Porn, libido control and castration

[SplitDik (imported)]

As some of you know, I'm the type of eunuch-wannabe motivated toward castration due to my over-active libido. I am now in fairly good control of my libido, thanks to the SSRI drug Celexa. However, I still have a large collection of high-quality porn which I collected over the years (spent in sweaty masturbation at 3 in the morning downloading on my computer). Although I am in control of my libido currently, I am still proud of my porn collection and cannot bring myself to get rid of it.

So I would like to ask other members: How has porn affected your lives? Has compulsive porn viewing been a factor in your castration desire? I personally have resented the power that sexual images have had over me for so long.

I am also temporarily (for maybe a month) sharing my porn collection. You can download directly from my harddrive at http://www.agilroyfiles.gotdns.com/pornshare/

Note that there is explicit nudity (women and women-on-women) but it is all high-quality: good looking women, non demeaning, high resolution.

Let me know what you think.

SD

[thefraj (imported)]

Well, I can totally relate to your situation SplitDik! This was my main reason for castration too.

How has the situation changed after? Well, the must have compulsion is no longer there. But ... heh ... a beautiful woman, is a beautiful woman, right?

So, if you feel in control of your situation now - great. Just be careful you don't fool yourself into thinking this is your only reason. Like I did.

And - heh - okay ... here comes the nagging be careful. Your on SSRI now, and I must say that castration will only serve to compound many of these problems.

If your anything like I was, you'll probably still have the strong desire to be castrated, even if you are in control of your libido. So I can understand.

Take care.

[SplitDik (imported)]

Fraj,

Your response is exactly the angle I wanted to discuss.

For me castration has been an obsession for 20 years. It is seriously ingrained. However, psychoanalysis (both mine and professional opinion) is that my castration desire came from a frustration with lack of control (over my physical responses and my actions).

In other words, I resent the fact that the presence of a beautiful woman causes me to become shaky, get a hard-on, have my mind go blank, and I resent the fact that I became addicted to the physical sexual rush to the point where I would endanger myself and commit pseudo-criminal acts, and I resent the fact that women get to chose when and how I could get my sexual urges satisfied.

I am glad that my frustration turned on myself (otherwise I would have hurt women) and I am glad that I was only aroused by mature women (and did not become a pedophile). However, my castration desire is based largely on my desire to be free of the control my libido and the presence of women had on me.

Celexa has helped in two very important ways:

1) It has virtually eliminated the physical response to sexual images and fantasy. I no longer feel shaky, no nervous feeling in my gut, no sweaty palms, no rapid breathing, etc.

2) It allows me better censorship of my impulses. For example, whenever I see a door, I still have an urge to crush my balls in it. However, with Celexa I can dismiss the urge quickly -- previously I would have fantasized about it until I acted in some what to hurt my testicles.

So you are right that the obsession is still playing itself out, giving me urges. However, those urges are much easier to dismiss now, and no longer because physical responses. It has made all the difference.

My long term plan/hope is that the urges themselves will fade if they are not reinforced. If I no longer get a rush from thinking about crushing my balls, then I assume that (over time) those thoughts will fade from my consciousness.

The main challenge is that I built this obsession over 20 years, so I believe it may take another 20 years for it to fade completely. There is no quick fix, but currently I am fairly confident that things have improved and are continuing to do so.

[Blaise (imported)]

after I saw some bondage porn. Fortunately, my wife liked bondage even better than I did. My bald fetish came before I ever saw any bald porn. If it turns me on, it turns me on. If not, it often amused me! Some of it turns me off.

[thefraj (imported)]

SplitDik, my friend ... you're in EXACTLY the position I was two years ago.

Run with it! Try to overcome this fixation! I managed to go a whole year with minimal thoughts of castration and self-harm. But after a fashion, I came to the conclusion that it "Just wasn't me".

And I can TOTALLY relate to your situation! Both my psychotherapist and I identified this *resentment* towards being 'controlled' by my libido. So far as I can see this ... it boils down to TWO factors:

Its 'normal' for a male to feel the urges we feel when aroused

we don't like being aroused against our will

The question is ... which is wrong? Our WILL? or our URGE? This is your path my friend. I pray that you can find peace without requiring surgery; Now I'm not saying "Don't make the mistake I did" ... I'm just suggesting that if you can resolve this without cutting your body ... GREAT!

I don't think it needs to be said that hormones only play a small role in sexual attraction ... so cutting is not the end of all problems.

Sorry if this is perhaps too personal - but you seem so much like myself I just HAVE to ask - do you feel an adrenaline rush, when you DO think about hurting yourself in some way?

And which do you think of first : The sex or the harm?

Anyhow ... stay cool buddy and whatever the outcome ... keep in touch!

[sag111 (imported)]

SPLITDIK i can also relate to your prodlem i also had a desire to destroy my manhod because of over actave libido .Pron has always been a problem and like you i had this addection for many years. I am curentaly on paxil and depo provera witch has stoped all cravings for sex and i will probley be on thies meds for the rest of my life.Good luck on your jurney.