Men's Rules for Women

[Studlover (imported)]

Women...pay attention

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now

here are the rules from the male side. Please note:

these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.

If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it

down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving

it down.

# 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live

with it.

# 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the

changing of the tides. Let it be.

# 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never

going to think of it that way.

# 1. Crying is blackmail.

# 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this

one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not

work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll

get it for you, but just

LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!

# 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and

anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently

beforehand.

# 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes

you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out

of thirty, would look good with your dress?

# 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to

almost every question. Please pick one.

# 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help

solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your

girlfriends are for.

# 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a

problem. See a doctor.

# 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car

engine as soon as you hear it.

# 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible

in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and

void after seven days.

# 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret

girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

# 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't

ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you.

# 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,

and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant

the other one.

# 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have

to say during commercials.

# 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and

neither do we.

# 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was

the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

And quit whining to your girlfriends.

# 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows

default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not

a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what

Mauve is.

# 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

# 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our

lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how

little we care about you.

#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we

will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,

but it is just not worth the hassle.

# 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer

to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

# 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything

you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!!

# 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to

take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which

quiz.

# 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for

you.

# 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to

sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really

don't mind that, it's like camping.