My Hunt for My Correct Body Image

[Hungreywolf (imported)]

I have been intersted in castration and nullification since I was a teenager back in the 1980's. My earliest sexual fantasies were of removing body parts and getting a smooth, hairless, sexless look. I discovered internet stories in 2013 and once again have gravitated to the stories about castration and nullification as well as gender shifting especially male-to-female. Then I recently discovered the Eunuch Archive. Besides the fiction I started reading the posts and information on the site and realized several things. First, I found out that I am not alone regarding my thoughts on castration and nullification. Second, I found out that people actually get castrated and nullified in real life. I also found out about the male-to-eunuch transgender dysphoria. Finally I realized that about my body hair, and genitals that I do not want them or care to have them and want to get rid of them. I tried tucking my penis and testicles away and when I looked at my self in the mirror, the image I saw with no bulge looked right to me.

I feel that I have male-to-eunuch dysphoria and am going to start the process of transitioning from male to eunuch and later to nullo. I am looking for a therapist to talk with about this and get the process started. I have talked to my sister about this and she is very supportive and not to supprised because she told me that I always seemed to be more asexual then anything else. I have never been interested in dating or having sex with anyone and I feel that I am not parent materiap and do not want to ever have kids. I have realized that I am sexually attracted to the male form but I only have masturbated and have never had sex with anyone else.

[MikeGrant (imported)]

There is a great big you might like to read from start to finish by Zebedee. Good luck and happiness on your journey.

[Dekeldoh (imported)]

Your experience seems to have many similarities to my own. You are also in an adjacent state to me. I can PM you information regarding the psychologist who wrote my initial referral for surgery, if you are interested in driving 5 hours. I think they are worth it.

[TopManFL (imported)]

Hey @Hungreywolf,

First, thanks for the post. I think you'll find that there are many people on here and other sites that are MTE trans (male to eunuch).

On a personal note, and feel free to ignore me on this one, I'm not crazy about the term "dysphoria" to describe any trans person - no matter if it's MTF, FTM, MTE, MTN, FTN. Dysphoria makes it sound like a mental illness or a disorder and I personally don't think it is - it's a gender identification. Many cis males and females just don't understand "the why" of MTE or MTB or even non-binary gender. I say that's their problem and that MTE or MTN is a valid gender.

Find a good gender therapist. You deserve good medical care for both your body and your mind. Seeing a therapist does not make you mentally ill - in fact it proves your sanity.

There is a great community on here. It's a bit "clunky" sometimes to try and find all the information that's here. Just figuring out that the Forums, the Blogs, The Fiction, The Chat and The Personals are all "separate" can take some time. Remember, the fiction section is exactly that, fiction and rarely is scientifically accurate.

I'd wish you good luck, but you don't need luck. So, I'll wish you a brave heart and courage to start your journey.

[Losethem (imported)]

On a personal note, and feel free to ignore me on this one, I'm not crazy about the term "dysphoria" to describe any trans person - no matter if it's MTF, FTM, MTE, MTN, FTN. Dysphoria makes it sound like a mental illness or a disorder and I personally don't think it is - it's a gender identification.

As a nullified male, I can say I'm not too happy about the label of dysphoria myself. What I do understand is that by allowing it to be applied to me by others (mostly in the medical profession) I was able to achieve my goal - the amputation of my male genitals. I am more comfortable in my body since that was done to completion.

For what it's worth, we should all self-identify as what we feel we are. They could have called me a purple green-spotted dinosaur if it would have gotten me across the finish line. Just remember that when it comes to seeking your surgery through a legitimate path you are going to be labeled gender dysphoric, just go with it. If being a eunuch/nullo is truly what you are, embrace and live with the label. We can work on getting the rest of the world to correct it later.

[Hungreywolf (imported)]

I agree with both of you regarding the label of gender dysphoria and being trans. However, being labeled with gender dysphoria allows me to reach my goal of becoming a eunuch and then a nullo, I will accept and embrace the label as much as I need to.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Don't really care what they call me as long as they call me for dinner. As goes the old saying. Sometimes in life it's just easier to go with the flow in order to achieve our goals.

[Dekeldoh (imported)]

The term "dysphoria" does not bother me at all. In fact, I think it's impressively apt, neutral, and inoffensive. It stems from Ancient Greek, like its antonym "euphoria," and can function as a simple blanket term for generic unhappiness, discomfort, or misery. I do not see any grounds for it to imply prejudice nor infer disability. In the context of individuals pursuing surgical transition, it does imply some discomfort with one's presurgical body state. However, I think that's a forgivable assumption to make. If one already likes their body and merely wants to change it for social or personal reasons, well, that's perfectly valid and "dysphoria" would indeed not apply to them. Far be it from me to assume how common that is.

I also think it's a massive improvement over "gender identity disorder," which still hasn't completely made its way out of the books...

[Hungreywolf (imported)]

I saw my therapist for the first time today. I am positive on how it went and will be seeing him on a weekly basis. He works with a lot of LGBTQ clients and has a sibling who transitioned from male to female. I have also started shaving regularly to get rid of my body hair and have when praticing tucking to hide my bulge.

[Jan_Linde (imported)]

Hi, I'm MtE and have felt that way since puberty. I don't dislike having male genitalia per se and have no desire to transition to female but I strongly prefer not to have any testicles or a penis. I have succeeded in getting myself castrated and am very happy to be a eunuch. Now I would very much like to be rid of the rest of my male parts, I would like my body to be completely smooth but well defined, chiseled, depilated and nothing between my legs. That said I'm not asexual, for the right guy, if fit, smooth and considerate my body is open.