kink or dysphoria? May be both?

[erikboy (imported)]

There are many men here because ideas of being castrated, living as an eunuch or penectomy arouse them sexually. Which are strange kinks of course. Generally it is not recommended to act on kinks, as resulting eunuchdom produces many undesirable side effects for remaining life. Some people still get their testicles removed and continue on external testosterone to get rid of that little guy on your shoulder constantly whispering into your ear: "you must be castrated".

Most of my life I have been thinking, that my desire to get castrated is just annoying and weird kink. It started right away with puberty. Clearly, thinking about getting castrated aroused me sexually. Despite the very first idea about getting castrated emerged from the desire to stop puberty. I really hated morning woods and random erections generally. Wetdreams were real bad surprises when they happened. And discovery that I am sexually attracted to boys was devastating, it was difficult to hide my unwanted sexuality. The idea of having sex with anybody (boy or girl) seemed to be gross.

Despite I had one or more orgasms from masturbation every day. I never felt that my sexuality is an integral part of my identity or personality. When I fell in love, I did not feel like I personally fell in love. It was like that sexual feelings generating part inside me forced me feel like that. Unfortunately I did not have many sources of information at the time. Just some purely medical literature I could get into my hands. But somewhere in deep I truly wanted to get some disease that would destroy my testicles, or result in orchiectomy, so I could be eunuch without questions.

Only later when I first discovered about male-to-Eunuch concept, it seemed to fit or me. Suddenly things made sense. I never wanted to be a MAN. I never liked manly attributes in clothing and inappeareance (hats, hairy body, beard, moustache, etc.) I tried chemcastration. I did not feel any grief loosing my sexual desires and abilities. Instead I felt liberated! It was only pure me that was left! I enjoyed that sexless mind I got with castration. Kinks were almost gone. My friends noticed the change and told me that I looked much happier than before. That experience made me think that I actually was m to E person from very beginning! So I have been periodically chemcastrated since. Still I am slightly disturbed by kinky part of being an eunuch. Even with very low T during rare masturbation sessions I felt it arousing that it is so hard to get hard, that my sex drive is so small, that I have almost dry orgasms etc. Funny.

Which made me question, can kinks be learned?

What is your experience?

[justine77 (imported)]

Hi, in my experience most certainly. Before my castration I was boringly vanilla compared to now. That was in 2015 and since then a lot has happened but I confess to loving so called kinky sex now. For example shibari bondage, sex toys, the more unusual the position the better, dressing slut or goth, sex part dressed in risque situations, having sex with boys who are rock hard aroused to be having a eunuch, I could go on..... To me now totally normal but rather kinky compared to the version of me that still had balls.

Justine xx

[magusuk89 (imported)]

I first had a testicular twist (torsion seems to mean 'dead' to some people... I'm talking about intermittent torsions fyi) when I was 9... so I went through puberty with this issue of testicular pathology at the back of my mind.

Today I badly need to get sorted out for all this, as it is making my Crohn's (autoimmune) Disease impossible to control properly, and the pain lost me my job through sick leave.

I developed a kink/fetish for castration years ago, before things got as bad as they are now. I expect had things not come to a head medically, the kink would something supporting me emotionally against the possibility of future worsening... but without that worsening I'd likely not have done anything concrete towards getting fixed. As it is, finding value, culture, humour, eroticism etc in my situation keeps me going... not just in a crowd control sort of way, but also on its own two feet as a valid way to approach bodily load-out and erotic dynamics.

I guess the biggest thing in my case is thinking about how kink can develop as an adaptation to a change in circumstances, and that that is a valuable thing. But also, the value of that is possibly eroded by reducing it to a sort of PR exercise in what Erving Goffman described as 'spoiled identity'. Pride and celebration are vital, as well as mere tolerance and self acceptance.

My life story is one shaped my physical pathologies... but you can see how culture, creativity, eroticism go on to shape my reactions to that, and my relations with others in this intimate topic. So, considering this, I guess expect to see a lot of interesting psychology and culture come out of non-voluntary folk who emotionally cross into the voluntary camp...

