Depression

[plix (imported)]

Depression is something that has occasionally been a problem for me throughout life (since the adolescent years anyway). However, these last few years have seen it become more frequent, especially in terms of suicidal thoughts.

Whether I qualify for an official diagnosis of depression, I don’t know. Whatever it is, it is something that comes and goes rather than being constant. I have many good days where I seem to be completely depression free. I have other days that are more neutral. On my worst days (“depression days” as I’ve come to call them), I can feel very depressed and think of suicide often.

I am aware that the pharmaceutical industry likes to portray depression as having an obvious and single cause - a “chemical imbalance.” However, I’m more inclined to think that the causes of depression are multifaceted. To be sure, neurochemicals almost certainly play a role, but whether that role is as simple and random (in terms of how it happens and who experiences it) as the pharmaceutical industry portrays it is certainly up for debate. I would wonder if perhaps there are other factors that can contribute to adverse neurochemical functioning rather than neurochemical problems being a sole, random cause of depression.

Of course, like with many things, it seems very unlikely that all cases of depression have the same cause and that perhaps treating each individual case on its own is the best course of action.

In my case, I can think of at least a few different things that could be contributing:

1. My struggles over the years to figure out what works best for me as far as HRT is concerned. Overall, I tend to do better emotionally when my hormone levels are lower but not nonexistent. Too high or too low causes emotional problems. However, another problem is that what is good for me emotionally is not good for me physically. The physical side effects of lack of hormones tend to creep in if my hormone levels are not high enough.

2. My autism almost certainly plays a significant role. Folks on the spectrum frequently also experience depression. Most of us are well aware of our differences, and that knowledge can certainly contribute to feelings of depression.

3. My lack of social interaction, which is also related to the autism. I very rarely do things with others socially. When I do, I am usually depression free.

4. Feelings of being “stuck in the grind.” Depression was almost nonexistent during my recent vacation but returned afterwards. Any sort of change in environment tends to eliminate depression, at least temporarily.

5. My spiritual/existential issues (especially the frequent battle between my “emotional” and “logical” sides). It’s much more difficult to determine a direction of causality with this one (if any), but there is definitely a significant correlation for me between my depression days and believing that maybe life really is a one-time big old accident after all. In contrast, on my best depression-free days, I never doubt that life is a fundamental feature of reality and happens more than once.

My psychiatric practitioner has never diagnosed me with depression (though others have in the past). He calls my depression “situational” and an “existential crisis.” However, he has encouraged me to try antidepressants (though perhaps more for anxiety). He knows how I feel about that, and he has told me that he has never seen anyone as resistant to medication as I am. In fact, he says that it’s the other way around with most folks. They want to take even more medication, and he has to encourage them to tone it down.

I think the reasons for my resistance are also multifaceted and probably too much to get into here. The important takeaway is that medication as a treatment option is off the table for me.

Keep in mind that my depression is neither constant nor severe enough to keep me from functioning. I still live my life as normal, even on the depression days.

Given that I’m not inclined to take medication, my question is what other things might be helpful for dealing with depression and trying to prevent those bad days as much as possible?

[Valery_V (imported)]

I know for sure that people who are engaged in creative work rarely experience depression syndrome. Moreover, it does not matter what kind of activity you are engaged in: in the field of art, sports, business, science, technology, handicrafts, etc. Many people manage to show their creative interest in professional activities, for many it is expressed in the form of a hobby. It is useful to change the environment, for example, just traveling ...

[gandalf (imported)]

I cannot say I have.been bothered by bouts of depression until recently. But, I know the reason for the depression. It is not because ot low or no T but from all the official paperwork that goes into clearing things up after a death. My wife passed away June 23. Had to wait 6 weeks for death certificates so the financial and all other concerns could be done. Thank goodness, I have be all that taken care of. Now all I want to do is sleep.

[TopManFL (imported)]

NOTE: the Quote below has been edited just to make it easier to track my reply.

...

especially in terms of suicidal thoughts. I can feel very depressed and think of suicide often.

In my case, I can think of at least a few different things that could be contributing:

... as far as HRT is concerned...I ...

to do better emotionally when my hormone levels are lower but not nonexistent.

I very rarely do things with others socially. When I do, I am usually depression free.

In contrast, on my best depression-free days, I never doubt that life is a fundamental feature of reality and happens more than once.

He calls my depression “situational” and an “existential crisis.” However, he has encouraged me to try antidepressants

The important takeaway is that medication as a treatment option is off the table for me.

