Don't really know where to start. I have been gone for quite some time and thought all was well but I have been fooling myself. I am still married to a wonderful woman who has stuck with me thru all my phases. But I haven't been able to find a happy medium. I couldn't keep my life together sexually so I went the route of castration and that seemed to work for awhile. But the fatigue loss of strength and weight gain started to catch up with me. You all know the list of things that happen after castration. So I tried estrogen and that seemed to work. I started to develope breast and I could live with that and thought it was okay. I soon started to lactate not much so I could live with that too till it got to the point of showing thru my shirts. That really wasn't okay so I tried tweaking the dose with no happy medium to be found. Thru all this I was able to take care of the needs of my wife on the rare occasion it was required.
I tried androgel hoping to find a happy medium with no luck. Thru all this i have been off and on anti depressants and continue thru all this to take aderall to combat the fatigue and focus issues. At this point I am driving myself nuts not sleeping well making my wife crazy and spend most of my time on the couch. My wife and my primary physician think I am bipolar. I don't know about that maybe I am just fucked it the head and getting what I have coming. I don't really know. I have been referred to a shrink but haven't made the appointment.
I was told to use the employee assistance program but don't know if that is a good idea or not. To sure if I am ready to get labeled a nut job yet thinking it and knowing it are two different things. Maybe this is my midlife crisis since I did just turn 50 this year. Along with that came bilateral carp areal tunnel release and a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis so basically I think I am falling apart.
By leaving this forum I basically have left myself with no place to go where there is some understanding of what I am going thru.
Been gone for awhile
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tr_80504 (imported)
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raymar2020 (imported)
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Re: Been gone for awhile
tr,
Welcome back !!!! Sadly what often happens here is that people who achieve their goal of castration drift away. This often happens at just the point where the side issues start , and by avoiding interaction with others " in the same boat" the problems only escalate.
Many go thru the changes you describe, and the depression can be a real problem. You are in a double problem area with several things. With rheumatoid arthritis , calcium is NOT your friend. While mild consumption in food is fine, a supplement is a bad idea. Since being a eunuch changes the way it is absorbed, your risks multiply for osteoporosis.
As for Androgel, which is surely the most prescribed testosterone therapy, it seems to have little effect for some people, and from talking with others seems way less effective if the goal is minimal doses. I would advise talking to your doctor about trying a round of injectible testosterone. Taking a base line, and some trial and error, you can gradually raise the level until you hopefully find a point where some of the symptoms you describe fade. Some that have used an estrogen therapy also find that afterward they do not absorb T like they did.
The other things I would recommend would be to get as active as your physical energy allows. Take walks and as your build some stamina increase them, and maybe join a gym and do some cardio workouts. You don't need to be a gym rat, but for me physical exercise and keeping the blood flowing really helps.
Like you using an employee "assistance " program would likely not be a choice I would make as although it may be supposedly a very private program, somewhere someone at work "knows" and as we age there are already multiple reasons why we are less desireable on the employment roster. I would say that speaking to a therapist can't hurt. I would seek out someone who has a reputation for dealing with gender issues. Many off the street therapists will already have made a judgement of you as soon as they find out you were castrated.
If you made it to 50 without showing the signs of being bi-polar, then i would say that is unlikely. I would think that the changes you feel are hormonally motivated along with all the changes that come as we age. For some it takes years for those changes to be felt.
Be proactive in seeking treatment, and don't waste months or years sticking to a single plan. As I have said in many a post here, I am always open to trying to help even if that is just as a sounding board for your thoughts and feelings.
Raymar
Welcome back !!!! Sadly what often happens here is that people who achieve their goal of castration drift away. This often happens at just the point where the side issues start , and by avoiding interaction with others " in the same boat" the problems only escalate.
Many go thru the changes you describe, and the depression can be a real problem. You are in a double problem area with several things. With rheumatoid arthritis , calcium is NOT your friend. While mild consumption in food is fine, a supplement is a bad idea. Since being a eunuch changes the way it is absorbed, your risks multiply for osteoporosis.
As for Androgel, which is surely the most prescribed testosterone therapy, it seems to have little effect for some people, and from talking with others seems way less effective if the goal is minimal doses. I would advise talking to your doctor about trying a round of injectible testosterone. Taking a base line, and some trial and error, you can gradually raise the level until you hopefully find a point where some of the symptoms you describe fade. Some that have used an estrogen therapy also find that afterward they do not absorb T like they did.
The other things I would recommend would be to get as active as your physical energy allows. Take walks and as your build some stamina increase them, and maybe join a gym and do some cardio workouts. You don't need to be a gym rat, but for me physical exercise and keeping the blood flowing really helps.
