Nerve racking post

[1Morgan1 (imported)]

By nature I am a quiet guy, but I have a lot to say now. I hope to qet some good advice. I have been apart of this group for some time, but when I joined there was so much to read and think about that I needed a lot of time time digest the information and my thoughts and feelings. Please understand I am not trying to be crude, but trying discribe what I am feeling.

I am not sure where to begin, so forgive me if I am all over the map. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to remove my male junk and replace it with a vigina. I never understood those feelings and thought I was some kind of pervert. At 39 years of age I decide that I wanted to be a eunuch, but didn't know how to go about it until I found this group. Again information overload and it took me a while to sort out my feeling and thoughts.

It took me a while to admit to myself that I might be transgender or more accurately have gender dysforia. I am still not a 100% if I fit that category. You see, I feel like I could live my life in a male role. I just have this overwhelming erg to have breasts and a vigina. About the same time as discovering this site I discovered what tucking is. I bought panties and women's skinny jeans and tried it out. I am not sure I can discribe the feelings I was feeling. I felt so calm and when I looked down and saw a curve instead of a bulge I felt my anxiety start to slip away and when I put a bra and breast forms in the anxiety slipped even further away. I felt normal seeing what I saw. Althought I knew what I was under the cloths.

At 42 now I feel like I have a better grasp of what I am, but I don't think I can ever have what I physically want, do to life choices. I still want to be a eunuch. I hate my male parts. I really want to be gender nuteural or would it be more correct to be "hormonal nuteural." Before I just wanted the testicles removed, but now I am willing to go the chemical castration route. I want to know 3 things.

1. Will I find the peace I am looking for?

2. Will I still have a physical desire to transition?

3. Will I miss my manhood and end the chemical castration process?

I am honestly scared to find out that I may want to still transition, because I am not sure what to do with that information.

I am not sure how to go about chemical castration. I don'the want to tell some shrink or doc. that I am some kind of pervert and a danger to people. I do want to be monitored by a doctor so that I can lessing the risk to myself. I feel I need this experience so I can make a more informed choice.

I am hoping for some good advice and perhaps something pointed out that I haven'the thought of.

Morgan

[Frida G Cavic (imported)]

I, I´m a transgender in the spectrum MtF, I have been on antiandrogens for a whole year, adding estradiol in the last few months,In my case I feel a great relief since mi androgens are low, relief in regards to my physical appearance as in my libido, I don´t think that you miss something that you have never desired,

[eunuched (imported)]

Hello, I would suggest if you have not, check out the thread " For those men who want a vagina". I suspect this should give some insight and also some helpful resources to ponder.

[1Morgan1 (imported)]

Thanks, I'll read it.

[1Morgan1 (imported)]

Thanks for that thread. I had never concidered some type of genital dysphoria. I thought I had to fit in with gender dysphoria, but that was the closest to what I was feeling and that matched my physical need.