Orchiectomy in the North East USA

[Tibergrace (imported)]

Lightening, I definitely appreciate it and wish there were more doctors willing or able to render the services Arnkoff does, around the world.

If one is MtF transgender, like I am, most European countries actually have free paths to castration and/or SRS (some surgeons will work with those who have had orchiectomies, some will not). Perhaps with time the tolerance of European countries will increase and people who desire to become eunuchs will get to have it done for free, too.

I personally would already have had Arnkoff or someone else perform an orchiectomy on me long ago, if I wasn't subjected to what I have been subjected to these past three years.

I was kept as someone's slave. Ever been a slave? It's pretty hard to do much, like that. I have been raped over 1000 times. I never counted, that is an estimate and the real number is likely much higher. Multiple times daily. I was beaten pretty much daily, I had to take a lot of hits. I can only even type this thanks to bupropion, diazepam, my bi-weekly therapy sessions, and my insane level of luck and determination not to die. Most people would have killed themselves in such a situation. The only reason I did not is my faith in God preventing me from ending myself out of fear of going into something worse. As a side note, I do think religion is actually part of our survival instinct, not that that lessens my faith. It did help me not kill myself.

I know starvation extremely well, which is why I think it's a bad idea to starve oneself to save money. I was underweight when I got myself out of the situation, which was quite a story of its own. I thank my brain for going absolutely haywire for that. I snapped. Psychosis due to trauma and sleep deprivation can really get things done. The next couple weeks after felt like an eternity, because I was so full of adrenaline and became even more sleep deprived as a result. I had also become accustomed to being awoken many times in the night and usually not getting nearly enough sleep. During that time, going back into the room where I was kept was traumatic; it still is and the room has been completely cleared out. During those two weeks though, being in there filled me with terror and I felt like I was being watched, like I was about to be attacked, despite knowing logically that there was no threat present.

My palms and feet were constantly sweaty, I could ignore pain and cold. During the abuse I had ribs broken several times, and didn't notice till the ribs began moving out of place. Now that I am at normal levels of adrenaline, I feel all the pain. As I type this I have pain in multiple places of my ribcage, as well as other places that took heavy blows. I can't even bend over to pick objects up off the floor without pain in my ribs. Both of my knees are pretty messed up, I am going to have a lot of problems with them when I am old, for sure.

I had to be put in the hospital and forced to sleep, after that I began to improve. I did have to be forced into four point restraints first, but I was discharged the next day after sleeping about 12 hours.

Only through pure luck did I avoid being stabbed or shot. I've had loaded guns pointed at me, sometimes one in the chamber, sometimes not. Russian roulette with a semi-automatic handgun, considering nearly every time I would force the handgun not to point at me, often twisting it from their hands and dissembling it. It was my handgun originally. Sometimes I would rack the slide back and a round would eject, sometimes not. Thanks to their breaking of me I didn't actually want to hurt or kill them despite what they had done to me. I could have gotten out sooner than I did, but the damage was done already. One tends to go numb or be "checked out" as a survival mechanism in such situations, which can allow the situations to continue. At least the idiot incriminated themselves in court.

I can't use a knife or look at one in someone's hands without being triggered, the same applies to screwdrivers and various other objects. If I had the money now I would still need therapy to get surgery because a little knife is involved.

Arnkoff could have had his clinic a mile from me, and there would have been nothing I could do to see him. I was so isolated from the world I didn't even know CGI got so good they could replace an actors face with another and make it look realistic.

The plan for now is to heal mentally and physically until I can work again, then it will be a very short time to save up enough to have someone remove my testicles. Arnkoff, Californian doctor, doesn't matter. It will get done but being relatively normal again is more important. I don't want to go through life with PTSD, balls can be removed later.

If anyone doubts my story, I do have proof I can show.

I am pretty open about what happened, in hopes it will encourage others to come forward to professionals and get help they need. Also maybe I will help someone end an abusive situation by being open about the one I was in.

Now you know why I seek validation from nobody.

[Losethem (imported)]

Let's be realistic here, Losethem. He's been in operation for years, no pun intended. I think he would be taken down by now. In legal matters, signing some documentation can really screw one over in regards to suing someone. As a nurse, rather than someone with experience in legal matters, one might not understand that the guy can afford a lawyer and likely has talked to one at length to cover his own ass. I seriously doubt he is risking much. There is also insurance for such things.

