My very first chemical castration trial!

[tobi24876 (imported)]

First I want to express how glad I am that I have found such a cummunity as this, where people can share information, their thought and feelings about things many others would find awkward (at best).

About me

I'm a 27 years old cis-male, identifying as homosexual with quite some bisexual tendencies (but being just gay if asked, no reason to make things more complicated and I have learned that most people just want the world to be easy or at least labeled easily). I've been a lurker on this board for 10 years, my desire for castration persists even longer. I finally got the balls to order Androcur and start a trial.

Why do it?

I think my case can be considered relatively common, as I've chatted with and read about many guys who want castration for similar reasons, that being foremost the reduction and complete elimination of sexdrive, often (as for me) due to a libido that is perceived as too high.

I for example masturbate several times a day, often for an extended amount of time and even if I do not masturbate I have a lot of sexual thought that make concentrating really hard. To make it short, I had the feeling that my sexuality was interferring negatively with my life and thought it might be a good idea to do a trial and see if things change in a positive way or not (or if the cons outweight the pros).

Dosage

I want to follow the recommended dosage, being 100 mg (2x50 mg) Androcur per day until the first effects show (which seems to be around 2 weeks, which is what I aim for) and then go down to 50 mg (2x25 mg) per day or even 25 mg if that is enough to retain the results. I have not decided yet how long I want this trial to run, but with the medication I already bought it would last for two and a half month following the described dosage. However, if for some reason I do not like the effects it has on my body or can't tolerate the side effects I will stop sooner (which is common sense I guess).

I have not consulted a doctor, did not have my blood checked or anything, I know this puts me at a slight risk, but since I'm otherwise healthy, I think it is justifiable.

Complications

As usual, the devil is in the details. There are reasons why I have not started this trial sooner. One is, that only recently I found an online shop that would ship to my country and was legit too.

Then there are some fears I had and still have, those are:

Feminisation. While I absolutely love to jerk of to shemales and traps and often fantasised about being one (crosdressing from time to time), I do not want my body to become feminised, at least not in a way that might be noticed by others. Becoming slightly more androgynous is okay, but my main concern here is gynecomastia. I heared that the risk can be reduced by taking medication that blocks estrogen too, but I did not buy that and I simply hope that for a relatively short time as I have planned, this won't become relevant.

Foggy mind and lack of motivation. Many guys that live testosterone free report at some point that there capacity to concentrate is somewhat reduced and they find it hard to motivate themselves. I fear that this trial might affect my work, especially since I can barely handle it anyway and have to concentrate hard, so I really hope I won't be affected a lot.

Boyfriend. Now it gets tricky, I do not want to go into too much detail here, but these are the facts: I have a boyfriend, we have been together for several years, live together for a year. I love him very much. He does not know about my castration wish and neither of me actually doing it. I simply could not tell him, he is a kind soul, but stubborn in his ways and I'm sure he wouldn't understand it. How the fuck is this supposed to work if I have a boyfriend that I live together with? Not sure, but since we rarely have sex, I imagine it should not be so problematic. At least I hope that I can get through with it, have to see..

Day 2

Wait, aren't you supposed to start with day 1? Oops, sorry, I already started the trial yesterday, so this is day two. And since there is no change anyway, it doesn't really matter.

Though, I had quite bad sleep this night, but I guess it's not related to the medication. Some reported having bad sleep, but not after a day or can that happen that quickly?

Anyway, thanks for reading this bloated post, I will keep you updated!

[keyman419 (imported)]

I have not decided yet how long I want this trial to run, but with the medication I already bought it would last for two and a half month following the described dosage. However, if for some reason I do not like the effects it has on my body or can't tolerate the side effects I will stop sooner (which is common sense I guess).

Welcome to the other side. I too have done chem cast trials many years ago. I did 3 6 month trials over the course of about a 4 year span. I used Depo Provera injections. I encourage everyone to make sure they give the trial a long enough time to reach full effects as things tend to develop and change over longer term. You aren't going to grow D cup breasts in 3 months nor will your body experience dramatic changes even to the point of being slight androgynous. All of this takes a long time. Be prepared to go longer than 2.5 months as things are still changing, hormones and body & brain functions. If you are serious, give it time to really give you the experience you desire longer term. Read up on the dosages because it seems you might be a tad on the low side. Others here who have used Androcur can assist further.

For me, I experienced no erections and I loved it. It made me feel the asexual person that I thought I was from the start. I will say hot flashes suck but many find they diminish over long term. Going without any hormone can be difficult but give it time. I learned to push through some it but it took several months. At this point I am pursuing full nullification and the chem cast trials taught me what to expect once the balls are gone and how I should work my HRT after.

