So, my trial will come to an end at around 15. of August. If there are no sudden changes in plans.
Well, meanwhile I did masturbate yesturday. Everything seem to be the same as it has been during last 2 months. I could achive soft erection in 3 minutes and orgasm in 10-15 minutes afterwards, if I don't loose interest, which I occassionally do. This time orgasm was very shallow and mild. At first I thought I had first dry orgasm since puberty, but after a while few drops of clear liquid emerged. Sometimes it is more clear, other times greyish. But interestingly I have been relatively horny last 2 weeks. I I have been thinking quite often about sexual stuff. Which is weird, as I take 100mg/day of Androcur every day. Perhaps I take another test of my T levels soon, to be sure that T is at castrate levels.
Some thoughts about less joy in eunuch life. Yes, it is not only me who has noticed that. So it must be quite common. Also I feel that I am less organized. And it is difficult to me to start big changes. Like move to another place or ask more salary or search for a new job. Which makes eunuchs more docile for outside observer. But it might not be this way. Not quitting bad job is not a sign of being content with that job. It is a sign of difficulty to take initiative, to organize, to force stuff being done. This might cause depression, which is common in eunuchs. Or this might be one of many reasons for depression. Feeling hopeless.
this reminds me my puberty. As there are many positive effects with high T levels, I remember that extra joy of being alive, there were moments of extra clarity of my mind that I remember clearly to this day. My memory became much better. Suddenly music seemed to obtain deeper meanings, more impression from music that I liked. Small things in everyday life seemed to be interesting I picked up deeper interest in certain stuff, like elctronics. Now all these things I described above are reversed. But that was expected to happen. I still do my stuff and have some joy doing it, but being constantly tired and disinterested in anything, makes progress very slow. Like 5x time slower.
I keep thinking that testosterone sensitivity first, varies in people, as people might feel completely different at same T-levels. And also sensitivity to T lowers over the time. I don't know why. May be there is less T'receptors in older people. Also, I suspect that Androcur could destroy T receptors over time. That is not studied of course.
One more thing, people who plan to start chemical castration, should change their lifestyle before they start with chemical castration. It is much
It is almost impossible to start any change when you go through rapid drop of T in your body. You are busy with lack of energy, and dealing with other effects you are going through. As I described above, it is more difficult for eunuch to start changes generally. And if you are unable to start it, you might be frustrated and feel down.
But I am still feeling fine with all the above.
