Help

[jameskeen05 (imported)]

I appreciate the help and support I am getting here. I see a psychiatrist and have for 2 years now. We speak about my plans of nullification. His first response was "Why?" He said he wanted to study the core of it and see if I had a gender disorder. Soo 6 months later He came to the conclusion that I didnt have a gender ssue, that I simply just wanted my genitals removed. He even told me in a joking manner, "You are as normal as they come." He even went as far as to say he would write me up a letter to take to a surgeon when I go in for nullification. He did soo only after we spoke about it for months on end. We still speak about it. He suggested I tell my parents. Now my parents have supported my past decisions. When I got my tongue split, they supported me, when I get pierced, tattooed they supported me. But nullification.....I wasnt soo sure on. Let me give you a little more background on me.....I cant have kids because I am sterile. Something is wrong with my sperm. I learned that when I was 14. It was emotional to get over it and I still deal with it today. I also take anti-depressants. Anyway, back on my parents, I love my father and mother. I decided to tell my mother first. It was 11:30pm at night. My dad was asleep and me and my mom were discussing how I couldnt have kids. I then said "Mother......I been thinking of doing something....I been thinking of going nullo." She asked "What is nullo?" I told her it was removal of the genitals!

She was shocked and it bothered her deeply. She didnt want to talk about it. She kept asking me why. I told her I have my reasons and I told her ever since I was a young boy I would think of being smooth down there with no genitals. On the 5thj day she came around and we spoke about it for 3 hours. She said "You're 19....I cant stop you from doing it.....if you get it done, Ill still love you James. You are my son. My only son." We both were in tears. Now it was time to tell my dad, I waited a week or soo later.....then I told him. He was angry "James You're a man, why would a man do that?" He went on to say " I question your sanity son, Why in the hell would you even consider that?" After much talk he said if I ever got it done dont tell him, what he doesnt know cant hurt him he said. It was very emotional. I have my mothers support and my sister wasnt shocked, because she saw me get my tongue split. Soo she supported me. I told some of my friends and they called me crazy and they think Im joking. But if I get it done, Ill just let it rest and not mention it.

I spoke to Tom a few times on IAM. His nullification was done in 88. He has helped me out a great deal. As we speak Im currently saving up my money for my trip to thailand for the procedure. It could take up to a year and a half before I get all the money I need. I been thinking of becoming nullo for sometime. I even Shave my pubic hair off to see the smooth surface above the penis and pretend I am a smoothie.

[JesusA (imported)]

I was hoping that you would prove as rational and clear-thinking as you originally seemed. It sounds as if you are taking all of the proper steps. You have a solid professional to help with the depression that is likely to come as part of any major surgery and as a part of the hormonal changes that your body will be going through. You have the support of your mother and your sister. A couple of friends would be good, if possible.

Make certain that you are ready for the health needs that you will have.

Keep exploring all possible questions to make certain that everything is answered in advance, and good luck with all of it.

[jameskeen05 (imported)]

Thank you Jesus, I really appreciate your input and help. I still have much to learn.

[A-1 (imported)]

I even Shave my pubic hair off to see the smooth surface above the penis and pretend I am a smoothie.

Well, the shaving is not so unusual. It sure makes oral sex a lot better. Maybe you should go out and get a little.

You know, like a last request for the condemned.

Ya know, boy, once they cut that thing off, it will never grow back.

A-1

[jameskeen05 (imported)]

I know it will not grow back. I thought about it hard and long. I been wanting this since I was a young teen. Im taking my time thou, I spoke to my doctor and he is willing to give me a prescription to testosterone patches call adroderm I believe. Im thinking about and for the record Im giving myself more time to think about it.

[Kelly_2 (imported)]

Greetings, James. You have come to the group, and have made some very sane and intelligent posts regarding penectomy.

I appreciate the help and support I am getting here. I see a psychiatrist and have for 2 years now. We speak about my plans of nullification. His first response was "Why?" He said he wanted to study the core of it and see if I had a gender disorder. Soo 6 months later He came to the conclusion that I didnt have a gender ssue, that I simply just wanted my genitals removed. He even told me in a joking manner, "You are as normal as they come." He even went as far as to say he would write me up a letter to take to a surgeon when I go in for nullification. He did so only after we spoke about it for months on end.

Contrary to some people's (who are not EA members) thoughts, a desire for penectomy is not insane.

From my perspective, it actually seems quite normal. True, one might say that my penectomy was merely part of sex reassignment surgery. Yet it is not so mere.

First, in part due to my gender identity disorder (transsexuals are labeled as having a mental disorder, but I may not agree with that. Still according to shrinks, you are normal and I am not; I hope that you will listen to me anyway ), I hated my boy bits. I had tried for several decades to snip it all off myself, but am too weak when it comes to pain--as soon as I started, the pain was too intense and I could not continue.

