Article about an Asexual

[theemptyone (imported)]

I found this kind of interesting:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/mo ... m-asexual/

Why do people struggle to understand that I'm asexual?

By Robin Dibben

26 NOVEMBER 2015 • 6:08PM

The closest I have ever come to having sex was when a friend invited me to his house for, as he put it, “a good time”.

I was 22 years old, and had never kissed anyone before in my life, except my mother. I weighed up how to explain to him that the idea of having sex with anyone, male or female, repels me – as I am asexual.

It’s not that I can’t – everything down there works perfectly fine – I just have no desire to do it, and never have. Flirting, kissing and pornography hold no fascination for me at all.

I grew up in a small town in rural Dorset. Everyone else at school was obsessed with going to house parties, getting into relationships and, of course, getting laid. But not me.

However, as I got older, it started to worry me that I was clearly different from everyone else, but unable to articulate how. If it weren’t for the internet, I would probably never have found out. Each time someone wondered aloud if I had found a girlfriend or boyfriend yet, I would change the subject. After a lot of googling, I finally discovered the term that described me: asexual, or “ace” for short. It was like a crucial piece of the jigsaw that was my life so far had just dropped into place.

I also came across an incredibly useful group, Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, or Aven.

Through the Aven web forum, I met Thom and Steve, two asexual men who have an emotional connection and identify as “homo-romantic”, but have no sexual desire for each other. They simply enjoy the companionship. The three of us decided to launch a podcast about life as an asexual person, called Pieces of Ace. Working on the programme enabled me to come out as asexual.

It was quite an extreme way of doing so, but recording the first episode was my way of saying to the world: “This is who I am.” We’ve now made more than 15 episodes, and received texts, emails and letters from people all over the world, people who felt the podcast really reached out to them and helped them figure out what was going on with their sexual orientation. The reaction of my close friends was wonderful: they were very supportive, and took a genuine interest in what it means to be asexual.

A gay friend of mine, whom I have known since school, said he found me more normal and easier to understand after I came out to him. Not everyone got it. Some people asked me if I needed therapy, and others wondered if I was a repressed homosexual. I’ve been asked if I was abused as a child and was pretending to be asexual as a coping mechanism. The truth is I am simply wired this way, just as gay and straight people are wired their way.

Coming out to my friends was the easy part. I felt more nervous about telling my family.

My brother showed a real interest and was very supportive. My parents were really supportive too, but were concerned that somewhere along the way they had made a mistake. My dad worried that I was having some kind of hormone issue. As for my grandad, his concern was that I’d been taken in by a of sex-hating cult.

The way I explain it to people is this: let’s assume you are a straight man. Imagine kissing another man: does that make you feel aroused? Probably not. This is how I feel about sex in general. Recently, there was an asexual guy on First Dates, the Channel 4 series that introduces single people to each other – he was put on a date with a woman, who he agreed to see again. I think is great for raising the profile of asexuals.

here have not been many studies on asexuality, and it is an area that would benefit from more research. The most frequently quoted statistic is that around 1 per cent of the British population is asexual, though I suspect the actual number is higher than that. It’s important discussed in the media, provided it is done so accurately and sensitively.

There’s an episode of House in which an asexual person is told that they merely had a hormonal imbalance and could be “cured”. That was an example of it being done poorly. Since I came out, I get asked more about sex advice than any of my friends, even though I’m a virgin.

As soon as people find out, they feel a need to tell me about their sexual lives, which is quite disarming. I think it’s because I have a fresh, objective perspective – I’m able to think outside of it, and talk them through their problems in a logical way.

People also aren’t aware there can be lots of advantages to being asexual. There are obvious ones – I never worry about catching STIs – and women don’t feel threatened around me. When I go travelling with my female friends, we share a hotel bed. With me, their boyfriends never have to worry that they are being cheated on. I wouldn’t say it is harder to come out as asexual than gay, but it can be more complicated. Being “ace” still isn’t seen as a genuine sexual orientation by a lot of people, whereas being gay is much more widely accepted.

Many think it is just a phase, or that there is something wrong with you, which is exactly what people used to say about gay people in the past. It’s easy to talk about asexuality in negative terms, but I enjoy a fulfilling life. I have brilliant friends and family, have secured my dream job to be a graphic designer, and I wouldn’t rule out getting into a non-physical relationship later in life.

That person could be a man or a woman, it wouldn’t matter which gender they are. It would depend purely on what kind of person they are. I’d like to adopt children, too. The only difference between my life and a “normal” person’s life is that I’m not thinking about sex all the time.

In the grand scheme of things, it really isn’t that hard to grasp. Is it?

As told to James Rothwell

[devi (imported)]

That's exactly what childhood and adolescent eunuchism is all

about.

[devi (imported)]

That's exactly what childhood and adolescent eunuchism is all about.

(Birth, childhood, and early adolescent at age of onset of eunuchism)

[theemptyone (imported)]

As I look back on my life, I can see that I've always been asexual. I'm just now beginning to realize it.