Hello from Ontario, Canada

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Hello. New member here from Ontario, Canada. I post my location because part of why I am here is to see if there are others who have gone through the journey within our provincial public health care system who can offer their stories and advice.

I am (officially now) a senior male who only recently began to consider full nullification - all at ounce, not in steps. A year ago this wasn’t even on my mind, but it had crept up on me as a notion and has now become what I can only describe as a “calling.” I have no explanation to offer for it. I have moved very quickly from an initial curiosity, to actual consideration, to - having found this site and read that there are others doing the same thing - making my decision to start the process with serious intention. I haven’t spent a long time researching and considering, I’ve just moved forward with a sense that it feels right, and that giving up something so fundamental is actually going to complete me. Now that I’m actually moving from thinking to acting I am filled with a warm feeling of expectation.

My motivation isn’t grounded in gender, erotic, fetish, or sexual orientation in any way. I just haven’t spent any time considering or exploring those areas in my past. I don’t engage in therapy;don't have a related disease; don’t have any addictions; and feel satisfied with what will be the finality of my sexual activity and romantic relationships; I am generally content with my life and my journey; I live deeply in my faith; and any traumas I have suffered I have healed from. This isn’t to say that these are generalized decision influencers for others, just answering possible questions up front.

I do have “practical rationalizations related to penile complications due to chronic illness and been relatively impotent for the last 18-months, plus I am having trouble “releasing” my sperm at orgasim, and haven’t had sex in over 5-years ; and I neither miss it nor do I plan on having it again. Masturbation is happening less and less frequently so at this point my equipment feels less like an important part of my identity and more like a remnant tail from an earlier stage of evolution- just a floppy thing that gets in the way that I have to keep dealing with.

That said, I know that nulloplasty as a solution to these minor issue is like using a hammer to kill any ant.

The irony of this is that I already saw a specialist for a circumcision, consult and after he said I don’t qualify, he added, “I don’t really do circumcisions anyway, my practice is focused on male genital surgery.” So, that one checkmark for the list

Thanks for listening.

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Update on this last post. I’ve only lived with the serious consideration of this since joining and posting yesterday, but waking up this morning I already feel “deep in my soul” that I have started walking a new path. The urologist I mentioned above, who does genital surgery, invited me to remain a patient, so I won’t have to seek a referral. I am calling his office on Monday to book a consult and start the the fact-finding process - whether this is covered my our health plan; what the evaluation process is, etc. Already it feels like I am leaving my genitals behind and walking away…

[wanasoso2 (imported)]

This is an interresting journey you are presenting here to the community. Keep un posted on your evolution and good luck with the surgeon. it seems comprehensive, which is rare I think.

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Thank you for taking an interest. Yes I will keep everyone up to date. I intend to post here as a documented journaling of my journey. That wasn’t my original intention when I registered here just three days ago; that intention was more driven by this “calling” I have been feeling taking a step to “peer in the window,” to see what I might learn. Little did I expect my learning to be coming so quickly to a decision that - though never really considered before - felt so natural, or that changes in my thought process would happen so quickly. It is day three and upon waking the first thing that came to me is a new self identifying as a eunuch and now as I go about my day that word is sinking in more and more. And it’s the closest thing I’ve ever felt to an “identity” or citizenship. I’ve been straight, and then bi, then gay, and now saw myself drifting toward being asexual since I have lost all interest in sex or attraction to nakedness of any gender. I find myself repeating “I’m a eunuch.” over and over again, at first with surprise, and then as a question, and now it’s settling in as a calming mantra.

Yesterday I was thinking through all the practical benefits of this, I guess to try and close off any loose ends. I think physically it will have many benefits day-to-day and simplify or enhance my activities. I spend a lot of time outside, doing cardio sports, and in the backcountry. If I never have to deal with trying to pull back the foreskin on a frozen, retracted micropenis shrunken by diabetes, dulled by neuropathy, with dead fingers rigid from the cold, then that will be a happy time. If I don’t have to deal my recurring cycle of a foreskin swollen with balanitis and the pain of breaking of stretched skin from phimosis as yet again I will be relieved. Running and cycling will be much more comfortable. And many other things. And as I push through my 60’s and into my 70’s I can’t imagine what I will have to deal with “down there,” as chronic illness and age take their toll. Health wise I may actually be proactively “dodging” a bullet as 3 people in my immediate family have had cancer and I’ve already had multiple biopsies over my life. Some women have their breast removed to lessen cancer, so why not men removing their testicles? In terms of sex, nothing viewed down the road. As I grow older I lose more and more interest not just in the act, but in long term relationships and am currently working my way through the end of the one I’ve been in for 10-years, simply because I want to live alone. I think my only regret sex-wise is that I don’t put the effort into having it more when I was young and healthy, because it was never a priority for me. Although I had a number of long term relationships they ended through ennui on my part because I could never find it within myself to be fully invested in doing the “form a couple, have kids, grow old together” thing.