...my question is what other things might be helpful for dealing with depression and trying to prevent those bad days as much as possible?

Plix,

Thank you for your post. It is a very important topic that many are afraid to voice. Your post comes across as being very brave.

You mention suicidal thoughts twice. I only reply to those to say I'm glad you are in therapy for that. I'm not a medical professional so take my comments knowing that.

The topic of HRT's mental and physical effects is one that gets discussed here frequently. A low dose of HRT does seem to be the best for many and I'm glad you brought that up. Your experience, strength, and hope are valuable as you've tried low, medium, and high.

Social situations help you and yet you have a hard time being in a social situation. That is, as you know, a vicious circle. I am grateful you brought it up because it will help others know they are not the only ones.

You and your therapist seem to approach life from an existential point of view. That appears to be helpful to you. I have no idea if life is just a very complex chemical reaction or if it was planned out by a creator. Nevertheless, this is the life I have now and I try to live it in the same way you seem to do, one day at a time.

Regarding other things. The one thing you don't mention is exercise. I find it helps me when I get some exercise and when I don't I can also slip into depression.

Again, thank you for this topic,

TMFL

[plix (imported)]

I know for sure that people who are engaged in creative work rarely experience depression syndrome. Moreover, it does not matter what kind of activity you are engaged in: in the field of art, sports, business, science, technology, handicrafts, etc. Many people manage to show their creative interest in professional activities, for many it is expressed in the form of a hobby. It is useful to change the environment, for example, just traveling ...

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Valery_V!

Life definitely seems intended to be creative, and I have heard that one protective factor against depression is having a sense of purpose in life, which can certainly come in the form of a hobby or creative pursuit. These days, I rarely do much outside of work. When I was younger, one of my most noteworthy creative pursuits was writing - short stories and novels and that sort of thing. Over the years, I mostly stopped doing it, which I suppose could also be indicative of depression. There is an idea I've had spinning around in my head for the last couple of years or so that I really should try to get down on paper, but I still can'

t decide whether to do it as a novel or screenplay.

I cannot say I have.been bothered by bouts of depression until recently. But, I know the reason for the depression. It is not because ot low or no T but from all the official paperwork that goes into clearing things up after a death. My wife passed away June 23. Had to wait 6 weeks for death certificates so the financial and all other concerns could be done. Thank goodness, I have b

e all that taken care of. Now all I want to do is sleep.

Sorry to hear that, gandalf. Losing someone to death is never easy, b

ut I am glad to hear that everything is taken care of. Hopefully things will get better for you from here.

NOTE: the Quote below has been edited just to make it easier to track my reply.

Plix,

Thank you for your post. It is a very important topic that many are afraid to voice. Your post comes across as being very brave.

You mention suicidal thoughts twice. I only reply to those to say I'm glad you are in therapy for that. I'm not a medical professional so take my comments knowing that.

The topic of HRT's mental and physical effects is one that gets discussed here frequently. A low dose of HRT does seem to be the best for many and I'm glad you brought that up. Your experience, strength, and hope are valuable as you've tried low, medium, and high.

Social situations help you and yet you have a hard time being in a social situation. That is, as you know, a vicious circle. I am grateful you brought it up because it will help others know they are not the only ones.

You and your therapist seem to approach life from an existential point of view. That appears to be helpful to you. I have no idea if life is just a very complex chemical reaction or if it was planned out by a creator. Nevertheless, this is the life I have now and I try to live it in the same way you seem to do, one day at a time.

Regarding other things. The one thing you don't mention is exercise. I find it helps me whe

n I get some exercise and when I don't I can also slip into depression.

Again, thank you for this topic,

TMFL

No problem, and thank you for sharing your thoughts!

It isn't really therapy, more along the lines of medication management. However, this practitioner is definitely more caring and compassionate than others I've had in the past. He seems to care more about me as a person rather than just wanting to prescribe the pill and push me out of there like others I've worked with.

Therapy could be an option for me in the future if I ever get insurance, but I would hate to be that poor therapist who is going to be burdened with hearing all my spiritual/existential thoughts

Speaking of that, I too don't know what life is or where consciousness comes from, and while I think the question is interesting and worth exploring, that isn't the critical question for me. Even if science were somehow able to prove that consciousness is a byproduct of the material brain, that wouldn't do much to change things for me. That is because my question is - whatever life is or wherever consciousness comes from - is it something that can happen more than once? Or is there some mechanism in place that, once consciousness has been experienced a single time, prevents it from ever happening again for all eternity? If so, just what is this mechanism and how - despite the fact that what was "me" is dead and therefore supposedly nonexistent just like before "me" was born - does it cause "me" to still exist as a separate, clearly definable thing that is precluded from having access to any future consciousness to come out of the void - that same void that "me" came out of before "me" existed?