[photoglenn (imported)]

This part of. your pose resonates with me completely:

Most of my life I have been thinking, that my desire to get castrated is just annoying and weird kink. It started right away with puberty. Clearly, thinking about getting castrated aroused me sexually. Despite the very first idea about getting castrated emerged from the desire to stop puberty. I really hated morning woods and random erections generally. Wetdreams were real bad surprises when they happened. And discovery that I am sexually attracted to boys was devastating, it was difficult to hide my unwanted sexuality. The idea of having sex with anybody (boy or girl) seemed to be gross.

Despite I had one or more orgasms from masturbation every day. I never felt that my sexuality is an integral part of my identity or personality. When I fell in love, I did not feel like I personally fell in love. It was like that sexual feelings generating part inside me forced me feel like that. Unfortunately I did not have many sources of information at the time. Just some purely medical literature I could get into my hands. But somewhere in deep I truly wanted to get some disease that would destroy my testicles, or result in orchiectomy, so I could be eunuch without questions.

I also hated puberty and waned. so badly to eliminate erections and orgasms. I always wanted to do something to stop erections from happening and wondered what it would be like to not be able to get an erection and not have side, exual cravings. It was not a wish, it was a desire, a craving, and now that I am Male to Eunuch, and have no libido, and am completely impotent and unable to get an erection, I at last have achieved what I thought was impossible.

Although I never thought of any of my feelings, then or now, as "kinky", I have always thought that I was having abnormal thoughts and feelings.

It has been a relief to view some posts on the eunuch archive that some other guys have had similar thoughts and experiences.

No longer desiring sexual encounters, nor able to participate in any, I now feel that no one would want to have sex with me as I. could not respond to their advances.

I suppose if there was someone who had a 'kink" where they "got off" and enjoyed interacting with a eunuch who could not get erect or have an orgasm, and that satisfied their sexual desires and needs, then I could participate in such an encounter knowing that I was providing some pleasure and satisfaction to another man, even if I could not respond in like kind

However, that being said, I have never been into being a 'bottom" so would not enjoy that kind of encounter, which might be the only encounter that some men might be interested in having.

Life as a eunuch does get complicated........

[WheelyFixed]

I wonder whether (for me) that its both. I like being a man, I love being with a man (I am gay). But I have this strong desire to be castrated - have the whole sack removed. The feelings don't pass when I cum. Sometimes I fantasise about what life and sex would be like without balls; I imagine how the area would look, how it would feel. How it would be to be around "complete" men, knowing that I was missing two-thirds of what is traditionally regarded as "manhood". I'm a subby bottom type, so that idea also arouses me. The fact that I get aroused by the idea means what? Would I still get aroused by it once the balls were gone? (assuming that I'm on testosterone). Would I feel more fully myself, more complete, despite something having been subtracted?

I find myself wondering whether transsexuals get aroused by the idea of their transformation? I suppose that's my only gauge as to what's going on in my head.

But I read in this thread that many eunuchs fantasised sexually about castration before it happened, and from what I read there is contentment and even happiness with the choices made by or for them.

Personnally, I remain confused!

It can be confusing for certain, and telling the difference can certainly be a big challenge for some... Therapists may be able to help you figure it out, but won't be able to tell you which it is... One suggestion to consider that I've seen made is to think about just what aspects get you most excited and the themes of your fantasies...

If you feel more focused on the act of getting the surgery, especially if you consider it important to think about the scenario, or who (or what type of person) does the deed, events around it (i.e. getting a 'last orgasm') etc. some think that points more towards 'kink' - especially if it involves things other than the sort of clinical prep and setup that would be involved in any other significant medical procedure... (Other than not needing the "clean-out" my surgical prep wasn't much different from what I went through for a colonoscopy...)

OTOH if you are more focused on what life would be like after the procedure, some suggest that points more towards the dysphoria side of the question...

I'm not saying this is the only consideration, or even that it's right, but it doesn't seem like a bad starting point to me...

The biggest thing I think most here would agree with is that if you have doubts, DON'T...

WheelyFixed