Pedophilia, interesting information

[tugon (imported)]

I found this very interesting. A story of a young man who knew he was attracted to children but is working hard not to offend. He is also helping others who are attracted to children not to offend. I am surprised that someone knew at such a young age that their desires were wrong. The good information is in the Pod cast provided in the link.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-19-year-ol ... ory?c=ufb1

This 19-Year-Old Pedophile Has Never Gone Near A Child. And He Needs You To Hear His Story.

"This American Life" decided to take on a REALLY hard topic: pedophilia. As a parent of two young kids, just hearing the word triggers a rage in me that I didn't even know I had. This is a hard episode to listen to, but it's really important that you do. Listen to it at work when you are bored at lunch, in your car, wherever. Just please hit "Play."

The definition of pedophilia is "a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children, generally age 11 years or younger."

Note how I emphasized "attraction." To be a pedophile, you don't have to act on your urges. Just thinking them is enough. Which makes sense. The thing is, though, this attraction can start manifesting in kids as young as 12 or 13. And they have no way to talk about these urges or how to prevent them from taking control of their lives without being considered a threat. Talk to a shrink? You risk being reported to the authorities. The scientific community is so afraid of the stigma attached to even researching pedophilia that it's barely been studied it at all. Which seems like kind of a bad idea if we want to prevent the victimization of more young children.

So a 19-year-old kid, an admitted pedophile who has never acted on his impulses, started an online support group. His mom is helping him find solutions. He needs you to hear this, for the sake of your own kids.

"This American Life" was expecting lots of hate mail for this episode. So far, they've received none. It's a really good look at a really hard issue. So please listen. Also, directly from Ira, "Though there's nothing graphic in this story at all, victims of child sexual abuse should consider this a trigger warning."

[moi621 (imported)]

My impression has been any discussion of children was off limits

and gets you shown the exit door.

Moi

[plix (imported)]

In response's to moi's comment, I see this thread as more of a discussion on pedophilia in general and one specific pedophile who is trying to avoid acting on his desires rather than a direct discussion on harming children. However, in the thread that I believe moi is referring to, the wording does seem to imply that in order to discuss pedophilia, the discussion has to be related to one's own castration desires, so from the wording in that post it is difficult to determine if a general pedophilia discussion (from an informational perspective rather than advocating for it) or a discussion of the relationship between pedophilia and castration in general (rather than one's own castration desires) would be permitted.

That being said, I think it is admirable that this man is working so hard not to act on his desires. I wonder if he is aware of castration as an option. At the end of the segment, the interviewer mentions there is "no clear plan" on how to help pedophiles avoid acting on their desires, and as far as I remember, there was no mention of castration anywhere in the session. That to me suggests that they either aren't aware of castration as a possible way to help or don't think it would be effective. People seem to want pedophiles to be castrated after they have offended, but few seem to discuss it as a preventative option. This suggests that in the eyes of the general public, castration of offending pedophiles is more about punishment and revenge rather than preventing further harm.

[tugon (imported)]

Plix, I too was surprised that chemical castration and treatment were not suggested. We have had a few members that also wanted to reduce their drive when they thought they might offend. I think they received some good advice on the EA. I also felt the information of the pod cast could give help to those struggling with the same desires.

I have not read a lot about pedophiles but most have been after they have offended and facing punishment. I had no idea the desires manifested in one so young. I was surprised what caused moral upset in the young man. Again always thinking that pedophiles have no sense of guilt or remorse. Of course I knew that was not completely correct due to one's seeking castration to keep or stop offending.

One other aspect was that more seems to be done to treat offenders than is done to prevent. Of course I can only imagine how brave that young man had to be to reveal himself.

[Slammr (imported)]

A few years back, we had a young member that, after using some brass knuckles in a fight, was sent to prison in California when he was about 16. He said he was raped and sexually abused, while in prison, because they knew he was gay and probably because he was young. Some of the abuse, he claimed, came from the guards.

Before going to prison, he often had sex with his best friend, a kid his age. They started jacking each other off when they were thirteen, and he eventually started blowing his friend, while his friend jacked him off. His friend never reciprocated with blowjobs. That friend later married and has kids.

He claimed to have known he was gay at a young age, but it was something he had to hide from his parents, because they would have never accepted his being gay. I think they have cut him out of their lives, and he was their only child.

