Shamelessly stolen jokes

[ambiguous (imported)]

Q What do you call an Irish virgin ?

A Feckless

[Dave (imported)]

A new military movement has begun. The Joint Chiefs announced that the first MRE eaten in the Afghanistan war has finally passed in a glorious bowel movement. A new military movement begins tomorrow.

[Dave (imported)]

Stupid Restaurant Events in the digital age:

"While working as a waitress at Shoneys, I slipped and fell on my butt while holding with a full plate of food. Instead of helping me up, this guy asked if I could do it again so he could record it…"

[ambiguous (imported)]

Guy goes into an Eskimo restaurant and asks about the days dishes.

Well sir we have 3 chiefs specials today.

What is the first choice ?

Its whale meat.

Okay what's the second choice ?

Its Whale meat.

And the third choice ?

Its the Vera Lynn

What's in the Vera Lynn ?

Whale meat again.

[ambiguous (imported)]

I met up with a mate of mine,

He does Fly Fishing

The other day he caught a 2 1/2 Lb bluebottle.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Sweet Jesus. Please take me now.

[Dave (imported)]

➜ What's the similarity between lighting and a violist's fingers? - - They never strike the same place twice.

➜ What's the difference between a viola and an onion? - - No one cries when you cut up a viola.

➜ How many violists does it take to screw in a light bulb? - - None. They're not small enough to fit.

➜ What is the longest viola joke? - - Harold in Italy

[Dave (imported)]

#1: Have you heard of Murphy's Law?

#2: Yeah,

#1: What is it?

#2: "Anything that can go wrong will."

#1: Right. Have you heard about Cole's Law?

#2: No, What is it?

#1: Thinly sliced cabbage

[Dave (imported)]

I am Dyslexic of BORG

Fusistance is Retile

Your Ass will

be Laminated

[Dave (imported)]

a series of seven thoughts titled "Things you say minutes before you die from a sever beating"

Menstruation is called “a period” because back in the day when women’s bodies weren’t as polluted, all it was, was a tiny dot.

It was so hot in the office, one of the secretaries thought she was mental pausing

Happy Labor Day - - be thankful to all the mother’s who went into Labor for their kids. That’s what this holiday is all about!

Does it take 18 months for twins to be born or just 9?

Halloween falls on Friday the 13th this year. It’s the first time in 666 years.

If I can’t have an enter lectural discussion with a girl then she clearly isn’t the one for me.

A person who loves u will never kick u when your down and pour salad in yur wounds