vaporous entities and musings (in other words - BS)

[Dave (imported)]

Today was the last Symphony of the 2015/2016 season and the Pittsburgh Symphony played three pieces:

1) Mozart's Rondo in C Major for violin with Noah Bendix-Balgley as the soloist. Noah was the Symphony's concertmaster for a few years and is now the concertmaster at the Berliner Philharmonic.

2) Fidl-Fantazye: A Klezmer Concerto for Violin from traditional Klezmer music composed by Noah Bendix-Balgley and orchestrated by Samuel Adler

3) Mahler: Symphony No. 5 in C‑sharp Minor -- a truly monumental work that begins with a stunning Trauermarsch and ends with a brilliant Rondo.

Most people remember Mahler's 5th Symphony for either the opening four trumpet notes which are similar to Beethoven's "fate" motif of his Fifth Symphony or they remember this for the fourth movement "Adagietto" which Mahler composed as a love song to his new wife Alma.

[Dave (imported)]

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.

“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.

The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”

[Dave (imported)]

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!

A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says “make me one with everything.”

The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.

“Where’s my change?” the monk asks.

The vendor replies, “change comes from within.”

[Dave (imported)]

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

A plumber would say- ‘you-niun-ized’ ,whereas a chemist would say- ‘un-ayon-ized’. Gettit? Gettit??

Helium walks into a bar and The bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gases in here.”

Helium doesn’t react.

Two chemists go into a restaurant.

The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”

The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”

— and he died.

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

“HeHe”

[C&TL2745 (imported)]

While we're on chemists:

Charlie was a chemist

But he is no more,

For what he thought was H2O

Was H2SO4

Sandi

[Dave (imported)]

Tom Brady has given up on his 4 game suspension...

He's going to take the time to get his balls properly inflated and in good working order...

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Charlie was a chemist

But he is no more,

For what he thought was H2O

Was H2SO4

Sandi

While we are on western gunslingers:

Here lies George Peas

Peas ain't here, only his pod

Peas has shelled out

And gone home to God.

[Dave (imported)]

I would make another chemistry joke but all good ones ARGON!

[Dave (imported)]

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like...

...”OMg”

[C&TL2745 (imported)]

You can never trust what an atom says. Atoms make up everything.

Sandi