When he got out of prison, he found that he was sexually aroused by younger boys, not prepubescent kids, but younger, teenage, boys. Afraid that he would act on his urges and get sent back to prison, he had himself castrated by Kimmel.

I haven't heard from him in years, but the last time I did, he seemed to be doing okay.

[penisreduction (imported)]

So this seems to be the appropriate place to post this.

Once, a very long time ago when I was a teenager I did some very bad things to some very vulnerable innocent people. I will spare you the details. Imagine the worst and it probably will come close to what I did. Suffice it to say I was caught. I was arrested, charged, tried, convicted and sentenced. I was 17. I felt absolutely nothing. I used the excuse that I since I had been abused I was entitled to return humanity the favor. I was astonished that I only got three years. I was further astonished that I was released early for good behavior after serving only 9 months. I guess they needed more room for drug dealers. I felt like I had gotten away pretty easy and got cocky and did it again and this time even worse and again I will spare you the details. So this time I got caught again, arrested, charged, convicted, sentenced to 10 years. A month after I arrived in prison and expecting to not see freedom again until I was nearly 30, I was let go on a technicality.

I felt invulnerable and was planning my next crime. Then as it happened, I bumped into one of my original victims and their mother at a playground. Ironically, I was just taking a shortcut to work and had not given the playground or it's users a second thought. I heard my name called out and there they were and the mother flew into a rage. She was pure fury personified and was out for blood. She stood there and screamed at me calling me monster and every wretched name I deserved. I looked down at her child who stood behind her frightened. I saw the look in that dear sweet child's eyes and the combination of that look and the way her mother was screaming at me and pointing out to every mother there at the playground all my crimes (leaving out the ones she didn't know about) made something snap in my. At that exact moment I felt my first twinge of sincere guilt.

I had never felt guilt before over any of this. To me, the world owed me. But at that moment I became conscious of the fact that I had done what had been done to me and I remembered the fear I had felt as a child. My stomach turned at the memory and I dropped to my knees and vomited. I looked around into the eyes of the mother's and in particular the mother of one of my victims and I could feel the seething hatred burning through my soul. The hatred that I deserved and through those pains of guilt twisted into hatred I needed to feel.

I pulled myself together and got up and said I was sorry. She said I should be sorry my mother didn't abort me. I agreed with the sentiment. So I slithered off to look for a rock to climb under and contemplate some form of suicide that would not inconvenience anyone too much. Coward that I was I abandoned that particular quest.

A few days later I was lying awake in bed unable to sleep and thinking back a few days to the above encounter and I became aroused. Not by the children But by the mother's reaction. It then took the next few years to figure out that I had on that day developed a sort of guilt fetish. But since it was guilt driven I didn't want to just ask some woman out on a date and ask her to come home with me so I could confess my evil ways and listen to her tell me what she really thought of my while I beat off. Besides the fact that I am pretty sure any normal woman would be made too uncomfortable by such a thing (at best) I really wasn't sure that was the best way to get fulfillment. It is a shame I had learned about this side of me AFTER I had committed crimes. If I had known at 17 what I know now I would have skipped over actually committing any crimes and gone down to the local cop shop and contrived a confession just to see the look of hate and disgust in their eyes and hope to get a female judge (hopefully one who had been a victim herself) and confess to her praying she was in a foul mood. Of course this never happened.

What I did instead was get counseling (I bet you though this was going elsewhere didn't you?). I saw a total of three different professionals over the course of 10 years and it all boils down to two things. I grew a conscious a bit too late in the game and concluded I never really and truly got my due punishment and secondly, as a coping mechanism and defensive reaction, I developed a confession/punishment fetish. So after ten years of counceling I concluded that I wasn't going to learn any more about myself nor accomplish anything else. Believe it or not I completely lost any interest in doing anything bad to children ever again. Now the thought of anything I did I find as revolting as any normal person would. But I still want to hear a young mother berate me and accuse me of the most vile evil acts just so I can confess them to her and receive my punishment. So, the natural course of action was to me, to hire a dominatrix. So for the following dozen or so years I periodically hired various women to confess to. They would take the role of a young mother then "punish" me. Over the years the punishments have become more extreme as my pain threshold rose and I became somewhat jaded. I still crave for a more authentic experience, perhaps standing before a real female judge as I said before and she orders me stripped naked and whipped into oblivion. Lately I have discovered some videos on the internet of Islamic justice for people like me. They usually involve the cutting off of the offending body part, namely genitals. Either the penis or balls or sometimes both are hacked off with some sharp instrument. Which brings me to why I posted this here (I bet you thought I would never get to the part of why this ought to be posted on this web site)

