Introduction and a question? Any one else here like me?

[Eunuch265 (imported)]

I was castrated at the age of 14. It was againts my will and I have gone through therapy. I still have my dick, fortunatley, but I can never have children. My wife and i are currently disscusing sperm donation with a cousin of mine. I have been on hormone replacment therapy since I was 14, and the doctors slowly increased my doseage until I was 21. I have been on 500mg testosterone cypionate every three weeks. Works out to having 150mg of testosterone per week due to the cypionate ester. Any way once I turned 24 I decided to start bodybuilding and have been self administering testosterone cypionate myself (simetimes going on very high doses combined with anabloic steroids for three month cycles once per year, no different than most bodybuilders). I need to keep doing the 500mg every three weeks of test just to keep functioning as a man. Somtimes I do get very deppressed that as masculan as I may be able to behave, I still cannot have children.

[Andrew (imported)]

I was castrated at the age of 14. It was againts my will and I have gone through therapy. I still have my dick, fortunatley, but I can never have children. My wife and i are currently disscusing sperm donation with a cousin of mine. I have been on hormone replacment therapy since I was 14, and the doctors slowly increased my doseage until I was 21. I have been on 500mg testosterone cypionate every three weeks. Works out to having 150mg of testosterone per week due to the cypionate ester. Any way once I turned 24 I decided to start bodybuilding and have been self administering testosterone cypionate myself (simetimes going on very high doses combined with anabloic steroids for three month cycles once per year, no different than most bodybuilders). I need to keep doing the 500mg every three weeks of test just to keep functioning as a man. Somtimes I do get very deppressed that as masculan as I may be able to behave, I still cannot have children.

Whether or not there is anyone who has been through your most unfortunate set of circumstances, rest assured you will be welcomed in the EA. Most of the eunuchs here are "elective", but we do have a few non-elective eunuchs, and a few suffering from hypogonadism, and a few other catagories as well.

[Blaise (imported)]

This is a good place to visit. I have learned a lot dropping by here.

Recently, I learned that my testosterone level is extremely low. I don't know the level, but my physician says that essentially my body produces no testosterone. For a very long time, I've been on medications that have this as a side effect. I'm having a CAT scan the day after tomorrow to determine some boundaries before I began receiving testosterone in January.

Like you, I did body building for about a quarter century. One of the good aspects of the cardiac rehab that I'm doing is that I get to do some upper body building in January. I have missed this aspect of life and the sense of control that body building gives one.

Though I was never tested, I suspect that I was not able to have children. I rarely made much effort not to have them but my lovers never got pregnant with me. I suppose that was just as well. I found joy in being part of the lives of my nieces and nephews and in teaching .

I have just begun to read and investigate the literature on loss of testosterone. As I read, I discover a lot of background to my last few years of exerience. In a certain sense, I was gelded without my knowing it. At least you knew you had endured a major loss.

At the same time, I have enjoyed a relaxed life that I might not have known had my testosterone levels been normal. However, I doubt that testosterone is the monster that we sometimes think that it is. I suspect that normal levels of it can make life fulfilling and pleasant.

Anyway, I hope you learn as much as I have coming to visit here. I'm sorry that you had to endure your loss.

:redbounce :redbounce :redbounce :redbounce

[SplitDik (imported)]

There are many, many couples that are unable to have children for any number of reasons. It does not make one less of a man. I wouldn't knock yourself out about it.

With parenting, it is more important to transfer your life philosophy and create a good person than it is to transfer your genes.

You should look at all of the regular options for infertile couples. Frankly I think adoption is one of the best routes -- you get to help a child that is already born and hoping for a home.

[A-1 (imported)]

Splitdik is right.

It is far better to raise a child than it is to have one.

Perhaps you and your mate can opt for genetic counseling and then think about artificial insemination with donor sperm if she wants to have a child herself. Many women feel that they really need to bear children.

Do not let your inability to concieve a child stand in her way. Help her if you can ans support her to secure appropriate artificial insemination if she wants it. If it bothers you a great deal seek psychological counselling and work your way through it. In the end it will make your relationship stronger if this is the course that your mate desires.

In some instances the male is able to do the actual introduction of the donor sperm into his mate's reproductive tract.

It is possible to get donor sperm from a donor with the desired physical characteristics and also to have genetic screening so that genetic predisposition for certain diseases could be eliminated.