Like you using an employee "assistance " program would likely not be a choice I would make as although it may be supposedly a very private program, somewhere someone at work "knows" and as we age there are already multiple reasons why we are less desireable on the employment roster. I would say that speaking to a therapist can't hurt. I would seek out someone who has a reputation for dealing with gender issues. Many off the street therapists will already have made a judgement of you as soon as they find out you were castrated.
If you made it to 50 without showing the signs of being bi-polar, then i would say that is unlikely. I would think that the changes you feel are hormonally motivated along with all the changes that come as we age. For some it takes years for those changes to be felt.
Be proactive in seeking treatment, and don't waste months or years sticking to a single plan. As I have said in many a post here, I am always open to trying to help even if that is just as a sounding board for your thoughts and feelings.
Raymar
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Uncle Flo (imported)
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Re: Been gone for awhile
You are being needlessly hard on yourself. I do not think of you as a "nut job", in fact you seem to be trying to find the path that you need in a very reasonable way. Raymar has got it right in suggesting a therapist. There is always benefit in talking to someone who is nonjudgemental. Keep working on finding your own personal solution to your own personal needs. I have found that I have a great difficulty sleeping when my hormones are out of balance with my needs. You could think of these events as more of the adventures that form your complete life experience rather than thinking of them as setbacks. Come back to keep us up to date on your progress. We are always on your side. --FLO--
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JessicaH (imported)
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Re: Been gone for awhile
I remember you, welcome back!I take adderall too and it really screws up my sleep which can lead to depression and other issues. You may want to look at adding about 10,000 iu of vitamin D3 as it can help with several of your issues. Glad to see you back here!
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Riverwind (imported)
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Re: Been gone for awhile
What Raymar said, read it again because he is right on except for one thing I would disagree, that would be that you could be Bi-polar, it hit me right after castration and I have been dealing with it ever sense.
Weight gain is part of the problem when I hit 300 lbs it was time to diet. I got down to 260 and stopped but sense I moved here to Hawaii this last Feb I have dropped another 35 lbs.
So how did I do that, first take a walk every day, when I started it was a block. Today I am walking about 5 miles a day and where I live its either up or down hill which is good. I could walk farther however my dog is done at that mark.
Eat less and healthier foods, mostly EAT LESS.
When you get up off the couch and start moving you will feel better. Its true people who are active tend to stay active and I think you will find that this one thing or change in your life will have outstanding results.
I have Neurotrophy in my feet so bad sometimes its hard to stand, with walking my feet do actually feel better.
Keep moving no matter how much it hurts, it does get better.
River
Weight gain is part of the problem when I hit 300 lbs it was time to diet. I got down to 260 and stopped but sense I moved here to Hawaii this last Feb I have dropped another 35 lbs.
So how did I do that, first take a walk every day, when I started it was a block. Today I am walking about 5 miles a day and where I live its either up or down hill which is good. I could walk farther however my dog is done at that mark.
Eat less and healthier foods, mostly EAT LESS.
When you get up off the couch and start moving you will feel better. Its true people who are active tend to stay active and I think you will find that this one thing or change in your life will have outstanding results.
I have Neurotrophy in my feet so bad sometimes its hard to stand, with walking my feet do actually feel better.
Keep moving no matter how much it hurts, it does get better.
River
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tr_80504 (imported)
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Re: Been gone for awhile
It is good to be back and I am not really sure why I left I guess life got in the way.
I have read it many times and know its true that self medicating is not the way too go but that seems to be the only choice I have. I don't really trust anything to be truly private today. Especially when it comes to the medical field, insurance companies and employment. So that is why I self medicate. Maybe I am asking for to much. Hell maybe I don't know what I want. I do know that I am better off now than before my castration but just can't seem too find middle ground. I just would like to feel okay. Not wanting sex but able to do what I need to do on occasion.
Up until the first of the year . I was a gym rat but with the rheumatoid arthritis and the carprell tunnel the energy just wasn't there and I have been felling that was ever since.
Have to go for now thanks for the input. I feel like maybe I can get some sleep now so i am going to give it a try.
I have read it many times and know its true that self medicating is not the way too go but that seems to be the only choice I have. I don't really trust anything to be truly private today. Especially when it comes to the medical field, insurance companies and employment. So that is why I self medicate. Maybe I am asking for to much. Hell maybe I don't know what I want. I do know that I am better off now than before my castration but just can't seem too find middle ground. I just would like to feel okay. Not wanting sex but able to do what I need to do on occasion.
Up until the first of the year . I was a gym rat but with the rheumatoid arthritis and the carprell tunnel the energy just wasn't there and I have been felling that was ever since.
Have to go for now thanks for the input. I feel like maybe I can get some sleep now so i am going to give it a try.