Ya'll Come Down and Visit Texas!

[Studlover (imported)]

Dear Mom:

May 30th:

Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows

how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy

evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a

park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've

finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.

Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an

air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun

everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants

today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more

mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love

it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How

do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of

windy though. But getting used to the heat and

humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over

60% of mybody). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to

do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol'

sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when

I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for

lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a

shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather

upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car

now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson

though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow

dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on

the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to

drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.

$1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why

did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner

fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but

this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's

about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you

today?", I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get

to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are

soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,

and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my

ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the

hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells

like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording.

Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too

hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman

says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it

ever rain in this damn desert?? Water rationing will

be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up

and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't

live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today.

Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of

the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot

enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500

house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas.

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live

here??

[antonia (imported)]

Specially about

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,

and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my

ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the

hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells

like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

You have to send this stuff to all those people who constanly complain about the cold and rainly weather.

thanks Studlover for this joke.

yours Antonia xxx