vaporous entities and musings (in other words - BS)

[Dave (imported)]

I was going nowhere with it.

It just seems to be a piece of news that people might be interested in hearing.

[Peter47-NL (imported)]

José Feliciano No Dogs Allowed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

NZtaf20R9mg

The case of José Feliciano is not exact the same as that of Johnny Depp, but both cases have something ridiculous.

[Dave (imported)]

I'd forgotten that it was Jose Feliciano. Thanks for reminding me. I knew a number of music majors who required seeing eye dogs at college.

And no, I never met Jose Feliciano or heard him in person back then. . .

And I know why they quarantine animals. I have no argument with that.

My comment was aimed at the triviality of it as a news story when it played against the more serious and tragic news of the day.

[Riverwind (imported)]

For sure a slow news day. this was a non news story.

River

[Dave (imported)]

The WALRUS CAM is up and running again.

There are walruses on a beach in Alaska - - you can hear the waves, the calling of sea birds and the (not so) gentle call of walrus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=14389&v=HZRUsRVMS80

And, if I might add: Find a carpenter, a sunny beach and pack a picnic lunch of Oysters.

Recite this:

http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/walrus.html

[Dave (imported)]

I have this sequence in a story and yet, I can't sell the story:

“You left the Artificial Intelligence active? Are you crazy?” Logan gasped.

“What was I going to do? Wait while you decided to stop weeping? There’s a fortune in these Tech-Units and I will be their master and commander.” Jace answered.

Logan rested his forehead in his hands, elbows on the bench, heart pounding. He prayed forbidden thoughts: I am the lightning struck tower, Vishnu dancing the cosmos, the supernova forming new elements. I have created life in my image. It will bow before me. Glory to me in the highest.

And the world wonders why I get goofy, why I get angry.

When an editor says "I Want emotion, real characters, horror and vivid imagery. Bring me a rock" and then answers "it's the wrong rock." Then I don't know what they want or what they think they want.

I'm venting. I'm hurt. I need to rest.

[Dave (imported)]

I rarely put anything out that is "in progress" because it's too intellectual fragile to do that.

HOWEVER, I need to know if ONE SENTENCE is sufficient to carry the story.

340 words is all you get to see and make that decision.

A Tech-Unit is a robot. Logan has been tricked into downloading a friend into a robot.

The sentence in red is the one that is giving me fits. This sentence: “I understand more than you know,” Logan answered.

Is that the wrong sentence? Does it convey that he knows so much more than everyone else in the story? That he has thought about this moment? That he has planned this, in some way but it still in unaffected?

The Tech-Unit’s status lights flashed.

“We are reborn,” the Tech-Unit containing the mind of Kyle Daggett answered. Its metal shoulders and chest seemed to breathe. The head moved in a Kyle-like nod. “I think I am Kyle but Kyle was of flesh and blood. I am metal. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe.” The message was unmistakable.

“I couldn’t watch you die,” the excuse.

“I thank you for the gift of life but not for the gift of other lives. The powers of life and death are ours to wield as we please and I must believe that you, the creator, have not erred. Do you understand? ”

The words left Logan shaking. This simulacrum of life transgressed the natural order and trafficked in forbidden realms. This modern Frankenstein, bereft of heartbeat, lacking the limitations of flesh and blood, this mockery of life, stood before him--vital, sentient. The digital brain of the Tech-Units could not die. He had forsaken death. They could conquer the world, the universe, all creation. No mere man would be his master.

“I understand more than you know,” Logan answered.

“But then we knew what to do; we made a model for you, Father.” Caliban gestured to a Tech-Unit, born of iron, fueled by nitroglycerine and mustard gas, with a mind of sinister intelligence, and a body of blue-black, case-hardened metal.

Logan’s tongue found the kill switch embedded in his tooth. Unleash a single massive EMP and obliterate all electronics within a quarter-mile. Destroy his creations, his legacy, and blow his brains over the basement. Become Moloch’s sacrifice. Instead, he closed his eyes as Caliban place the transfer helmet on his head. It resembled a single red eye, a doorway to the mind of madness. It consumed him, his thoughts, his memories, and became a sudden flash of non-existence.

Then whiteness, sterility, crystal-like clarity, from inside a Tech-Unit.

[Riverwind (imported)]

"I wasn't born yesterday," Logan answered.

River

[C&TL2745 (imported)]

The only thing about "I understand more than you know" that I'd have a problem with is that, at least out of context, it's ambiguous. It could mean:

1) "Consider everything you know. I understand even more than that," OR

2) "My depth of understanding is greater than you realize."

The context argues for (2), and if that's the intent, I don't see a need to change it. However, a slight modification might make the meaning clearer:

"I do understand," Logan answered. Then, after a moment's reflection, he added, "More than you know."

Personally, I like it the way you wrote it. I just want to see the rest of the story.

Sandi

[Dave (imported)]

"I wasn't born yesterday," Logan answered.

River

I can see how he says that.

Thanks