitude! Let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's

with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind

firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from

a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so

sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

"The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my

ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do

for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing

the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has

many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else

would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have

enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing

whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid

foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed

time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?", the others said.

"Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are

spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some

work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out

to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back

into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned

it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,

I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his

pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful

princess, and I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't

you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl

friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[Hardball (imported)]

An engineer, a chemist, and a mathematician are tested with identical scenarios, a room, a desk, a chair, a sink, a glass, and a waste basket with a paper fire. The engineer walks in, sees the fire, fills the glass with water, and douses the fire completely. The chemist comes in, does a calculation, and fills the glass with just enough water to extinguish the fire with the last drop. The mathematician enters looks at the fire and the glass in the sink and sits in the chair, and puts his feet up, the problem having been previously solved.

[Valery_V (imported)]

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out

to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back

into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned

it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,

I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his

pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful

princess, and I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't

you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl

friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

I agree with the hero of the ninth joke...

For me personally (due to my modification), a talking frog is much more interesting! .

[Valery_V (imported)]

Joke! Tailor!

A man comes to the doctor and complains of a constant headache.

The doctor conducts a thorough examination, checks all the tests, conducts a consultation, and as a result, after a month of all sorts of tests, x-rays and analyzes, he informs the patient:

- There is only one way to get rid of your headache you will have to amputate the balls.

The patient is in shock. But, there is nothing to do, he can no longer endure, he agrees to the operation.

Amputated. Indeed, the headache is gone.

After some time, this man decides to have a suit made by a good craftsman.

The tailor, glancing once at the client, says to him:

- Well, well, we have here the 40th size of the collar, the 42nd size of the shirt, the 50th jacket, the 44th trousers, and the 40th size of the underpants.

The man delightfully answers:

- Now that's something like it! It is necessary, almost all correctly defined! Here only pants I carry all life not the 40th, but the 39th size.

Tailor:

- This can not be! If you were wearing size 39 panties, they would put a lot of pressure on your balls, and you would constantly have a headache from this.

[Losethem (imported)]

Really, someone finally replied to a post nobody else replied to, that is 7,090 days old?

Surely this is a record for a necro-post here.

[JessicaH (imported)]

Enjoyed the jokes. Thanks for reviving Hardball!

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

Ditto what Jessica said! I love good jokes and these are good ones!