happousai (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:05 pm
Now, what if you were magically sent back in time, to a little over a decade ago, when you were 9 years old, but know everything that you know now?
Seeing as no one's replied to this, I'm going to try to write down my thoughts on what I would do in that situation.
These days, when I look at myself (especially while nude), I don't like what I see. All this unsightly acne on my face. All those hairs on my face, under my armpits, on my legs, on my genitals... they're everywhere! It would probably take years of painful electrolysis to get rid of all this. All this unfulfilled sexual desire that I have (even after taking Evanesce, which has reduced my spontaneous erections and nocturnal emissions). And I think girls' voices sound nicer than guys' voices.
This can all be traced to one thing: Testosterone.
If I were to castrate myself now, it would help the above things somewhat, but it wouldn't help my voice at all, and it wouldn't reverse all this body hair growth either. But if I was 9 years old again...
I remember when I was young, I would put rubber bands around my penis and scrotum. I don't know exactly why I did this; perhaps I was just playing around, or perhaps I really wanted to castrate myself. But I always took them off within a few hours because it hurt too much.
Being 9 years old again and knowing what I know now, I would have a strong incentive to rid myself of my testicles. But how would I accomplish this? I get the feeling that if I asked a doctor to help me, he would just blow me off and tell me to deal with puberty like all the other guys do. Pretending to be a young M2F TG might get me farther, but then again, I'm not sure if I could make a convincing girl (I'm more of an androgynous person), and I might end up growing breasts due to estrogen treatments. Going to a cutter would seem out, too: (1) I wouldn't know how to find them without the Internet, (2) it would be hard to find a cutter willing to cut a 9-year old, and (3) a cutter could decide to rape and kill the 9-year old or something instead.
No, I would have to perform the castration by myself. Probably using a method that is quick (unlike banding), so that even if I am discovered, it would be too late for anyone to prevent the castration. The method of choice would probably be to cut my scrotum open, excise the testicles... and I would have to figure out how to do that without it hurting too much and how to stop the blood.
Then, I would have to hide my wounds (and after the wounds heal, my empty scrotum) from my parents, which would probably be impractical, as I had skin problems as a kid, and my mother would put skin medication on me after I showered and was nude. (Ahh, I remember once I shaved off all my pubic hair. She stared at my crotch with a weird look for a few seconds, but didn't say anything.)
So they'd probably find out. I suppose I would have a lot of explaining to do at this point, but since my testicles are gone, any attempt to put me on HRT would be an uphill battle. My parents just want the best for me, so that might make it easier to convince them.
After that, life would be interesting, given my uniqueness.