Castration russian roulette CA SF

[Bret_xxx_okeith (imported)]

To make a long story short i have had a sexual impulse to be castrated since puberty and have been struggling with it and have become kind of reckless. I am hyper sexual and try to control the impulse which as some might understand is a struggle. My main turn on is dangerous sex, being tied down by a cutter "that has always been a flake" for heavy cbt and castration play with actual castration not off limits. I have become ok with the fact if it happens it happens im willing to risk it and get the orgasm than not explore my impulses and preserve my nuts my only fear is what else can happen. Do any of you have this problem? I know its stupid and i can get my self killed but when my dick is hard im kind of an idiot. Part of me hopes it happens so i no longer have my impulses. Can anyone relate to this?

[modernist (imported)]

when my dick is hard im kind of an idiot

'nuff said

[paring (imported)]

You are quite normal, we all feel the same. Except, we all have a fantasy that most men do not have. When it strikes us (like other fantasies), it is forever. So it is not surprising that many of us feel compelled to do so to remedy it. When I started having this fantasy, it bothered me a lot, especially after shooting at my load, I was a shamed. I couldn't get understand why I had such a strange fantasy. I thought that castration was the last thing a man wanted to live, and even less on a voluntary basis. I made 2 self-castration attempts in 1979-80. At the time, I did not know that others had the same fantasy. Later, I did 8 years of anti-androgen to curb my libido but that did not stop this fantasy. Fourteen years ago, I quitted anti-androgen because of the side effects. A few years ago, I asked the other castrated EA members, if their castration fantasy remained after castration. Their answers were YES. So, no wonder that most castrated men have no regrets, even more, they encourage others to live their own castration fantasy. At 63, this fantasy remains stronger than ever, but it does not bother me any more, I find this very fun.

[stephaniesteve1 (imported)]

I also went through years of cem cast trials and periods where I did much to my balls to damaged them. I went through the Calcium chloride route followed by surgical castration. Do I still have a castration fantasy..hell yes. I would love to have balls again so could be castrated again...Dont get me wrong I am very happy as a eunuch and dont want to live with balls again. Its just that it was a tremendous rush when they were removed.

Stepheniest

[SplitDik (imported)]

when my dick is hard im kind of an idiot.

This is really the key and something I struggled with all my life. I have it mostly under control, but even recently had a couple weird episodes. If you're like me you'll find that your thinking / obsession will be drastically different pre- and post-orgasm. Like before orgasm while horny you might think it is perfectly exciting to hang yourself by the balls, but after cumming you're like "why did I think that was a good idea"? It's gotten me into all sorts of trouble, from using hookers, hurting myself in various crazy ways, and ultimately risking my life for cheap sexual thrills.

The main way I've helped rein this in is to get more comfortable masturbating as soon as obsessive thoughts start to arise. Basically, learn to have preventive orgasms. I tell myself that if it is such a good idea to do whatever crazy, risky thing I'm obsessing about then let me see if I'm still into it after I cum. And invariably I'm not into it.

Hope that helps because I know the path you're on and it is extremely dangerous.

The only thing I'm thankful for is that my fetish has never been about hurting other people or about suicide because I imagine that rapists, pedophiles etc. have a similar pattern of obsessive excitement followed by "what the fuck was I thinking". Harming oneself is at least a morally better thing than harming others, and genital self-harm is better than outright suicidal tendencies.

[Bret_xxx_okeith (imported)]

Im not sure how serious i was and Luckly have only ran into flakes but i have met a few cutters and have agreed to be castrated a few times but every time when the date came near they flaked, i dont know if when the day came if one of them would not have flaked if i would have or not i guess it would have depended on how horny i was on that day. To me its important that its recorded and that its done my way. I want to meet a cutter thats ok with making a video. No faces shown just below wast