Good luck and enjoy your new journey and what you can learn. Give it a full chance to see if this helps you achieve the happiness you desire. Keep us informed how you are doing.

[tobi24876 (imported)]

Day 4

As expected, nothing to report, everything still normal.

I'm actually feeling more energetic, but I think that can be safely attributed to a placebo effect. I suppose it's just due to the satisfaction of finally getting to do something I was fantasising about for so long.

Anyway, probably going to have sex tonight! Hopefully satisfying my boyfriend for a while, because if everything goes as planned I might not be able to when things start kicking...

Regarding the dosage: I think I am on a conservative side, starting with 100 mg daily, it's what is recommended in most threads here and also in the instruction leaflet of androcur, so I will continue with it and may increase the dosage if I have no effects at all after 3 weeks or so. As one of the disadvantages of unsupervised self-medication, I have no idea what my testosterone levels were to begin with and how to adapt dosage to compensate for things like age (I'm young so I probably need a higher dose?) or weight (I'm pretty skinny, so a lower dose might be enough...). Since I can only speculate on all those things, I just take the "recommended" dose and see how well it goes

[Cseriess (imported)]

Over the counter T tests are easy to obtain. Just spot in a pile when you wake up. Would be a good idea to get one. My T hasn't recoverd to pre androcur days even after 6 months. It is at normal levels for my age tight now, but it was much higher.

[tobi24876 (imported)]

How long did your trial last?

[erikboy (imported)]

Regarding the dosage: I think I am on a conservative side, starting with 100 mg daily, it's what is recommended in most threads here and also in the instruction leaflet of androcur, so I will continue with it and may increase the dosage if I have no effects at all after 3 weeks or so. As one of the disadvantages of unsupervised self-medication, I have no idea what my testosterone levels were to begin with and how to adapt dosage to compensate for things like age (I'm young so I probably need a higher dose?) or weight (I'm pretty skinny, so a lower dose might be enough...). Since I can only speculate on all those things, I just take the "recommended" dose and see how well it goes

Doctors normally do not bother themselves with dosage if there is no specific age, weight or other type of dosage related recommendations. They just prescribe you a recommended dosage and after a while check you if you need some dosage change, unless you won't complain about intolerable side effects. The same applies to Androcur too. I guess your dosage logic is sound. And you can change it if it is needed.

[TopManFL (imported)]

Welcome and thanks for the thoughtful and informative introduction. Every member makes this community better.

[chilliwilli (imported)]

A period of adjustment to see if you like yourself impotent should help conceptualize the benefits vs the loss(if any). There's the initial realization that you are no longer a "man", then there is a period of adjusting to yourself and relationships. Depression is always a concern. Make sure you watch out for that and try to gain insight into causes and ways to alleviate feelings of emptiness and loss. Hopefully it's gonna be a win win for you! No loss all gain!

There are folks here who wish they had been castrated 20 years sooner. Take your time.

chilli

[tobi24876 (imported)]

Thanks for all that support! It really helps knowing that there are a ton of guys, who have gone through similar feelings, who understand me and appreciate my effort to change myself, I wish more people would be like you!

Day 6

Been jerking yesterday (twice), easy and firm erections, cum seemed thinner and more watery, but that just happens from time to time anyway.

Today, no jerking and almost no sexual thought, but then again, I was very busy and helping a friend with his relocation. And although helping to move from one apartment to another is at best a chore and usually a nuisance, this time I usually would have found it a complete disaster... almost no organisation, utter chaos and it took us a whopping 9 hours to move so few stuff that would have been easily possible to do in 3 or 4 hours... so if something like this happens I usually tend to get grumpy very quickly, the proceed with being pissed off the whole day. But not today! I mean I still realized what a mess this was, but it was more like "okay, a bit more work maybe, but it's basically free exercise and hanging around with friends at the same time instead of staying at home, doing nothing than jerking off". I have no idea if that has something to do with testosterone dropping or if it's just a more positive mindset of me being happy and trying to change my attitude (which I always failed to do in the past). Also, took my second pill several hours later than usual, but I think Androcur is not the type of medication where timing is that critical

Cheers!

[erikboy (imported)]

Taking your pills several hours later or earlier does not matter much. Androcur average half time in blood serum is around 48 hours. Even if you miss one day completely, it doesn't matter much. Androcur levels fluctuate very slowly. You may squeeze your missed pill in between two pills or completely forget it.