On my best days, I can clearly see that life - whatever it is - very obviously happens more than once. On my worst days, I can't help but think that I am the only one who just can't seem to understand the existence and nature of that mechanism that does allow it to only happen once.

I'm digressing pretty heavily of course, but hopefully it is clear to see how much of an issue this is for me. I would say that, especially in the last few months or so, it is the single factor most contributing to my depression.

You are very right though, and I am coming to realize that we can spend so much time dwelling on existential questions and the big picture that we completely forget to live this life. It is definitely something I'm trying to work on.

I also think you're right about exercise. I do try to go for a brisk walk about five times a week, but I could probably be doing more. It is very tough, however, in this modern world to get the amount of exercise our bodies need.

Thanks again!

[TopManFL (imported)]

I cannot say I have.been bothered by bouts of depression until recently. But, I know the reason for the depression. It is not because ot low or no T but from all the official paperwork that goes into clearing things up after a death. My wife passed away June 23. Had to wait 6 weeks for death certificates so the financial and all other con

cerns could be done. Thank goodness, I have be all that t

aken care of. Now all I want to do is sleep.

Hey @gandalf,

I am sorry to hear about your wife. I cannot say that I know how you feel. What I can tell you is that in the past two years I've lost a brother and a father. To say the least, it was a one-two punch.

One very helpful place I found was the Hospice family after-care program. Even if a loved one didn't have Hospice care, they offer grief support. In my area, they offer that support on the phone, in one-on-one sessions, and at a group level with other people. It's strange at first and yet, strong bonds develop in the group.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

TMFL

[TopManFL (imported)]

That is because my question is - whatever life is or wherever consciousness comes from - is it something that can happen more than once?

I wish I had the answer to that question. An interesting way to look at it is with Stephen Hawking's prediction that it is impossible to lose information in the universe. Even if matter, and the information it contains, were to fall into a black hole, that information would remain.

I won't even pretend that I understand quantum mechanics - let alone the theories surrounding black holes - but, it is comforting to know that material information is never lost.

TMFL

[plix (imported)]

I wish I had the answer to that question. An interesting way to look at it is with Stephen Hawking's prediction that it is impossible to lose information in the universe. Even if matter, and the information it contains, were to fall into a black hole, that information would remain.

I won't even pretend that I understand quantum mechanics - let alone the theories surrounding black holes - but, it is comforting to know that material information is never lost.

TMFL

I'm not much of a scientist either and haven't studied Stephen Hawking much, but is that something like the law of conservation of energy? I often hear folks cite that law in support of the idea that personal consciousness survives death. If consciousness is a form of energy subject to that law, then I suppose the natural conclusion would be that it does survive death. However, survival of my consciousness after death is not by any means necessary for me to see the very high likelihood that life happens more than once. After all, my consciousness was created seemingly "ex nihilo" when I was born. Why couldn't the same thing happen again after my life is over? To say that I am the only time in all of eternity that someone will emerge from a state of previous nonexistence and find themselves to be a now existing thing seems extremely unlikely to me.

[Valery_V (imported)]

Our consciousness is a reflection of the external world in our head. The outside world continues to exist even when we lose our head. Thus, we can say that our consciousness always continues to exist!

(In fact, a philosophical question is being considered, so there may be such an answer).

[TopManFL (imported)]

I'm not much of a scientist either and haven't studied Stephen Hawking much, but is that something like the law of conservation of energy? I often hear folks cite that law in support of the idea that personal consciousness survives death. If consciousness is a form of energy subject to that law, then I suppose the natural conclusion would be that it does survive death. However, survival of my consciousness after death is not by any means necessary for me to see the very high likelihood that life happens more than once. After all, my consciousness was created seemingly "ex nihilo" when I was born. Why couldn't the same thing happen again after my life is over? To say that I am the only time in all of eternity that someone will emerge from a state of previous nonexistence and find themselves to be a now existing thing seems extremely unlikely to me.

Now, I'm going to think about this all day long.

Those are all very good questions and I don't have much of an answer to them.

Energy can never be lost, Matter and Energy are equivalent E=MC2, Humans are made of matter and Energy, Consciousness is created in the human brain using Energy and Matter.

Okay, now my head is spinning.

TMFL