Jhale's Little Blog

[Jhalemore (imported)]

I guess I'll start making a blog. Why not document the experiences of our rare demographic?

>> So I have been researching a lot of ways of self-mutilation on here. After figuring out how unsafe banding is for humans (even though it works for sheep fine) I've decided to go on the lawful good path of getting a total penectomy and orchiectomy. It will definitely be difficult but I'm willing to see what it takes. That's even more worth blogging about, isn't it?

>> Day 1: Sucky Transcription Day #1.

>> So I do transcriptions on mturk.com. Apparently, Mechanical Turk is still in beta, but this is a website created/hosted by Amazon which allows people to gain extra-curricular income. Like many others, it's actually my primary income source. Additionally, my transcription jobs with Crowdsurf through this service are also highly typical. I'm usually capable of doing as much as 300 HITs consisting of mainly 25 second clips but that's only a day without loud noise or emotional distress. Last day I surpassed or approached 300 was weeks ago.

>> Today was absolutely terrible though. Over the course of 4 hours I got 40 HITs completed. Foreigners need to really learn to talk a lot slower and enunciate before they decide they are suitable for educating others in English. Honestly, it feels like a scam to me. Thankfully, I was spared the extremely terrible HITs from yesterday with the worst audio quality, accent-heavy, rushed speech possible. Nonetheless, they seemed to be talking about potentially illegal information.

>> Sorry for such an unproductive blog today, but this is what I felt like talking about first.

>> I was wondering if there are any women on this website. Just a curiosity.

>> I feel really crappy today and I'm not quite sure. Lots of bad things happening around me so that kind of explains it. I can be very optimistic but some things are just too big to ignore and there are about three of those kinds of thoughts lurking around me right now.

>> Maybe later I'll think more about my goals as an eunuch more but I'm taking a break for today.

[Jhalemore (imported)]

Day#6: Thinking about the Antichrist

>> I was wondering, if the Antichrist became clearly real then would it be better for people to love them confidently rather than be led submissively?

>> Anyway, I have been a little busy doing things. Nothing really significant changes in my life. That's because I spend most of my life focusing on ideas outside of myself. My health is also good enough that I do not need to worry too much or be depressed.

>> I was wondering if I should identify as a Two-Spirit or Neutrois gender identity. Is Neutrois a gender? I guess it is. So I would be Neutrois in the future and am of Two-Spirit in my soul. Honestly, I don't believe in being Eunuch. I choose to be pure and throughout the history of Eunuchs, their definition usually appears impure. Additionally, people on here further demonstrate that they do not remove themselves very far from their original gender and pre-disposition to sexuality. Though, I guess I'm not so alone in wanting to have everything removed and not just my testicles it still feels like I'm an outcast wherever I go. I hear that people feel like outcasts because they feel above other people, but I do not feel alone here at least. There are few places like this for me.

>> I wish I had tea this morning. I've been putting organic butter in my tea and I think it is good and healthier than drinking regular tea which corrodes your teeth. Tibet is one of my favorite areas of the world and they drank butter tea all the time, but I actually thought up the idea for myself first.

[Jhalemore (imported)]

I'm finally starting to remember why I physically felt being castrated was right for me. One thing is that I do enjoy gaining weight and I might not have the ability to do so now. As a healthy male, I think I produce a lot more testosterone than I used to. My libido is in control, but I think that fat burns right off no matter what I eat. I actually lost weight while overeating foods that were heavy and should have resulted in some weight gain with the amount I ate.

>> But, the weight thing is just a smaller concern. My biggest concern is that I feel bad whenever my testosterone is being used for physical activity or extra energy. This feeling also signals to me when I am using my maleness to have an edge over women. I don't want to have gender-based advantages that give me extra strength or endurance because I feel like this prevents me from truly understanding my body and how to operate myself.

>> So there's all that in addition to what should already be known about me, that I wish to sacrifice the gift of birthing life for something greater. I'm trying to lead a successful enough life that I can finally get the surgery within 2 years. I just hope that surgery would not result in expected complication.