Look at your situation as an opportunity to help your offspring have the best genetic material available and do not agonize over your loss.

I know that this is easy to say and hard to do but if you can manage to do it it will serve you well all of your life. Just remember, always do the best that you can do for yourself and teach your children well.

Regret and guilt can cause one to have to live a terrible existance and it can make one no fun to be around. Do not let people who tried to ruin your life succeed and get away with their intentions.

A-1

[JesusA (imported)]

I can only add to the fine advice that SplitDik and A-1 have given. There are a large number of males who have testicles producing adequate amounts of testosterone, but who are still infertile. The current estimates for YOUNG males who have grown up in heavily polluted areas are as high as 10% or more being infertile. Most struggle for years to have children before discovering what you already know to be your own situation. Biological parenting is only a small part of the process. Social parenting is that part that is critical to make a child your own.

Everything other than sperm production can be taken care of through modern chemistry - androgens and prostheses.

[Eunuch265 (imported)]

A-1, you are correct in that my wife does want to actually bear children. If I did not come from a healthy family we would most likely be going through a donation clinic. Since I have a cousin who has children himself (obviously fertile), and is willing to donate, we are awaiting results of a screening. And it is for the reasons you mentioned above. Part of the reason we opt to go with a family member is because of his close relation to myself. If the screening comes back indicating that there is a genetic abnormality in our family, and my cousin could pass those on, then we will go with an unrelated donor. Adoption would be our first choice, if it was not for my wife wanting to actually bear children, and I can understand her wanting to do so.

Also the idea that I do have an underlying masculinity complex is true. For that I am currently getting psychiatric help. I have tried for a long time to overcompensate the feeling of emasculation that is an even bigger issue in my life then the infertility. It’s hard on your sexual identity growing up when you are just a kid, and you have no testicles. I believe that is what led to my anabolic steroids, and bodybuilding. Trying to overcompensate. My doctor has told me that I am otherwise healthy, but he has advised me for years to stop going through cycles of extra androgens (the anabolic steroids). At my all time heaviest I weighed about 265 pounds (its on my signature but I might change that now). Muscle or fat, that is hard on a 5'8" frame. I know that when off of anabolic steroid cycle (I have to stay on testosterone year round still, obviously ) I do atrophy down to about 245 lbs, and at that weight I am far more mobile. I can still bend down to tie my shoes comfortably. I have been back down at 245 lbs for a while now and that is about as masculine as any one would ever need to look.

Over coming the use of steroids is hard to do. It is a drug, but it is also a hormone. I have been reading a lot on this site, and I have found that a lot of guys who actually wanted to be castrated. I was a little surprised to read this as I was originally seeking to find guys more in my situation, but that’s if you went through with it voluntarily, I say “whatever makes you happy”. But I imagine for some of you it may have had to do with self control. Now when I am on my 500mg every 3 weeks I am fine. But….for a long time I would go on steroid cycle which would last 12 weeks, and I would do this sometimes twice per year. I cycle for my consisted of 1000mg of Testosterone a week, 400 mg of Boldenone (a horse steroid), and 400mg of Nandrolone (an injectable anibolic steroid) and 50mg a day of Dianabol (an oral anibolic for the first 6 weeks of the cycle) . Now does that sound like a guy trying to overcompansate? I bet you can imagine how aggressive I was. I would turn into a monster. I think I can live without that now.

[SplitDik (imported)]

Again, I think what you're going through is experienced by many

"intact" males. Pretty much every guy I know has used steroids at one time or another. In Canada they are very easy to get, and cheaper than in the US.

There is a lot of consideration that men may now be exposed to the same body-image issues that women have complained about for so long -- extreme physiques being publicized in the media as desirable.

Anyway, I think a lot of your angst is related to the fact that you think this is all due to your castration. However, these are common problems for any man.

Like you I've taken a lot of steroids. They are addictive in two ways -- they do make your body stronger, more muscular, and they make you feel agressive, sexual, and daring. However, I also found that they made me feel bloated, and somehow stressed all the time. You never really feel relaxed in your own body. I've been off steroids for almost a year now, and have also settled to a weight of 245lbs. I am definitely less muscular, but I still feel pretty good. I think I've finally kicked the habit, but still have several friends who are abusing steroids.

In any case, the goal for everyone should be to become comfortable in their body. Take good care of it, but naturally.

Cheers!