Seeing Dr Arnkoff next week

[nvrgag44 (imported)]

Hi M50, How's the leaking doing? Still getting any drainage? Good to hear you're doing good otherwise.

[monkey50 (imported)]

4.5 weeks post orchiectomy

Not much to update in the last week or so because there hasn't been a lot of change. Tiny, tiny improvements from day to day in terms of the drainage of straw-colored fluid from the center and edge of the wound where the drain was. A tiny dab of more gooey pus occasionally, but no signs of infection, no pain on the incision, and no redness or foul smell to the discharge. I am still wearing a panty liner. If I didn't, it would be enough to leave a disgusting wet spot on my underwear, so this seems much more sanitary.

I've learned all about maxi pads now, but have had the equivalent of a period (spotting, really?) for over a month, which puts one in a special state of mind.

On Friday I noticed I went 6-7 hours and was completely good. Pretty exciting. It's definitely seen a major improvement during the weekend. I'm cautiously optimistic because I've been here before and then seen a small opening again, but I think I must be very close to being sealed up.

I have a theory about the wound drainage, and I can't be sure it's right, specific to me, or an observation in general about Dr. Arnkoff's surgical technique. Everybody's different, so it's just one data point. But I think the outermost dissolvable sutures were a problem for me. They seemed quite stiff, more like fishing line than flexible thread. The tied part at the end was a long, stiff and pointed knot and it seemed to fall off about 12 days after surgery. But the thread was still in. A few days later I found a long (maybe 1.5 inches) of thread protruding from the left side of my incision, and touched it, not pulled it, and it came out. It was semi-transparent, brown-black in color. I think partially dissolved. That was on the side of the wound that, after a month, has been healed up nicely. The center/right side pieces are still in, I THINK, as I have spotted a few times a single piece of the suture poking up out of my scrotum, right in the center of the wound it looks like. I don't really manipulate it much because I don't want to spread the skin and open things up. But it's interesting that on the side where the suture fell off and out, it's healed nicely and on the other side it has taken much longer. I think the drainage is lymphatic fluid my body is sending to dissolve a foreign body, and for some reason the suture thread is tough, too thick, or something about my body just doesn't break it down well. (I went through a whole tube of neosporin, kept it moist the whole month, but that apparently doesn't dissolve sutures.)

I should emphasize that there's no big infection, just that surface drainage (pus???), no redness or pain. And the result overall has been good. So who knows if it's something that could have been avoided, but nvrgag44, who was castrated a few days before me, didn't have that experience so I'm wondering if it's something that a different surgical technique could address...

The spermatic cords don't hurt to touch, though they're certainly still big. Feels like I still have testicles, albeit small and withdrawn ones. They sort of sit up to either side of the shaft of the penis. My scrotum is full at the top and empty at the bottom, which is a very weird shape, but there's a small amount of loose, flappy skin below, which is really exciting. Maybe an indication that an eventual scrotectomy will be in the cards. So far this has been a lot of effort to heal, take care of, without the real benefit of having an empty scrotum. So having some major strides in the healing is a real feeling that I'm getting there!

Emotionally, I'll be glad to have the distraction of leaking all settled. I think in the next 3 days I'll be there, assuming no setbacks. (I suspect it'll be another month or 2 before the cords are back to attached-to-testicle-size, with even more time for them to withdraw and atrophy.) I'm taking testosterone but as more time has passed I'm more focused on lowering my dosage, and seeing if I can find a very low level that will maintain energy, bone health, and prevent hot flashes. I really like the feeling.

I have an appointment with my GP middle of next week and am thinking about asking her about a low dose of estrogen for those purposes (energy, bones, etc), and see if she's open to me experimenting a bit. I don't want to grow breasts (nipple changes are fine, though) or transition genders. I need to retain muscle mass but recomping a little (body fat) is not the end of the world, if the emotional/mental changes are what I think they would be. Still thinking about the best way to bring that up, we'll see. Thrilled at the possibilities all this presents...

Thanks to all for your ideas and comments, and support.

[nvrgag44 (imported)]

Hi M50,

How's the healing going? It's been 2 weeks since you posted. I updated yesterday but it was 2 weeks since my last post too. We both had our surgery within 2 days of each other so it's been interesting reading about your progress. I guess we're both at the point where we're getting used to being eunuchs and back to our usual daily routines. Hope you're doing well.

[lstiantian (imported)]

Saw your story at tumblr. Congratulations!

[TgEunuch (imported)]

Saw your story at tumblr. Congratulations!

WOW! What a awesome site, I have never seen so many sacks and eunuchs in my life.

I don't know how I ever missing this site on the WEB. THANKS!

[poorpupnoballs (imported)]

M50,

Forgive me if this is too personal but I have questions on arousal. Physical arousal? Since the operation have you felt stirrings, almost erections? How about emotional arousal?

Also, since the operation have you masterbated, have you had the urge to?

Again forgive the personal nature of the questions it's just that this a very fascinating read, seeing almost weekly updates of your healing process.

[monkey50 (imported)]

2 months post orchiectomy

Well, lots of updates so let's dive right in. Thanks to NVR for asking and to others who've posted or sent words of encouragement.