I was going to write a long message taking on your message point-by-point, but there is really no purpose in it. I stand by my original statement - a patient like you is trouble. And politely, I'm not saying that to be mean. Knowing what you've said here, I'd simply not start providing care, especially in the context of your self-medicating. I would have to assume you'd be non-compliant with the plan of care, and why would I risk my neck coming up with one, documenting it, and having you subvert it and potentially sue me when you encounter complications because of your non-compliance and self-medicating?

I'd not take the risk, even if I felt you could benefit from my professional expertise.

A patient can refuse care, but a doctor or nurse can refuse to treat before starting to. Ethically, I'd refer you elsewhere, but I would refuse to establish a professional relationship with your case beyond that.

[Tibergrace (imported)]

I love this stuff. Against self medication, won't help a self medicating person get off the medication and on a script. You're not the problem, but people with that mindset are.

This is why so many trans people, particularly under 30, self medicate for quite a long time. Unlike me, most don't know how to get blood tests easily. $99 for a full transgender panel, and you get all the results yourself.

Your whole refusing-me-service thing depends on even knowing my intentions in the first place. Do you think I tell this to doctors? I inform them of what medicines I take, I inform them on the fact I self medicate, but unless I want hormones from them, that is as far as it goes. I know many clinics down south don't make one quit self medicating before they replace it. Any will advise against it, but none will convince me to quit before they give me a replacement. If they won't give me a replacement, and want to get a "baseline" that doesn't exist and would harm my looks and increase my dysphoria, then that is where the doctor-patient relationship ends.

Your issue is you don't understand transgender issues, which is fine. Most people view it as a fashion statement or something. They view "dressing the part" as more important than physically looking the part. Meanwhile,for young MtFs, looking the part is the most important thing, and generally speaking, the younger one is, the more hormones change things, thus higher chance of us actually looking female.

The vast majority of MtF transgender people my age and younger self medicate or used to self medicate. This is because older transitioners set a precedent of it being mostly about clothing, due to not being able to transition while young (due largely to social climate and no internet). For them, it really makes no difference to dress in women's clothes, be treated like garbage, and then perhaps get surgeries or luck out and wind up passing. For the young ones, even a single year's delay can make a massive difference in passing.

If I started taking hormones just a bit sooner, my voice wouldn't have dropped as much as it did. Social climate in the late '00s wasn't the best, so I got delayed by fear a little while. Still beat the bandwagon. I can't wait till the huge number of <18-25 year old transgender people hit their 30s and 40s. Then maybe things will change. I am a dinosaur in the young transgender scene, which tends to avoid the spaces of the older transgender scene. Setting clothes before body is ass backwards in my opinion, most MtFs my age or younger would completely agree. We tend to make ourselves look the part, THEN dress the part, because we don't want to be ridiculed. We want to actually blend in and actually look like women, rather than endure needless torment to "prove" to some idiot cis f*** that we are trans, while allowing testosterone to destroy our bodies.

I for one felt dysphoric in female clothes until my body passed a certain point. Women's clothes highlight masculinity and increase dysphoria for many of us, until our bodies match the clothes.

Kind of misogynistic IMO, aren't women supposed to be allowed to wear whatever rather than squashing themselves into a stereotype? If I were naked and covering my genitals I'd fool most unless I spoke (gotta relearn female voice, was forced not to use it for years). I fool many while wearing the clothes I have, and right now all I have is male clothing, lol. Why the f*** are my clothes such a huge deal?

Doctors take a few trainings, likely lead by late transitioners or cis people, and think theyre experts. The problem: early transitioners are still generally too young to be in any places of importance.

My current doctor has other patients who take cyproterone and she's aware of my self medding. We are working on hooking me up with someone to prescribe and monitor. I have leads on multiple doctors for me to try, one has a trans kid so maybe I'm in luck. We will see in the coming weeks.

Rest easy, the chances of me winding up in your care are impossibly small anyway.

[Zebedeee (imported)]

Well Hyperion92, you’ve certainly started a debate..!

I personally don’t think that there’s any harm in looking for a local surgeon who’s willing to perform the surgery you desire. Just be prepared to be turned down and have to look further afield. I think it’s great that Dr Ankoff’s services are available if you can’t find any other options which better suit your personal circumstances.

Is this not a similar situation that the first patients to have sex reassignment surgery found themselves in? In 1960 April Ashley (who I guess can be considered to be a transsexual pioneer) saved £3000 (a LOT of money back then!) and travelled to Casablanca, Morocco for MtF srs. Information from Wikipedia.

Decades later sex reassignment surgery is fairly mainstream and is available in many countries either through national health systems, or health insurance. More recently people have been able to start transition whilst still very young. Sometimes even having their puberty delayed, resulting in outcomes many of us can only dream of. ‘Passing’ simply no longer being an issue.