In short, I wanted "it" gone. And so it is. And frankly, I do not miss it at all, ever. It is very comfortable not having it. I am quite happy.

He suggested I tell my parents

. I decided to tell my mother first. It was 11:30pm at night. My dad was asleep and me and my mom were discussing how I couldnt have kids. I then said "Mother......I been thinking of doing something....I been thinking of going nullo." She asked "What is nullo?" I told her it was removal of the genitals!

She was shocked and it bothered her deeply. She didnt want to talk about it. She kept asking me why. I told her I have my reasons and I told her ever since I was a young boy I would think of being smooth down there with no genitals. On the 5thj day she came around and we spoke about it for 3 hours. She said "You're 19....I cant stop you from doing it.....if you get it done, Ill still love you James. You are my son. My only son." We both were in tears.

It is very good that you discussed this with your parents. The tears that came from this is understandable. I was 21 when I first expressly told my parents that I desired SRS. It is an emotional moment.

We note that you desired this since you were a small child. Yes, I understand that. I experienced a similar thing when I was quite young.

I spoke to Tom a few times on IAM. His nullification was done in 88. He has helped me out a great deal. As we speak I'm currently saving up my money for my trip to thailand for the procedure. It could take up to a year and a half before I get all the money I need. I been thinking of becoming nullo for sometime.

1988 is a long time to determine if this was a good thing or not. I assume (?) that Tom is OK about it and happy (?).

And I understand that you may opt for this procedure from SRSMiami rather than Thailand.

It is your decision, and I only add pertinent knowledge. I always take a non-stance when someone asks me about castration (which I had separately)--it is up to the individual. For SRS and nullification and castration by many surgeons, a letter or two from pshrinks is required for an OK, not the "advice" from a girl in the EA.

I will only add that as someone who had a weenie for 42 years and then had it removed as part of SRS in 2001, I have not had one second of regret.

Warm hugs,

Kelly

[jameskeen05 (imported)]

Thanks for the post Kelly. Im taking my time as you can tell. I decided to go to the surgeon in Florida, its more closer then thailand. But I dont see myself there just yet. Like I said, Im taking my time. Making sure I want it. Making sure I am mentally prepared as well making sure I wont regret it. Plus Im still learning, I want to keep learning.

[Andrew (imported)]

Thanks for the post Kelly. Im taking my time as you can tell. I decided to go to the surgeon in Florida, its more closer then thailand. But I dont see myself there just yet. Like I said, Im taking my time. Making sure I want it. Making sure I am mentally prepared as well making sure I wont regret it. Plus Im still learning, I want to keep learning.

I applaud your decision both to take your time AND learn as much as you can about what you propose. I myself have NO REGRETS over my decision to be castrated.

[AspenDude (imported)]

Here is what was sent to me:

Nullification (

‘Bilateral orchiectomy’

and removal of the scrotum and ‘penectomy’

)

under spinal block or general anaesthesia. $2.200 (90.000 Baht)

plus 2/3 days stay in hospital

The above with relocation of the pee-hole $2.800 (115.000 Baht)

We would require a letter from a psychiatrist who supports your request If you are unable to gain such a letter we could carry out our own assessment which entails a visit to a Psychiatrist on the mainland about 1/2 day.

I'm quite motivated to have a penectomy, and trying to connect with someone who would do the work. Wiling to travel to Thailand, if that's what it takes. I have never seen a psychologist, I guess I never really thought it was a psych issue. I suppose I could take my chances, as you had suggested. If you've found anything more than you've posted, please send a private e.mail to AspenDude@yahoo.com

[AspenDude (imported)]

JamesKeen,

Welcome to the Archive. It's clear that you've carefully considered your position and you've asked what are, of course, critical questions. You've received valuable help and advice from some of the active members, and your responses show that you're making good use of the information. I'd like to add some additional points for you to consider along the way.

What I'm asking you to consider will take a little time, but you're still very young and certainly have the time. I can assure you, as someone old enough to be your grandfather, that what looks like a long stretch of time extending into the future will seem like the blink of an eye once you've past it. Take the time to make certain that you've covered ALL of the bases before taking irrevokable action.

AND, keep asking questions here. There a number of very fine and helpful people on the Archive who will try to answer anything you bring to us.

Best wishes on coming to a carefully considered decision that is the right one for you.

JesusJesus:

I've been really impressed by the concern, consideration and support @ this community. As someone investigating penectomy myself, I have been reading this thread, and would like to reach out to anyone that has experience. I'm trying to make sure I make a good decision. My e.mail is AspenDude@yahoo.com if anyone has advice. I don't want full nullo, just penectomy. Is that really so weird?