The (short) Jouney so far

[BillyBlogs (imported)]

Hi folks,

After a lifetime of mere fantasy, I hit on this site last night. Prior to that, the idea of me being castrated and my scrotum becoming a thing of the past was no more than a secret idea of mine. One I never suspected others of having.

As an aside, it's interesting in and of itself when severely compartmentalised thinking is suddenly released into the general consciousness. Sort of like being a bit close to an erupting volcano I would guess. A bit scary, but very exciting too.

So, over the past 24 and a bit hours I have learnt a hell of a lot.

The first thing I turned my thinking towards was why do I want this? Am I, and all these others, a bit off the rails? Well, I can't answer that. You all might be sane.

I do not really want to be more feminine, I'm quite happy as a male. This is all about the aesthetic.

Right back in primary school I had an incredibly strong urge that my genitals were not right somehow. Once puberty hit and I couldn't keep my hands out of mischief, I soon discovered that I could push my nuts up into my abdomen, and pull the sack backwards so it's out of sight. Ever since then I have wanted that smooth clean no scrotum look. But that was the early 70's. Society was conservative, and I was ashamed.

I had a prince albert piercing done ages ago, but I think that was an act of misguided frustration. Back then a P.A. was radical, and castration desires were "sicko".

After a lot of reading, primarily here, my first big question concerned the sudden decrease in testosterone, and the terrible effects that can have on one's mood. I now believe that for some people, this wasn't a big deal, but for others it can be a dreadful experience. So the question arose, as my grandmother would ask, is there a way to test and try before I buy?

Thankfully I found the answer in the chemical castration department. And it's yes. Now I have to start looking into which drugs work best for the trial. I am a bit prone to depression. Sometimes it can be rather unpleasant. So much so that if I can't manage this really well, it'll probably be a deal breaker.

From there I guess it'll be a case of finding out where I could source said drugs. I'm still quite nervous about discussing this with any live human, face to face. And I've only seen my new G.P. a couple of times, which makes me feel a bit sort of awkward. The idea of actually taking action on this is still quite a sensation. I suppose I'm going to have to get over the shyness before much progress is going to be made.

Is there anyone in Australia, and particularly N.S.W. who has knowledge on what it's like to be on the lookout for help with getting medication that inhibits or prevents the making of testosterone? I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm asking for yet. Does anyone from around here know anything about what it would be like if I decided to go ahead and be gelded?

Thanks for reading.

[Losethem (imported)]

Hi and welcome.

Plenty of us around here know exactly what it is like to be gelded. Many of us knew we wanted/needed this from a very young age. Myself, I can remember as young as 5 years old knowing those body parts between my legs just seemed incorrect. I finally had myself corrected 6 years ago, and my body is finally comfortable for me.

Though you've wanted this for a long time, take some time before you take action. The biggest thing to take into consideration with all of this is if you wish to still have a sex drive. If you do, chemical castration is likely not for you. That only gives you a "test-drive" or "try before you buy" of what it would be like to be without testosterone. I've noticed over the years, the majority of those of us who have parted ways with our testicles, go on some sort of hormone replacement once they've been removed from our bodies.

I can say I have a rather healthy sex life, despite the fact I have nothing between my legs. I feel fulfilled and have no regrets. The question is, what do you see as your destination with all of this? A question only you can answer.

[BillyBlogs (imported)]

Thanks Losethem,

This does indeed go to the heart of the matter. There are two conflicting issues around sex drive with me.

The first is that I love to play with myself. No surprises there. There have been times when I thought I would end up with a cock the shape of a screwdriver handle and a fist full of callus.

On the other hand ( no pun intended he says, lying) I'm gay, single, over sixty and mildly autistic. In other words alone and lonely. Raping every man who walks past me with my eyes I'm so sexually frustrated isn't the way to carry on.

I have read where some seem to be able to manipulate their testosterone levels up and down to manipulate their sex drive as they would like it. This seems to be as simple as changing the amount of an ointment one rubs in, or changing the dose some other way.

For some though, hormone replacement seems to make very little difference. It's that oft repeated line about variability in biology I guess. Just a little more certainty here would be great. With some assurance that my moods can be well managed with HRT, I'd be off skipping down the path to the nearest urologist yesterday.

I think this is where I need to learn some more, but I'm not sure how just yet. How might I find out how I would fare without any testosterone? This can be answered by the temporary chemical castration. And, how well would I respond to a replacement regime? This I don't know how to answer.

(Edit) In spite of the skipping down the path comment above, I've managed OK for a long time, I'm not in any actual rush.

[Umptieth (imported)]

Billy, I can totally relate to your story. Been there done that (with the exception of the P.A.).

So I am probably as off the rails as you

Keep us informed of your chemical trial.

FYI, I've done Androcur for some time with mixed success. The castration effects as such were nice but the out-of-breath side effect was the thing that made me give up. So here I am again...

[sftineun (imported)]

Thanks Losethem,

The first is that I love to play with myself. No surprises there. . . .

On the other hand ( no pun intended he says, lying) I'm gay, single, over sixty and mildly autistic. In other words alone and lonely. Raping every man who walks past me with my eyes I'm so sexually frustrated isn't the way to carry on.

I have read where some seem to be able to manipulate their testosterone levels up and down to manipulate their sex drive as they would like it. This seems to be as simple as changing the amount of an ointment one rubs in, or changing the dose some other way.

For some though, hormone replacement seems to make very little difference. It's that oft repeated line about variability in biology I guess. Just a little more certainty here would be great. With some assurance that my moods can be well managed with HRT, I'd be off skipping down the path to the nearest urologist yesterday.

I think this is where I need to learn some more, but I'm not sure how just yet. How might I find out how I would fare without any testosterone? This can be answered by the temporary chemical castration. And, how well would I respond to a replacement regime? This I don't know how to answer.

(Edit) In spite of the skipping down the path comment above, I've managed OK for a long time, I'm not in any actual rush.

Welcome to EA. You will find a lot of different experiences shared on this wonderful platform. I started my trial castration with Androcur more than a decade ago, and eventually gotten permanently castrated chemically (as I am very squeamish with going under the knife). I posted under a different user name "hkeunuch" documenting my "test run" with anti-androgen meds.

I am using HRT, and with a little help with Viagra and androgel, as a passive gay male in the 60's.

You mentioned you can get depressive. If so, be very very careful even with temporary chemical castration. One member here shared on the Chemical Castration Forum that he attempted suicide and almost succeeded with just a short time on Androcur. If I were you, I'd try to find an understanding psychiatrist (say someone within or experienced with the GLBTQ+ community) to monitor my changes.