Bush plans to attack Norway!

[Andrew (imported)]

NORWAY NEXT ON BUSH'S LIST

Here's the latest news out of Washington ...

The Bush administration announced today it will seek congressional

approval and United Nations backing for a preemptive attack on Norway.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told reporters the CIA has learned

that Norway has been stockpiling a weapon of mass destruction, a

mysterious substance called "lutefisk."

"As we understand it, Norway has been preparing this material in barrels

filled with lye and storing it in stockpiles throughout the country both

in urban and rural settings," said Condoleeza "Wild" Rice, national

security adviser.

Secretary of State Colin Powell said President Bush will address the

United Nations next week, laying down conditions that must be met by the

Scandinavian country to avoid a preemptive attack, possibly before the

Christmas holidays.

"This is simply an extension of the Bush Doctrine, in which it is the

policy of the U.S. to identify threats around the globe and get them

before they get us," Powell said.

Lutefisk is a substance virtually unheard of in Washington and on the

Eastern Seaboard, but is said to be common in certain parts of the

Midwest. The FBI branch office in Minneapolis has been alerted to watch

for signs of lutefisk production in that region.

In Oslo, Norwegian Foreign Minister Trigve Trondheim was defiant upon

hearing of the threatened attack by the United States unless Norway

agrees to allow U.N. inspectors free reign throughout the country.

"There is certainly no need to allow inspectors into King Harald's

palace or country estates," Trondheim asserted. "Why would we hide

lutefisk there?" he asked, shifting his eyes.

Experts on the substance disagree on its volatility but most admit it

can have widespread deleterious effects on entire populations exposed to

it. The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta acknowledged it is

"playing catch-up ball" where lutefisk is concerned, but CDA director

Dr. Ralph Macabre warned that any substance stored in lye should be

regarded as extremely dangerous.

In a brief statement yesterday in the White House Rose Garden, President

George W. Bush asserted that the United States will never stand idly by

when substances of potential mass destruction are being produced

anywhere. "These evildoers are bent on infecting the entire U.S.

population with this dangerous substance," the president said. "Unless

United Nations inspectors are allowed to determine the extent of

lutefisk production in Norway, it is my duty as commander-in-chief of

the armed forces to send our brave servicemen and women to Norway to

root out sources of lutefisk and destroy them."

Bush said any attack must take place before the Christmas holiday season

"when the threat is greatest." U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan, when

asked about the peril, said, "Where's Norway?"

Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle of South Dakota noted he is from a

part of the country where lutefisk infestations have broken out in the

past, often in December. "We've got to act fast," Daschle told

reporters, "or millions of Americans could suffer."

Meanwhile, the government was preparing to upgrade its fruitcake warning

to code orange. Film at 10.

....Taken from the Duluth News Tribune 10/6/02 by Jim Heffernan

*****

[peanut525 (imported)]

i agee - norway has been a pain in the ass for years -

who in the hell do those snow balls think they are -

it is about time we bomb them back to the dark ages -

right after norway we will kick the shit out of denmark -

let go army, navy, marines, air force, coast guard --

and lets not forget our 2 face neighbors to the north

---- we have to deal with canada also--

AUGUST

[Blaise (imported)]

Norway, my hind foot. Sweden is the source of all those movies! And those tall, blond women!

[Blaise (imported)]

Of course, it's obvious!

Image: Possible terrorist training camp to be investigated by international inspectors. :tongueout

[Pueros]

The USA should beware of Norway because the country’s people are renowned fighters & could acquire unexpected allies.

For example, I understand that, after the coup of 1999/2000 that saw King George II usurp the White House to restore monarchal rule with the help of Prince Jeb, next in line to the throne, and royalist infiltrators in the Supreme Court (now more properly the Court of King George), Grenada seriously considered reciprocating the aid afforded to it under Reagan’s administration by invading the USA to restore democracy. Unfortunately, the islanders could not afford military uniforms or weaponry or a seaworthy boat to send the invasion force. However, if Norway & Grenada allied, I think that the American East Coast should prepare to defend itself against an invasion by a mixed force of Scandinavians and Caribbeans, arriving in Viking longships, wearing horned helmets & bearing swords, axes & the dreaded lutefisk.

Their aim, as well as to depose the despicable aggressive royalist tyranny & to indulge in the usual Viking pastimes of raping & pillaging, will be to introduce whale meat, ski-jumping, reggae & cricket to their proper status in American society.

I’m sure that the undoubtedly successful lutefisk-armed conquerors will subsequently be able to encourage members of Congress, to be renamed the ‘New Storting’, to facilitate such changes, as well as to discover unexpected Scandinavian and/or Caribbean ancestral roots.

The nation itself will, of course, be renamed ‘the United States of Leif Ericsson’, who arrived on the continent more than 300 years before Amerigo Vespucci.

Meanwhile, a bit like Napoleon & Elba, King George would be sent in exile to rule the remote Arctic Svalbard Islands (population a few thousand), even though they might still be beyond his true capabilities.

PUEROS

[happousai (imported)]

Is this meant to be a joke?

[Blaise (imported)]

The world is too dangerous a place for joking about the Nordic Axis of Ice and Fire. Think about it: Iceland, Finland, Japan, and Hawaii circle the globe.

How do we defend ourselves against such weapons?

[Mac (imported)]

How do we defend ourselves against such

Weapons?Those are some powerful weapons but I have never had to defend against any of them. I have never been attacked by any.

[Blaise (imported)]

I got my last attack back well before the turn of the century.

[Pueros]

In answer to happousai's question, I quote Aristotle who said:-

‘Humour is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humour; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.’

PUEROS