Redneck - 2002

[Studlover (imported)]

Red Neck - 2002

You Know You Are A Redneck When -- 2002 Edition

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree -

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter -

You burn your yard rather than mow it -

You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive -

The Salvation Army declines your mattress -

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it -

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial -

You come back from the dump with more than you took -

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table -

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat -

You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys -

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem -

You've bathed with flea and tick soap -

You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog -

Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell -

You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture -

You took a fishing pole to Sea World -

You go to the stock car races and don't need a program -

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold -

You have a rag for a gas cap -

Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas

dinner -

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does -

You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean

-

You can spit without opening your mouth -

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it -

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand -

You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota

-

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on them -

The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-mart -

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV -

You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler -

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table -

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart -

Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home -

You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher -

You've asked the preacher, "How's it hangin'?" -

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty -

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

.

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[Paolo]

My favorite was always "If your mamma has ever been involved in a fight with a high school sports referee...."

One that I came up with one Christmas was "If on Christmas morning, you took more pictures of your dogs than you did your kids..."