TRUCK NUTS for Xmas, fun Redneck gift, perfect for EA members and fans

[txcowboyw2balls (imported)]

The last thread on this idea was years ago and is closed now.

Since its gift time, maybe fans of EA would like this gift?

Humorous gag gift to hang on your truck or SUV back bumper, and to give your ride balls.

They come in all different colors and a few different sizes to choose from, see different inter net sellers and competing brands that offer all kinds and types.

Why put these on a truck?

1. Humorous for people stuck behind you at a stop sign with nothing else to look at. Makes people smile.

2. Shows pride in your own anatomy and in your prized truck.

3. Teach boys to be proud of their balls, not like the usual puritan suppression of all male sexual parts as is so often done in US.

4. Showing your own healthy Male gender pride in a big way for all to see.

5. Goes good with trailer hitches as the penis to match the balls, especially lift hitches with upward rising steel dick and big round head (trailer ball) for a fully erect complete set effect.

6. Show you're a good ole southern redneck boy or girl who knows how to personalize a truck right.

7. Give parents an excuse to explain the birds and bees to kids stuck in traffic.

8. Give girls a safe exposure to usually hidden male anatomy in a non threatening form to explain to each other.

9. Gives strangers and all people interested in testicles an excuse to talk to you about balls.

10. Upsets people who are way too up tight and who should ignore a good little joke and not be so afraid of males and male anatomy in public. Like, relax people they're not real and don't function, jeez.

11. Makes it easy to find your own truck in big mall parking lots.

12. Show people you are not too uptight and have a sense of humor.

13. Gives your vehicle a clear sex, male or female.

13. Very appropriate gift and acceptable public symbol for all EA fans.

Like a good redneck boy, I have a set of blue balls for my truck. Blue balls as in the complimentary meaning of, "I'm always ready, eager, willing, and able to have sex" not the other less sexy and competing meanings of "I haven't had sex in so long my balls turned blue" or "I've been ready to shoot but been teased with no relief for so long till my balls turned blue".

Take a look and see if anyone on your gift list would enjoy a set for their truck or SUV.

Happy Holidays !!!!!

[Paolo]

Get the smaller sets, tie red/green ribbons on them, and glue on a hanger. Put on Christmas tree.

[kristoff]

I've castrated a few of these trucks....

[Paolo]

Widespread thefts of truck nuts reported all across the two-state area!

[txcowboyw2balls (imported)]

Hi Kristoff,

You know, you're right, castrating our big trucks really does happen. There is a real problem of some people wanting to castrate our proud trucks. I wouldn't mind too much if you did it gently enough, and didn't do any permanent damage to the balls, and then just put them on my windshield, where I could simply go and rehang them back in place easily.

One friend of mine has a set of full metal balls bolted on to his pickup trailer hitch to prevent truck castration. But he has to go into Dallas pretty often and is more prone to getting truck castrated than us country boys. You wouldn't want him to catch you at cutting it. He's one big and strong cowboy with a sizeable temper on him. He's worn out a few past plastic and rubber sets in driving so many miles on gravel roads (rocks kicking up and hitting yer truck's balls) and the constant swinging motions wear out the top necks of the ball sacks over time.

On a trip up north years ago, in the Midwest, I camped out in a dusty, old, public park that was empty, and miles from any town. Us hayseeds like our open space and lots of privacy, you know. My luck, some group had a big public function in that park next morning. People parked all around my blue testicled truck. I had a six inch lift trailer ball in my hitch and was pulling no trailer at the time. So, it looked just like a nice, hard, erect dick and balls ready for action between the back wheels of my truck. I woke up in my tent, set up just a little distance from my truck. Some group of local men pointed out my hanging truck balls and erect metal trailer ball and neck, and laughed over it.

Then some (presumably) community religious leader came along and the men asked him what he thought of my truck nuts and trailer ball. He replied, "And I bet he thinks that's funny too."

I thought, "Well, yeah, duh, that's the whole point, isn't it?" I could have given him my own long sermon on how, "religion and a sense of humor, and also the great appreciation of the miracle of human body parts and sex, are not incompatible or sinful". But I just kept my tongue quiet and listed on in amusement.

Then one of the men suggested this religious guy cut my truck nuts off, saying "here's my knife". The religious guy said, "I already tried to earlier, but he has them chained and bolted onto his truck's trailer hitch."

My truck was safe from neutering and still has a fine set of balls swinging proudly.

But some of the past posted threads from years back are right.

In some states the police will write you tickets just for hanging nuts on your truck. They claim to be able to write tickets for the sole legal offense of "displaying offensive sexual images or body parts in public". What is so offensive about plastic, rubber, or metal testicles? Virginia even tried to pass a law against all truck nuts. It failed to pass.

A few people that got tickets for showing their truck nuts then counter sued, claiming their first amendment right to display their truck balls is protected as free speech and harmless to everyone. I never heard how those cases turned out, no later news coverage of those final outcomes. What a big waste of taxpayers' money to try to impose dead old puritan fears on people today and stifle a little safe humor.

So some of us Texans have to temporarily remove our truck balls when we go up north, or into larger northern cities where the police seem to have no sense of humor, or just don't like us hayseed rednecks, or dislike any balls being displayed. Texas police don't seem to mind truck balls at all in large or small cities. No one seems to get offended here either. They have a sense of humor and understand and appreciate us rednecks better. Some cowboys just temporarily hang their truck balls from their rear view mirrors, inside the cab, when traveling in places where it might get them a ticket.

Judging from the number of websites selling these truck nuts, there must be a lot of us paying customers hanging them off our trucks.