Coming out

[oscarjackson (imported)]

I came out to my partner 2 nights ago. I had not planned it and I wasn’t even thinking that day would be to day, but after a couple of drinks I had a sudden eruption of emotions and completely broke down crying, I was a total blubbering mess! He asked me what was going on and I tried to cover it but it was very obvious I was not ok. He told me how much he loved me and that he would always be here for me and I just said it, I told him don’t identify with or want to have a penis!

So a little back story to this is that I had an orchiectomy 4 years ago. I was single and had been wanting this for a very long time, I had some money and decided to travel to the USA to see Dr Arnkoff in Detroit. I planed and booked my trip and surgery in January 2017 and booked surgery for March 11. In this time I met my now partner in February. Unsure of how things would turn out for us I decided to keep my plans and when I returned home I said it was due to a medical issue I was having with my testicles.

Things were fine, he never asked and I was the happiest I’d ever been, we fell in love and life was amazing but as our relationship grew stronger I started to feel like I was keeping a secret from him. Sometime in 2019 I felt we had an unbreakable bond and decided it was time to tell him the truth, I was scared but I needed the do it. He was completely excepting and supportive but I didn’t feel the time was right to tell him I was wanting more even though he asked if I did. I explained I had no interest in transitioning to female and want to remain a male, I just didn’t identify with my testicles.

So now coming back to 2 nights ago, I stared by saying “remember that talk we had, well there’s more to it”. I again explained that I want to remain male in my external appearance. I do not have an issue with how I look, in fact I’m very happy with my appearance!

He asked me some questions and what I want to have down there. Ive been thinking about 2 options, 1 is nullification the other is SRS bottom surgery! But I’m pretty certain I know what one I want more and that is to have a vagina.

He was taken back by this conversation and also my out poring of emotions. I’ve kept this inside for at least 22 years, I have carried a lot shame for how I feel and I came to the breaking point and all of this emotion exploded!

But after talking he said it’s ok, I support you! I love you! And I’m in this for the long haul! Our friends and family all say we make a great team and this was just more proof that we are!

We have work ahead of us, we have both agreed I need to do this the right way and we both need to speak to a therapist together as this is going to be quite the adjustment and learning period for both of our lives together.

I have wanted to come out for so long but past experience in relationships and with therapist/doctors have made me push it deeper and deeper inside. I feel that things are starting to change in the world and gender variances are becoming more excepted now so I hope this time around will work out better and having a support person behind me will make a big difference.

I won’t lie, I’m terrified! But I’m also so very relieved to not carry this on my own anymore!

[Valery_V (imported)]

I sincerely congratulate you! I wish you health, well-being and fulfillment of desires.

[TopManFL (imported)]

...

I won’t lie, I’m terrified! But I’m also so very relieved to not carry this on my own anymore!

Oscar,

I don't cry easily and this made me tear up (I blamed it on the onions that I was not cutting up at the time)

You had better marry your partner because he is a keeper. That man is in love with you and not your balls nor your penis.

He supports you and loves you. Every fear you had was erased by his acceptance of you exactly the way that you are.

But after talking he said it’s ok, I support you! I love you! And I’m in this for the long haul! Our friends and family all say we make a great team and this was just more proof that we are!

Love him back and keep him in the decision-making.

TMFL

[oscarjackson (imported)]

I feel so incredibly lucky to have this man by my side! He has been so supportive! We have touched on it a couple of times since now just to check in on each other and how we move on to the next step of seeking out a good doctor and therapist. Unfortunately we don’t have many local options here but Hopefully we can find some even if it’s via video link and travel.

I’ve had quite a few bad anxiety attacks this week as in the past I’ve not have a great experience with seeking help, but that was possibly because I didn’t have the support behind me to be able to fully be comfortable speaking to a therapist about how I feel and fear of rejection.

I’m looking forward to being able to explore the person inside I’ve keep hidden for so long.

[TopManFL (imported)]

I feel so incredibly lucky to have this man by my side! He has been so supportive! We have touched on it a couple of times since now just to check in on each other and how we move on to the next step of seeking out a good doctor and therapist. Unfortunately we don’t have many local options here but Hopefully we can find some even if it’s via video link and travel.

I’ve had quite a few bad anxiety attacks this week as in the past I’ve not have a great experience with seeking help, but that was possibly because I didn’t have the support behind me to be able to fully be comfortable speaking to a therapist about how I feel and fear of rejection.

I’m looking forward to being able to explore the person inside I’ve keep hidden for so long.

Hey!

Thanks for the update. Consider starting a blog. You can keep this post going as well. However, a blog offers just a different way to express yourself. You can even start your blog with a copy of your first post - which was one of the most open and honest posts I've ever read on here.

TMFL

[RR_Randy (imported)]

Congratulations with your decision and great to read how your partner accepts your choice.

I recognize a lot in what you write. Last year I told my wife that I wanted a zero depth SRS after having dealt with gender issues for many years. Same reason as you mention, the changing world and gender variances seeming to be more accepted. My wife was and still is very supportive.

In this phase of your coming out such a supportive reaction of your partner is the best thing that can happen!

[oscarjackson (imported)]

Thanks for support, it’s a nice feeling to know I’m not alone in how I feel.

Ive decided to start looking for a gender therapist in my area or someone I could even do Skype sessions with if they are not local. It would seem the only local option is the sexual health clinic here, I have contacted them but the wait time is over 2 months to get my first session. I have been here approx 4/5 years ago and I didn’t get a great vibe, this may have been the fact that at the time I was single, I didn’t have the support I have now, I had a lot going on at the time and I just wasn’t in a good place to talk about this so I’m going in with an open mind in hope that this time things will be different.

[kkks (imported)]

Congratulations on opening up the topic and having a very supportive partner.

[Nidaho Rachel (imported)]

(

He asked me some questions and what I want to have down there. Ive been thinking about 2 options, 1 is nullification the other is SRS bottom surgery! But I’m pretty certain I know what one I want more and that is to have a vagina

)

It's fantastic that in your coming out that you find that you have your partners support!

I have felt since I was a young child that I would be much happier with one of those two options down there. When I was younger I wanted a vagina, as I've gotten older I think nullification or a zero depth vaginoplasty would be a better option for me.