So, thanks for listening. Even if no one reads these posts they are useful to me as I can track how my thought process is changing and the insights I’m arriving at. As mentioned previously, in just three short days, I already feel miles ahead on something that was so completely unexpected and foreign to me.

God bless.

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Well I followed through. Called the doctors office to request a consult for MtE (male to eunuch) affirmation surgery. They typically take up to a week to reply, so waiting on that, but it’s the first step toward a new identity that finally feels like mine. Already I am owning my identity as “eunuch.”

I voluntarily began a cycle of abstinence from orgasms about 3-weeks ago, as a notion unrelated to this; to commit to 30-days without masturbation. This was long before this scenario was even an idea. I believe that when we are getting closer to something we are destined for in our gut but can’t yet see it, something in our subconscious sets us in motion in that direction. I’ve had it before when I would start preparing for a job change, or packing for a move, neither of which were expected, but were “felt.” I believe that these are the same

Forces at work here - like the tidal pull of the moon.

This is also the longest I’ve ever gone without masturbating since I discovered how. And I feel the desire to fading from me. Typically after about a week or so of abstinence I start getting agitated and short tempered; my penis starts to get very sensitive to touch - even pumping the edge of a table will set off horny feelings; and I get sexual dreams at night. None of that is happening now. I am only aware of my penis as I am of my toes in my socks. And no change in my demeanour or dreaming at night.

I must be in the right track.

[Valery_V (imported)]

Please take your time!

Try to distract yourself with your usual activities...

For example, engage in sports exercises or just walks.

[no-balls (imported)]

Running and especially cycling are my greatest affirmations for not having a penis.

I can bang the hell out of my crotch on my mountain bike and it never hurts.

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Running and especially cycling are my greatest affirmations for not having a penis.

I can bang the hell out of my crotch on my mountain bike and it never hurts.

I hear that. I always seem to have a problem with crunching my nuts in the bike. It will be a relieved not to have to worry about chafing on long hot runs. Long days on the motorcycle will also be a lot more comfortable, I’m guessing…��

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Running and especially cycling are my greatest affirmations for not having a penis.

I can bang the hell out of my crotch on my mountain bike and it never hurts.

Btw, did you go full nullo? I’d be interested in hearing about your journey, especially since it seems like you are an active, sporty person. My life has always evolved around my sports and adventure activities and I don’t intend to stop after the procedure. As stated above, I believe a lot of things will actually be enhanced.

[wanasoso2 (imported)]

I'm standing aside Valery here suggesting that time is important for this kind of decision. Even with good reasoning and afterthoughts as you show them, there is always some evolution that has to be taken into consideration. Many members here would tell you the same thing as I read in the last two years (I am a newby here). For myself it's 10 years without sex in a lovely relation with my wife, and now a desinterest in masturbation. For today I'm in my 33rd days without it, and last year comming back from holidays I did 46 days. It is less an less used in the last two years. But still, even interested in castration for many good reasons as some you expressed, I'm not totally sure if it is the right way form me. I would add that even my sex therapist is not against it, but told me to look a that in an horizon of five years. I tink the time of reflexion and trials is even more important for men without dysphoria. I've been always quite happy as a "normal" man with a regular sex life but life make me evolved and this evolution brings my here as many others their sixties. Which is interesting but at the same time disturbing. For now I like very much to have an empty crotch and by tucking my genitals all day long for months I still feel it good. I'm not sure but maybe I would be ready for a chemical castration try within the next two years and then I'll see. Everyone's journey is different but we all need to be sure when we engage in a non return pathway. My exemple here is just one among many other types, in different ways of taking the right time of reflexions.