Physically, the wound is great, healed up nicely. Looks like a little pucker wound though, the scrotum sort of folds in on itself there, I assume due to the way the internal stuff was sewed up and healed. I do have a tiny spot on the left side of the wound and a larger one on the right side where there's a little nodule of flesh. It exudes pus. No other way to say it. At the beginning it was a lot, and I was using a pad to keep things clean. Now it's not so bad and if I keep it cleaned off once or twice during the day it won't show in my underwear but it makes little mucus like blowing your nose or getting a little booger. Gross, huh? Dr. Arnkoff said he'd be happy to take care of it for me but there's no way I'm flying to Detroit for that. It's a "suture granuloma," which is a collection of immune cells that form around a foreign body to contain and destroy it. They both appeared on the ends of the stitches where I had the ends of the suture thread hanging out. My GP says to wait, they'll stop leaking eventually and get better, and then they'll probably have to be taken off. (You have to be careful about how you remove them, because they have a tendency to grow back. Silver nitrate, minor surgery/excision, or cauterizing are the options.)

The scrotal skin is sort of bunched up near the top, to the sides of the shaft, again I think due to the minor spermatic cord swelling there and the way I was sewn up. No more bruising, no pain whatsoever, just some saggy skin. It still moves like before -- when you're cold, it shrinks up, but it's usually sort of folded up in my underwear. Looks funny. I can manipulate (gently!) the stumps of the spermatic cords. Honestly, they're still sizeable but definitely you can tell now that they are just stumps of the cords. They aren't the size of testicles anymore. Really I didn't notice that they were much better until about week 7, when suddenly they felt much smaller.

Penis is about the same size in all states, sort of the normal range during the day. I sort of thought it would get a little smaller.

In terms of emotions and so on, I feel really good when my testosterone is low. Very clear headed, kinder, more thoughtful. I really can't overstate how remarkable it is. I do still inject testosterone, but it's only about once every two weeks and I'm just sipping it (a figure of speech, I actually inject). When I start getting some facial flushing I go ahead and take a little more. I'm concerned about brittle bones, hot flashes, and energy, so I want to keep just enough to stay healthy.

It's hard to say how much of a role the testosterone is playing on my ability to have an erection. When I've just taken testosterone, nighttime erections pop back up (ha!) but I don't have much drive. Which is the goal. When I'm getting late in a cycle, like now, I'm not bothered by random or nighttime erections but I can get one with stimulation.

The on and off testosterone is REALLY INTERESTING with my mood and mental processes. Lots of interesting differences. Most of them are subtle but I am somewhat sad when I feel like I need to take more testosterone, I'm sorry to lose the special mental state. One thing I've just realized is that I can track the amount of time I spend playing video games to higher testosterone. I don't feel like imagining that: it wasn't a goal or something I was thinking about it, but I'm clearly going through swings where I feel like that is more fun.

In terms of performance and sex, I'm finding that I am feeling more sexual as I get to the end of a cycle and am very low or no testosterone. This completely defies my expectations, and I'm still not sure what it means. I suspect it's being more comfortable in this state, and without the typical male pressure. There's some gender issue too that I think is at play, which I didn't fully understand but now see through a certain lens. More on that in a sec.

So to address a few questions, erections and masturbation are no problem. Everything works just fine. I've never had a wild amount of drive or urge, and am generally good for a few weeks at a time. I could certainly go without and it wouldn't bother me. Masturbation, as reported other places, is not dramatically different. Quite a bit of runny ejaculate, still clear-white, but seems a bit thinner. One interesting thing is that I've now twice used an anal toy during masturbation with really low testosterone and it felt great. I think this part may be peculiar to me, as I've got some gender questions, but it was wonderful to masturbate that way and discover I could orgasm (and ejaculate) without an erection. Exciting and sort of mind expanding.

In terms of visits with the Doctor, I've started seeing a gender therapist, who is wonderful and has been a great resource so far. To be clear, anyone who wants to be castrated has SOME sort of alternative idea about their gender, and is bold enough to shape themselves into something new. And I'm really not, as far as I know, secretly wanting to be a woman. But I'm now fairly convinced that I'm embracing some third (MtE, or some other non-binary identity) gender idea and still working on a process. My GP has connected me with a trans specialist and I expect soon to start taking a low/maintenance dose of estrogen. I think that will address those basic health concerns (bones, energy, etc) while keeping test out of my system. I'm not going to start presenting myself as female, changing my name or any of that business. Still happily male. But I wouldn't mind small breasts. So there's that!

I still have as a goal to remove my scrotum. Dr A of course will take care of that for $3,000 and a flight to Detroit. Regardless, that's not for another few months. I recommend Dr A but the suture issue I had from this gives me pause -- the whole point of the scrotum removal is to have a neat/tidy result, so I'm really curious about anyone who's had it done and what it looks like. I've found a few RARE scrotum-removed photos online, and I'm not super sure who to turn to. I spoke to a plastic surgeon this week who was game with looking but said a urologist would be a better choice. May end up just writing/calling a few, or even turning to one of the gender reassignment surgeons -- probably a time-consuming way to do it but they are used to giving a good aesthetic result in that area.

[Littledick (imported)]

Thanks for all the updates.

I hope you are able to complete the look you want.

Let us all know.

And again thanks for all the info.

[kkks (imported)]

Thank you for all the updates.

[dvdbll (imported)]

Hey, how are you after 3 months? All healed? Can you feel the cords still? How's the libido? How does it look now?