I know that many people come here for many reasons. But it all boils down to something being done to male genitals that the average person would not want to experience whether it is voluntary or involuntary. More and more over the last few years I have come to the conclusion that I will never be truly punished in a way that fits my crimes until I have my penis properly removed. My reason of course is as I have explained. It is a combination of the ultimate fulfillment of my need for a proper punishment combined with the ultimate erotic thrill. I know that second reason will only occur once. To me, hell is a band of jolly demons (female) shredding my groin over and over throughout eternity. To me, heaven is a band of vengeful angels shredding my groin over and over throughout eternity. Yes I know I am sick, I got tested and they told me I was sick. Of course none of them could agree on exactly what to call what I have. The only thing I know is that the only treatment is punishment.

Yes I know I could go find a nice police officer and confess my heart out inventing some imaginary victim (in some states a confession is all that is needed for a conviction) and get myself a nice long sentence somewhere dark. I know I could then ask to be put in general population and go around suggesting bad things I would do to the children of my fellow inmates so that I might expedite my eternal punishment but as I said above, I am too much of a coward for any of that sort of thing.

At one point I entertained the thought of hiring some neighborhood kids to play a creative game of doctor supplying them with the sharp instruments they would need for their dissecting lessons with me as the specimen. but thought better of it. the only thing worse than stealing a child's innocence is turning them into a psychotic monster. I naively thought a child might wish to participate in punishing a monster but then realized that it was just my wanting to exploit an innocent in a different way. Once, just once, a couple of years ago, I was sitting in a public park innocently photographing nature. No it was not what you are thinking. I really do have an artistic interest in nature photography not involving human subjects. Anyway I was so engrossed in focusing in on a bird in a tree that I didn't notice the young lady sneaking up on me. My butt was hanging on the edge of the bench and my knees were apart to steady myself so I could close the aperture a bit and all of a sudden I felt an explosion of intense agony in my gonads. I regained consciousness just in time to see a girl of about 12 running away in the distance giggling hysterically. As best as I could figure they were playing some updated version of truth or dare. I looked up into the heavens and gave a prayer of thanks. I so wanted her to come back and finish the job but alas I was not so blessed. That was the one and only time I had any contact with anyone under 18 in years (I deliberately avoid contact with children and have so for a couple of decades). In a perfect world, underage victims of child abuse would be permitted, if they wanted to, to participate in the punishment of their tormentors. I believe the tormentors ought to be the tormented starting with me.

OK so it is far too late to make this long story short. For those wondering why this is not in the fiction section, it is because this is all true.

I would be interested in learning if there are other people like me who have done bad things, grew a conscious too late, sought out proper punishment only to acquire a fetish for said punishment along the way. In a sense, it's frustrating when you are trying to rid yourself of guilt by seeking out punishment only to find you enjoy the punishment more than you did committing the crime rendering the punishment void since it can't be real punishment if you enjoy it. That is of course what most of you reading this are thinking are right and I totally agree. But every time I seek out punishment of any kind it just gets rolled into my punishment fetish canceling itself out as punishment. Comments?

[tugon (imported)]

Penisreduction your post is not what the thread was about. We are discussing non offenders and how they struggle with their desires.

I was also troubled by your justification of your actions. Almost bragging that you received reduced sentences. Then sharing how your history has morphed into new fantasies. I think any child victim would be harmed by your post.

If I am reading you wrong my apologies. As a child victim myself I found your story upsetting.

[Paolo]

I have to agree with Tugon, for this thread, it's an inappropriate post.

I think you would have done better to post it on Introductions.

[A-1 (imported)]

...

Before going to prison, he often had sex with his best friend, a kid his age. They started jacking each other off when they were thirteen, and he eventually started blowing his friend, while his friend jacked him off. His friend never reciprocated with blowjobs. That friend later married and has kids...

So now is the 'friend' Straight, Bi-Sexual or Gay?

Inquiring minds want to hear you guy's opinions about this question with your apologetics...