ToTheQuick (imported) wrote: Thu May 12, 2022 4:57 am
These are all wonderful, thoughtful, and interesting replies. Thank you for asking this question, Jeepfan. It's fascinating to see so many paths to a decision.
I don't have much to add, but I never pass up a chance to talk about myself. I first started questioning my gender at the age of 12. I just didn't feel like I related to any of the other boys my age. But I knew I wasn't a "girl," so I had to be a boy, right?
Then at 13 I learned about castration from a book, Valide, by Barbara Chase-Riboud. She has a scene where a priest describes in great detail the Ottoman process of castration. For many glandular reasons I was a "late bloomer" so even though it got me very, very excited I didn't get erect. In a sense that's when, deep down, I knew I wanted to be castrated.
It's taken me so long to get to this point (I'm 34 now). Partly was learning about and then embracing my non-binary identity (there was a third option, a "third sex," if you will, all along!). Partly was that for so long I thought this was just a fetish because of my initial (and very often subsequent) reaction.
Once I finally moved out on my own (my career journey didn't take the paths I had hoped) and talked to some trans friends, I realized it was time to ditch those freeloaders between my legs. Finish the process that nature had started.
These replies have been very well said, very interesting, and extremely helpful. I’m very grateful that you all are so willing to share your backgrounds on the subject. Hearing the ways that you arrived at the decision really helps me articulate how I feel too which is very affirming.
It started with puberty and I guess I hated all the changes my body went through and blamed it on my balls, so I wish to get rid of them always since then. Thanks to the internet I found out I am not alone having this wish, nevertheless I was full of doubts all the years if it would be a good idea to become an eunuch or not. One and a half year ago I finally had the opportunity to get castrated and have never regretted since then.
I realize the thread is for castration but I was castrated as part of my nullification so I will put together my thoughts for others.
I have never been very sexual and the concept of having a penis just didn't really do much for me. I didn't dislike it but I felt insecure because it wasn't overly big and I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't like when it got hard. It was a great tool to pee from but I didn't really even masturbate until I was in my 40s and then it wasn't very often. I identify as male and gay and like to be around guys but not for sex.
I was always intrigued by the idea of nullification but never thought I'd do it. I had been in the EA chat room for probably 20 years and always thought it would be a cool mod but never considered it serious. I ended up meeting a friend from another state online who had been nullified. I flew them to me for a week of hangout time just to explore and learn their story. We had a great time together. It turned into something that seemed to be fun and kinky to have done.
I started reaching out to psych professionals 'to see if I could actually get a letter' but still didn't plan to move forward. I also scheduled a consult with a surgeon in another state. I figured it would never hurt to understand better and have options.
After about 4-5 months, just before my consult, the idea got into my head and I couldn't get it out. I started sitting to pee 100% and thought that would be a huge stumbling block but it actually wasn't that bad. The consult didn't go well so I tried to find another surgeon. I found a urologist doctor who had never done it but really wanted to 'start doing nullifications' for his patients. He gladly accepted my case and was engaged from the very first meeting. He had done about 40-50 SRS/GCS surgeries so I considered him qualified to do my procedure. Turned out that I got 3 psych clearance letters and I had a surgery date in Nov of 2019 (right before Covid-19) in a real hospital. It was only 11 months from the first phone call to surgery. I was very lucky and very happy to get everything removed. I wasn't nervous about the procedure or the outcome. That actually bothered me because I should've been nervous about the most major surgery I've ever had. I realized after it was over that I charged at it like a bull so there was no room for nerves or apprehension.
When I woke up following surgery it felt like a sandbag was laying on my crotch. It would be about 24 hours before I would see the final result because of the bandages. One of the things that surprised me the most was from the moment I woke up following surgery, I had a sense of ease and peace in my mind that I actually felt better now that I knew it was removed. That was very reassuring for me. The doc did an amazing job with the scar and 2.5 years later it's barely visible anymore. I tend to heal quickly and well from cuts and such. I did use some scar patches to help with healing.
Since my initial surgery, I've had some plastic surgery a year later to reduce the bulge of the mons pubis. That was very successful but am now considering a "lift" to tighten it even further. I've already had a consult on that. I'm just concerned for the scar and the healing of that. I have a little more thought to do on that.
This is the most advanced explanation that I've put together so I hope this helps and/or makes sense to others. It's such a huge step but shouldn't be feared. The other major thing I did was remove the word 'want' and replaced it with the word "NEED" to have this done. When it will improve your quality of life, it truly can be a need and needs to be thought of that way. It also helps when dealing with professionals to identify your reasons for moving forward.
When I was 3 or 4 I remember being in the bathtub playing with toy boats and then playing with myself and thinking why my parts down there where made to hang out and get in the way. And I remember thinking more than once how nice it would be not to have anything hanging down there. Then later I tried riding a bicycle and I hit my nuts on that top frame tube and it was the worst pain ever. I thought to myself how having these things hanging there unprotected was such a bad idea, they should be up inside of me. It just kind of went from there and when I got into my 20's it became this irresistible fantasy that I wanted to fulfil one day. Now at 48 is seems like the perfect time.
I decided that I needed to be castrated when I was about thirty. I had suffered from uncontrollable chronic testicular pain ever since I had my vasectomy when I was nineteen.
I had been to 5-6 specialist and had two procedures that did not help.
I became frustrated and decided that I would be better off without them.
I found out about modern eunuchs and discovered my longing to become one at around age 23. I had no understanding of gender identity as a concept or why I felt this way. I started lurking on the EA forums shortly after it was founded.
At age 33, I was certain of my transition goal and open about it with my partner, but agreed to wait until age 40 for bone health reasons.
After being derailed by several major life events and associated drama, and much learning about gender dysphoria and nonbinary transgender identities, I finally became a eunuch at age 48. In the two years since then, I have come out as nonbinary (they/them) and changed my name.
CKAMoose (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 6:16 pm
personally for me I never had that moment or thought. I got offered the chance to be castrated as a joke at a party with friends and [in my infinite mildly drunk 18 year old wisdom] decided "what the hell" and went through with it.
Right there at the party? Did your friends watch? Guy friends or girl friends?
I’ve known since I was three and I was running around naked and hated that I had testicles. I would sit in the tub with my penis and balls tucked behind my legs. I had those feelings often as a young boy.
When I hit puberty, the testosterone really kicked in and my sex drive and libido went crazy. From the fifth grade forward, I thought of sex constantly. When I was twelve, I started masturbating, usually about twice a week. That increased when I was a little older and by the time I was twenty, I did it twice a day if not more.
I’m now 43 and haven’t slowed down yet. I long to be able to stop, and feel calmness. I still don’t like having testicles aesthetically, for me when I’m castrated it will be a win-win.
