Salutations

[umbratotalus (imported)]

Hi everyone.

I’ve been around the site before, and I can’t remember if the last time I registered I actually introduced myself, but I figured I’ve got questions and feeling I need help with and this is probably the best place to figure out exactly what, how, and why.

I’m a Cis-Gender Bisexual Male, and something that deeply concerns me is the relationship I seem to have with my penis. I’m on good terms with my testicles, they provide testosterone and I also get physically sick with the idea of losing them, or any other part of my body, except one.

Over the past few years I’ve come to realize that I’m ambivalent or apathetic about my penis, not to the point of actively being destructive, but to the point where I feel I could lose it and not mind. Though I do also feel that I could have it replaced with a vagina and clitoris and feel better, though I’m not sure if I would feel the same with a penile inversion vaginoplasty. I do still use it for sexual stimulation, and actively Top during sex, which is why my feelings are ambivalent or apathetic, because I’m not sure why I’m fine doing those if I’d prefer a vagina and clitoris.

I’m afraid to bring this up with anyone, and I’ve never actually said any of this to anyone. I haven’t even said it to the Psychologist that I actively see because I’m afraid of them simply saying “you’re Transgender because if you want a vagina that’s the only explanation,” and missing the fact that I’m perfectly fine with my Gender identity especially my testicles, which I’m not sure exactly how all Transgender persons feel, but generally I would think that it would be a whole package. The other thing that worries me about telling my Psychologist is getting the, “you’re not being actively abusive or destructive toward it, just live with it.”

It’s actually really weird typing this out, and I’m even more anxious about accidentally having said something wrong and offending the community here, it’s just that helping people with these sorts of feelings seems to be this community’s forte and I’m hoping that by talking about it I’ll understand myself better.

[Losethem (imported)]

You're doing fine. None of us will fault you for getting your thoughts about this out there.

Welcome to the archive.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Hi everyone...............

It’s actually really weird typing this out, and I’m even more anxious about accidentally having said something wrong and offending the community here, it’s just that helping people with these sorts of feelings seems to be this community’s forte and I’m hoping that by talking about it I’ll understand myself better.

You couldn't have chosen a better place to confide your feelings with. You won't be put down in here and are very welcome so keep reading, learning and sharing.