Saw my therapist today.

[tugon (imported)]

I am still looking for that article. In the mean time I am finding some very good information that is a help to me and I hope helpful to you. Do not worry about the old information that boys who were abused are likely to abuse anymore than the thought that girls who have been abused are more likely to seek out abusive relationships. We know better today. I used to think that way and I never really bonded with my niece or nephews. One day I looked within myself and realized I had no attraction to children or any desire to abuse. If you have no erotic interest in children and fantasies involving them you will not abuse. Knowing ourselves in an honest and truthful way is often the best way to fully understand what we are capable of doing. More than anything I would say you need to heal from your experiences.

https://myost.com/shedding-light-on-the ... ey-become/

THE IMPACT OF SEXUAL ABUSE: SHORT AND LONG TERM

After a boy has been sexually abused, generally there is a change in his personality. Behavioral changes can range from unusual acting out to being very aggressive and violent. The world has become a more threatening place and he is more vulnerable. He is trying to defend himself.

There are likely to be emotional changes as well. An open, out-going boy may suddenly become quiet, passive, and invisible. It may be obvious that he no longer feels good about himself. He has a self-perception of being damaged or broken. His sense of personal power has been taken away.

Often there are physical signs of sexual abuse as well. There may be physical damage from any forced penetration, such as anal tears, resulting in constipation or encopresis. Sleep disturbances such as nightmares, regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting or loss of bowel control, and anxiety or the sudden appearance of phobias may also occur. Any sudden and dramatic change in behavior or mood in a child should be investigated and understood.

There are both short- and long-term effects on boys who have been abused. In the short term, you may see inappropriate sexual behavior, sexually assaulting other children, hypersexuality, and gender confusion. Longer-term effects can include depression, physical ailments, negative effects on self-esteem or their sense of self, or a negative impact on interpersonal relationships. An inability to trust or feel safe with others, especially when intimacy is involved, is often the result of having been sexually abused. A boy’s sexuality is going to be impacted. Most victims get stuck at their sexual emotional age at the time of the initial assault. The assault and subsequent feelings are what represent sex to them.

In my experience with working with bisexual and gay men that are heterosexually married, I have found that many of them were sexually abused as children, usually by a male. They rationalize that the reason that they are sexually attracted to men is because they were assaulted as a child, and they conclude that if that had not happened, they would not be attracted to men.

There is no evidence that this is true. It is mental gymnastics to avoid dealing with the attraction to men. This is a very difficult outlook for many men to escape, but it is important to confront their feelings so they may come to terms with the abuse, the abuser, and their own sexuality.

The last major long-term effect is a tendency toward addictive behaviors. It is common for men in treatment programs or in a 12-step program of some kind to have to deal with the issues of sexual abuse as they are trying to deal with the addiction. The substance or behavior has been a method of self medication for the man to avoid the feeling that he is still carrying around inside.

In my experience, many men that have been labeled as sexual addicts are, in reality, experiencing a repetition compulsion. The circumstances of the initial abuse so stimulated them that their young bodies and minds were unable to process or contain the overwhelming sensations. Consequently, they froze inside, and they associate sex and sexual feelings with these overwhelming sensations; often they feel a power imbalance is part of sex, so they attempt to recreate the situation in an effort to complete the gestalt—they are trying to complete this unfinished experience. The child parts of the men are trying to find a way out of the loop they are in, and to the outside world this often looks like sexual addiction. The acting out behavior could start as a repetition compulsion and turn into an addiction as well.

When a boy has been sexually assaulted, his life changes forever. There can be small to extreme changes in behaviors, moods, and attitudes about people, himself and the world. These feelings do not go away and the impact is not minor, regardless of how the boy appears to be taking it. Children do what they need to do to survive. They may feel that their survival depends upon hiding the experience at all costs. Treatment is the only solution to really recovering. Left untreated, the wounds follow the man into adulthood and impact his relationships with everyone. Admitting the pain is terrible, but the victim stands to gain a life without the pain of the abuse. Men can and do heal from childhood sexual abuse.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

Thank you Tugon.. I really appreciate your help. I havent really felt helped in all of this..

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

I missed last weeks session. I just don't think there is anything my therapist can tell me that would get me to feel as if masturbation is ok. I'm just so convicted about this. I know he is gonna keep trying but I dont think it will do any good.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

We Didnt talk about anything to do with sex or my wanting to be a eunuch this week. We spoke about unrelated stuff. Sorry maybe next week.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

So we spoke about sex today. I told him how I was once able to watch porn and not Masturbate.. I would

masturbate once every 2 to 3 months.

I felt so under control. He then said "Control?" As a Buddhist should you try to control something? I said well yes.. There are the 10 unskillfull actions.. we need to control ourselves so we do not do them. He said I disagree.. I think you need to free yourself from thoughts of control but also thoughts of no control. What he said I should do is when sexual thoughts arise just let them pass like passing clouds. YEAH! Easier said than done. He said trying to control something is briinging friction into your life try just letting go. Again easier said than done.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

Well.. The Vitex and Saw Palmetto has gotten me cut down to 3 weeks between masturbations verses a once a week without. I'm not happy about this.. I need more. Does anyone have any suggestions for other OTC stuff I can possibly take?

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

I found out last week that I'm Asexual. Never knew it.. had been for 12 years. I've been watching youtube videos and reading articles about it and I totaly identify about it. I saw my therapist today (I see him every monday) and I told him that I discovered Asexuality and how it totaly fits in with what I am. I had been telling him for months about how I dont like sex and how I'm only aesthetically attracted to woman. I feel alienated from my friends with how they are always talking about sex. He seemed to try to make me feel that sex is ok.. He told me how sex with his wife is spiritual to him and that he personally believed that God was actually sexual in nature otherwise we in the flesh wouldnt be sexual. I think he just cant accept that I'm different. I have found my identity and very content with it.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

Well, I had another session today about sex.. I told my therapist about how I met a woman online who is asexual just like me. And he started asking questions about my sexuality. Why do I not like sex? It is hard to pin point the precise reason. I mean there are past lives of mine that were sexual and ended up really bad. And there is the life I'm living now. I would say my Asexuality started when I was in college. I had a girlfriend who was sex addicted and drug addicted. She gave me sex every night for about 5 months. I didn't really enjoy it.. It felt like a chore. I was totally not into it at all.. around this time I developed the belief that if I lust after a woman without their consent I'm committing Mental Rape.. After this girl, I had another girl who was just as sex addicted and when we broke up I came to the realization that I just do not want sex at all. It's a disease risky behavior, I worry if I'm pleasing my partner enough, there is the smell.. Are we having sex too much or not enough? It just seems to be too many headaches in my view. I have come in the last few years even despising masturbation as well. It also began to feel like a chore, unappealing, unsatisfying. So I don't even masturbate even more. I'm a Buddhist and in Buddhism, we have the 3 mental poisons. Desire, Aversion, and Ignorance.. Aversion is really just another desire.. A desire to not have whatever it is.. My therapist pointed this out to me. He said that I'm Averting my sexual self to an extreme by trying to limit my sexual desire. I'm trying so hard to stop my Sexual Desire that I am now in the Averting Spectrum. I honestly do not know how to take that but I'm gonna think about it for a while. I'm also writing a book on how to deal with schizophrenia and it talks about how to identify illusions. My therapist thinks I'm being hypocritical with my views on sex. He thinks I'm somehow betraying myself and my outlook in my book. That I am somehow making sexual desire into something when all it is is an illusion. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one.