My experience from the loss of testosterone from the surgery was immense.
It essentially culminated into an identity crisis as my personality changed (for the better). I think that if you are on the edge of such a change inside of you, having such a change in your hormonal status can, and may, flick a switch.
I remember crying in bed one night as I realised how alone I was in life. My partner was there to comfort me. This was very strange as I have been introverted for a long time and have took great comfort in solitude to contemplate and be at peace. Yet, I quite quickly had this "eunuch feeling of vulnerability" quickly develop. My endocrinologist said that many eunuchs report this. But that as well as just a burgeoning desire to be sociable, which again seemed very alien to me. Perhaps this could lead credence to a sort of natural desire for eunuchs to collectivise together? (which I am having as well).
Oh, and I also had these other brief moments of what I can only describe as feelings of spirituality. I became a christian for the first proper time in my life in the last quarter of last year, and I developed an appreciation for poetry, nature, and flowers (I'm not joking lol).
When I went onto TRT, these feelings diminished, and I generally reversed back into my previous personality. With the aforementioned points decreasing in influence on me.
Now I am in the process of having the last TRT in me deplete. I am going to live for the rest of my life as eunuch without TRT. Although I am no longer a Christian now (due to ethical disagreements), my desire to be around nature, feel spiritual, and read poetry, is starting to grow again.
In fact, I hope that I can be like I was last year when my T-levels naturally dropped after the op. I want to be sort of like that person again. I was a better person. More better and happy than I have ever been. And I can feel myself moving closer to it
I will discuss the above in much more detail when I complete my blog story one day. I am thinking of making a Youtube video of it as well. All in good time
I am looking forward to the positive changes that I can feel are increasing as the days go by. Though, I would still consider myself in the T-withdrawal phase at the moment, so it is challenging at the moment (depression, anxiety, concentration issues, etc). But I think I have gone through the worst of it now.
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Yes, I thought I might have had too high of a T-level before as I was hoping back then, that it was, so that it could've been treated and then not needing have the surgery. But I think deep down I knew that my physical pain would not go even if there was any link with a high T-level.
I will probably have another T-level check in a few months