Whilst things are changing very quickly, castration without transition still seems to be something which doctors consider to be an unusual request, and in their opinion probably not in the patients best interests. I guess the only thing which will change their view is seeing or hearing about successful outcomes of those who have found someone who is willing to perform the operation, often a long way from home.

Personally if my journey takes me to the point where I desire surgery I would much rather have it done in my own country and close to home, where I have the support of friends and family and don’t have to worry about what could go wrong in another country, where no doubt my travel insurance wouldn’t cover me if I ended up in the emergency room due to a botched operation. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not prepared to get on a plane if that’s what it takes.

On Tuesday I saw my therapist, my third visit, and told her about my desire to try chemical castration. On my previous two visits I rather felt that the only options she was willing to consider were MtF transition or accepting things as they are. I went prepared with a letter outlining the reasons why I thought chemical castration might be right for me, details of where I can get the medication I require, and screenshots of a couple of posts from this forum showing that this option works for some people. To my surprise her response was positive and I’m been referred to a doctor at the gender identity clinic who can prescribe the medication for me. I may have to wait a few months as there is a waiting list…

I didn’t use the word ‘eunuch’, rather I described it as potentially the start of a ‘non-binary’ transition.

Now, it strikes me that if the NHS is prepared to chemically castrate me essentially on request (I may of course have to jump through a few hoops yet!), then it’s not such a big step to ask for surgical castration. At the very least if chemical castration works out for me then I ought to have no problems getting the necessary letters to take to a surgeon abroad, which gives me a lot more options. But I would without doubt try and get operation done in this country first.

Perhaps given that it is now not very difficult to self medicate, or find a surgeon somewhere in the world who is willing to do what you want for the right price, some of the medical profession is beginning to realise that they might as well help rather than hinder us, and that it’s probably easier than having to pick up the pieces afterwards when things go wrong.

I’m taking the view that the best strategy (for me at least) is to politely ask the professionals for their assistance first, but if I get no help then go ahead and do it anyway, whist keeping them up to date with my progress in case things don’t work out as I expect. It will be interesting to see how far this gets me.

If I were to persuade a British doctor to castrate me (If my journey takes me that far - it’s very early days yet), it may open the door for others to follow. On the other hand it may already be quietly happening…

[Losethem (imported)]

I love this stuff. Against self medication, won't help a self medicating person get off the medication and on a script. You're not the problem, but people with that mindset are.

I find it unbelievable you can't see what the issue is. YOU ARE SELF MEDICATING. You have stated in the absence of getting exactly what you want out of a doctor, that you would continue to do so. Any doctor that is worth his education and practice would be well advised to stay away from you in the absence of your signing documents holding them harmless should you continue to not follow their plan of care.

If you continue down your path, you're going to find it very difficult to achieve your goal. The medical community wishes to assist, but they won't assist if you sabotage your care plan with your armchair quarterback self-diagnosis and self-medication.

So while I hope you reach your goal, you're going to find it very difficult until your point of view on the subject changes. if you can't see there is a reason others reach their goals while you continue to be frustrated, then it's time for you to take a very long look in the mirror. The problem will be staring back at you from it.

[Tibergrace (imported)]

Yeah, self medication is necessary if one is young and wants to take immediate action against the menace that is Testosterone.

If nobody helps me, I can just keep self medding. If self medding becomes illegal, the darknet exists and will sell estrogen and cypro (if I even have balls when or if that happens).

The self diagnosis bit is laughable. Do you really think someone would take HRT for so many years, and want to be a girl their entire life, without being transgender? Turns out my self diagnosis was spot on btw, according to my therapist.

How am I sabotaging my care plan by being willing to take the meds they are willing to offer? That sounds more like "helping someone quit self medication" than "this person will sabotage everything and make me lose my job"

I may not have been clear enough, so I will say it again:

Literally no doctor on this planet would hear about my plan to continue self medication should they deny me meds. They deny meds, I quit seeing them, and they are none the wiser. They also wouldn't hear about my plan to check my hormone levels from their meds against accepted ranges for transgender people in medical literature. They don't even know that all I have to do is go see Arnkoff or get a letter from my therapist (easy) and I will have no more balls. That's the end of my physical transition, after which getting estrogen prescribed will be a joke. My desire to remove my penis is from sexual abuse. I don't want SRS due to the difficulty and expense of the procedure, the lifelong maintenance, the huge gamble on good results. Ive seen enough results to know that most likely I would wind up with something that I couldnt see as a real vagina, and that many would see as, at best, a mutilated one. I did originally want it, until I looked very deep into it over the course of years. Maybe stem cell lab grown sex organs will be a thing in my lifetime. That I would go for.

