Empty Bag

[Energizer (imported)]

It's been quite a long time since I've made a post on this site, but wanted to say that I finally had my orchiectomy a couple months ago. Everything is all healed up now and I feel great!

I was concerned that I might miss them after they were gone, but that is not the case. At this point, I still enjoy feeling down there and finding nothing. I find it more comfortable to sit down or cross my legs and throughout the day I constantly realize how much more comfortable it is without balls. So far I love being this way and only wish it could have happened sooner. I have a gender therapist and she is positive that I am TS, although I am not 100% convinced. However, I have to admit, there are probably a lot of men that would not enjoy being this way, so maybe I'm a little bit TS.

I've been on TRT for a number of years and plan to continue that, but I do like to lower the dosage from time to time and let some of the testosterone drain out of my system. I have found that as time goes on I can still feel good on reduced amounts of Testosterone, levels that once made me feel real tired and run down. In the back of my mind I'd really like to try a little estrogen for a period of time just to see how it feels. I suspect it might be pretty nice.

I hope everyone is having a great day!

[InkedFutureNullo (imported)]

Congratulations on your orchiectomy!!

Is your gender therapist suggesting that you are MtF, or MtE, or perhaps a non-binary transgender person?

i'm on low dose estrogen now, after discontinuing/purging testosterone (i too was on TRT for years). i'm definitely liking how i feel!

[Energizer (imported)]

She says I am MtF. Perhaps I am since that would explain a lot of things I questioned over the years, but yet I have some lingering doubts about some parts of that that. I think we tend to think of gender as polar opposites, but maybe they are not always that far apart and sometimes have some overlapping. Perhaps that is where I am. I have noticed that the higher my testosterone level is the stronger my gender dysphoria becomes. At lower T levels I can pretty much keep it under control.

[SplitDik (imported)]

You therapist may not be fully aware of the emerging classification of Male-to-Eunuch transgender orientation. She may be of the traditional mindset that you are either male or female and that if you don't want to be classically male that you must want to be female.

I think that if you have your doubts about an MtF classification, that you probably aren't MtF. However, many transgender people have a period of conflict where they know deep down what they are but they are still mentally fighting all their upbringing and societal pressures. So uncertainty doesn't mean you're not MtF. But since you are so ready (even proud, fulfilled) to discuss your castration, I suggest that if you were MtF you'd probably embrace the classification.

Lastly, don't worry too much about classifications. They are only useful for securing medical treatment. So if thinking you are MtF gets you the medical treatments you need (hormones, genital surgeries, etc.) then you may want to continue to let the doctor classify you as such.

Anyway, you sound pretty happy overall and that is a good thing!

[Energizer (imported)]

Thank you SplitDik for the thoughtful reply. I realize on the one hand that being TS would explain a number of things I have wondered about for years, such as my desire to wear women's clothing, wanting to have boobs and a desire for castration. There are quite a few other things as well. Yet, on days like today when I'm past due for a does of T, I feel calm and relaxed, and have a much reduced desire for sex, I feel much less like a TS person. Sometimes I feel more "manly" with lower T. If it gets too low, then like others on here have reported I can easily turn into a bitch.

You mentioned a period of uncertainty, and for sure I much to lose if I ever attempted to transition. I have a solid marriage, great family and friends, good job and career- all that could get trashed. So it is like I have nearly everything to lose and very little to gain. And speaking of little to gain, I'd probably end up with very small boobs.

All I know is that at the time I am very pleased with my castration and it feels incredible not having those things down there. Will that feeling change over time? I guess time will tell.

[Energizer (imported)]

SplitDik, I've reread your post above several times and have to admit that I never gave much thought to the possibility of being Male-to-Eunuch, but if that were the case it might also explain some of my past actions and desires. I really like the state I'm in right now with a reduced T level. I'm relaxed, feel great, happy and contented. Maybe this is what I always wanted. I'm not sure when I first began thinking about castration, but probably as a teen being around the horses and other animals on farms and realizing most of them were castrated. I used to be fascinated by noticing horses that had been gelded and that is probably when my desires began.

I need to learn more about eunuchs, such as where they fit on the gender chart and will start paying closer attention to what others are saying on this forum. Maybe I always wanted to be a eunuch and didn't completely realize it. I began reading this forum a number of years before I joined since I was interested in the subject. Why would a MtF TS person be interested in that?

Anyway, I really appreciate you mentioning the MtE possibility. You may have hit the nail on the head.

[dancinggizmos (imported)]

Your not male to Female unless you want to have all the female body traits I would say, I would think that you would be able to know if you want to just be eunuch or Female if your happy and content with how you are that would be best.

How much testosterone hormones etc do you normally use?

[JessicaH (imported)]

You may very well be trans but there are degrees of that like anything else. Transition comes with many "costs" so it's wise to think long and hard before moving forward. I will also warn you that if you try estrogen, you may like it. I'm on about my 48th month of a "trial run" to see if I like it.

[Energizer (imported)]

I am prescribed the usual 200 mg of testosterone every two weeks, but I've known for a long time that that amount is too much for me. I much prefer a dosage around half that amount. But I have also discovered that I can't always determine my level by the way I feel. It tested once at 190 and I felt good, and it's tested in the 500 range when I thought it was low. I'm beginning to thing the T lasts longer in my system than I first thought.

As far as being trans, I still think that may be a possibility. I want to discuss estrogen with my gender therapist on my next visit. Jessica, if that is really your picture in your avitar, I'd say estrogen has worked extremely well for you. I've quite envious.

[Raul Bender (imported)]

Congrats enegizer! I thonk youre gender is just EUNUCH ! Hope the therapist got that soon in their minds !