Funny Sayings from Court Reporters

[Studlover (imported)]

(Three years of graduate education in a law school to learn how to interview like this. Wow! - RE)

__________________________________________________ _________

Subject: Court Recorders

These are things people actually said in court, word

for word, taken down and published by court reporters -- who had the

torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking

place.

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've

forgotten?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up

that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the

occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: He had three children, right?

A: Yes. Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice, which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive

and practicing law somewhere.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

A: After the accident?

Q: Before the accident.

A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school

for it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue

Lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A. Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give

your wife $1775 a week."

Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks

myself."