If you knew more about young MtFs, you would know many of us reach our true goals without ever seeing a doctor about it. I can reach my goals without worrying about gatekeeping. I already have reached my most important goal: saving my body from destruction. If you were one of us, you would understand, that when it comes to our bodies, we (young MtFs) don't f*** around and let cis people delay us (which they are extremely prone to do).

Of all people the eunuch community should understand the need for body sovereignty. Anyone should be able to ask for estrogen and castration and receive it. If they wind up not wanting it later, too bad. That's how things should be. Professionals are on a hunt for cis people who accidentally fell into trans things... a very preposterous thing which harms more than it helps.

Look man, you just don't see things from my perspective, and that's fine, I wouldn't expect you to. You can reply with counterargument if you like but I see no point really. You see things one way, I see them another, hopefully you at least understand I'd drop a doctor without them risking a single thing. If not, I don't really care to try convincing you. I know from first hand experience, that even having a gun held to one's head can't convince a person of something. Words can't do it either. If one is rooted in their beliefs firmly enough, nothing will uproot them. No point in further discussion on the matter, no hard feelings, just do you and I'll do me.

Many doctors have tried to convince me to stop, in person. All have failed, and it never matters if I succeed with one. It would be nice to get their assistance, but I don't need it ultimately. A nurse on a forum is not going to sway my thoughts on this stuff, when a doctor can't even do it in person, no offense meant.

[Zebedeee (imported)]

It seems to me that most of the serious members of this forum are either self medicating (or have been), or are having / had to find doctors away from the medical mainstream who are willing to assist them in achieving their goals.

If everyone had taken ‘no’ for an answer I don’t think that there would be very many ‘fully qualified members’ here!

Anyway, please feel to correct me if I’m wrong. I’m not going to get into an argument, I have nothing but love and best wishes for everyone…

Now, where can I find a doctor willing to replace my legs with a very large spring?!!

[lightening (imported)]

I for one have self medicated trialing chemical castration before being castrated , it was the only option available to me as a male not wanting to change gender, I did not want on my medical record any mention of it, for possible future employment, insurance, medical reasons i might face etc. Especially as at that stage I wasn't one hundred per cent sure it was what I wanted,

Not all things remain private with hackers and leaks of information and now the possible sale of medical information to insurance providers here in the UK. Also I would not have been given it and would probably been referred as having some mental problem, would I want that on my notes for life, no thank you.

Since being castrated I am also more or less self medicating, I have been given a prescription for testosterone and more or less told to get on with it, in fact I was told by my GP to be pro-active in my treatment he more or less has washed his hands of it . I am only one of 3000 patients in his practise here in London so he does not have the time or expertise to follow up every thing. I think i know more about it than him anyway but then that is not surprising why would he.

[Tibergrace (imported)]

I just got back from my doctor.

She's fine with me self medding cypro until I get an orchi. She put it in her records she advises against it. Orchi will have to be out of pocket. $6000 locally (yikes) so it's Arnkoff for sure. Just gotta save up or find other ways to pay. Being trans is officially in my medical record now.

So Losethem, it turns out some doctors are totally accepting and willing to work with me knowing everything. Pretty good news I think. None of this existed when I began self medding years ago.

I need to go to a clinic and get my bloodwork done, which she ordered and which I'll do tomorrow. Then she will prescribe me estrogen assuming my organs are functional, lol. Judging from the extensive bloodwork and urine testing done when I went to the ER, they probably still are.

Yippy Skippy I'm a happy camper.

[Zebedeee (imported)]

I just got back from my doctor.

She's fine with me self medding cypro until I get an orchi. She put it in her records she advises against it. Orchi will have to be out of pocket. $6000 locally (yikes) so it's Arnkoff for sure. Just gotta save up or find other ways to pay. Being trans is officially in my medical record now.

So Losethem, it turns out some doctors are totally accepting and willing to work with me knowing everything. Pretty good news I think. None of this existed when I began self medding years ago.

I need to go to a clinic and get my bloodwork done, which she ordered and which I'll do tomorrow. Then she will prescribe me estrogen assuming my organs are functional, lol. Judging from the extensive bloodwork and urine testing done when I went to the ER, they probably still are.

Yippy Skippy I'm a happy camper.

That's fantastic news, I'm very happy for you.

x