Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 10:19 am When mom first saw my new hair last November and noticed that I was growing a bust, she didn't know what in the world was happening.
It is amazing that some parents don't see this all along, that their "son" is really their daughter.
Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 10:19 am She found out last December 30th when I told her I had changed my name to Sherry and that I was transitioning. At that time I did not mention that I had already obtained an orchiectomy, because I knew that would shock her terribly, and she was already terribly shocked as it was. For a while I didn't think she had to know about genital surgeries either past or future.
But in the meantime mom assumed that my entire transition was merely to capture male sexual partners. Since she is extremely religious, she went and asked me a long quiz of questions about my sexuality, most of which I refused to answer. I believed that disclosing my orchiectomy and the resulting decrease of libido would convince her that this wasn't about sexuality. I also knew she would be deeply disturbed, but I didn't know how else to end her obsession over my sexuality.
Yes, quite a quandary. And this stems from some people's belief that we transition for sex. I hope that she will understand that it is not about sex--it is about gender.
Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 10:19 am Meanwhile, mom has sought to learn more about transgender, only she is learning it through her Catholic church, and has made contact with two 'ex'-transgendered persons who supposedly 'converted' and were going back to the male role, meaning that she is not seeking to learn to accept, but rather looking for reasons to not accept what I'm doing. Those two contacts seemed to also mention SRS, and that made mom wonder if I'd already done that or if I was going to.
Unfortunately, (as you know), Catholic churches are often anti-TG, so that is precisely the wrong place to learn about transsexuality. I would suggest the book "True Selves," by Mildred Brown. It very well captures the reason why we are transgendered and what we must do. Non-T people can learn quite a lot from the book and understand what we go through in our difficult lives as a TG person.
And I am appalled at those that "converted" the two TS women back to manhood. That was an atrociously evil and cruel thing to do to these people. The only known "cure" for Gender Dysphoria is transition and living as your mental gender. Forcing people not to do this is completely selfish.
Gender--male, female, in-between--seems to be hard-wired in the brain. It cannot be changed. Many of us are born with the gender of a female and the body of a male. This is not a difficult concept to grasp.
I hope that your mother can become better informed of your condition. Perhaps you can steer her in the right direction as to where to look?
Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 10:19 am So when I brought her supplies up last Wednesday evening, and the discussion turned to my transition, I disclosed that I had been castrated back in 1999. So much for her myth that I was doing all of this for sexuality, but this shocked her even more than when I first disclosed my transition and name change last December.
It may have been shocking, but does it seem good that she now knows? She is getting to know her daughter a little better now.
I am sorrowful if this did not go well. I was fearful that it might not, but yet waited for this time to come. In the end, I hope that since she now knows, this disclosure may help with your mother's acceptance of her daughter Sherry.
My mother was the first person that I told about my orchiectomy (besides my T friends). She actually took it rather well, but I know that your mother and mine are two different people.
Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 10:19 am Next, she asked me if I still had my penis and if I planned to get SRS. So I said that I was going to just get rid of the penis but not try to reconstruct anything from it. This also disturbed her tremendously.
I am saddened that she did not take this well. But from your earlier writings, I am not surprised. Yet now that she knows you better, your relationship--mother daughter--may begin to finally develop?
Your choice of penectomy may be a very wise one for you. Not all TG women wish to have a vagina. Mine comes with much maintenance as well as two yeast infections so far, and for nothing, really--I assume that I will die a virgin, and I cannot bear children anyway. The best thing about SRS is that "it" is gone.
Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 10:19 am So anyway, almost four years after I saw Dr. Spector, mom now knows that I was castrated, and while my adopted sisters are having families, mom will never have any genetic grandchildren, because I was her only natural child and I didn't bother to have any children before my orchiectomy.
Your adopted sisters are having families! And they may have children. Your mother may love these grandchildren. After all, are they any less human than "genetic" grandchildren?
It is not your fault (or hers) that you were born this way, but you were. I hope that there is much love and acceptance in your future.
I care deeply for you, and want you to have the best life that you can.
Warm hugs,
Kelly
