ballsontheline2000 Chemical Castration Journey

[ballsontheline (imported)]

The estrogen has changed the way I think. I do feel like I am becoming more and more feminine each day. I have thought about trying on a pair of panties, a bra and some stockings. When my balls are removed my days as a male will end and my start as a eunuch will begin. The changes are real and dynamic.

[ballsontheline (imported)]

Hash,

I have thought a lot about your post. I have let every word soak into my brain and my thoughts have yeilded some additional comments. It is becomming more and more difficult each day to get an erection. When I do make the effort, I am successful at obtaining it less than 25 percent of the time. The reality of a brain that does not have very many sexual thoughts is quite a contrast from a year ago when all I could think of was sex, jerking off and getting off. It doesn't help that during the course of this past year as I have taken the drugs, I have gained 30 pounds. As I thought about all the changes in my body, I had to admit that each of them is an indicator that I am castrated. When all of them are viewed together, there can be no other conclusion. My wife still wants sex and as I have said before, I cannot satisfy her. The thought of my inability to satisfy my wife really turns me on. When I feel the frustration and then experience the failure to please her, it turns me on.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

I thought perhaps I'd throw a few pennies into this conversation...About 7-8 months ago Istarted on a course very similar to ballsontheline. I was prescribed finasteride by my urologist...and I had the same weird retro orgasms as has been mentioned here...Dull, just barely pleasant orgasms..After some contemplation, I decided to go the chem. castration rout with , initially 100 mgs daily of spiro and 4 mgs daily of Estrofem, from inhouse Pharmacy. I take a med for high blood pressure and the combo of it and the spiro made me light headed(very low BP?)..So I reduced the spiro to 50 mgs daily and am stable...Still 4 mgs daily of Estrofem...I have little fat titties and softer skin...and NO erections....Even when I play with my little peepee I get little reaction...I guess I' a Chemical eunuch, too...Loving it...(thinking about castration too) Jackie

[Hash (imported)]

ballsontheline,

Are you concerned that your inability to satisfy your wife might cause her to leave you? If that's the case, you might need to introduce some testosterone supplement, just a little would enable you to get an erection. However, if you're not concerned, you might continue using estrogen. Estrogen will feminize you further and you might be able to experience sex from the other side someday soon. As your wife is looking for satisfaction, the addition of more estrogen or progesterone may motivate you to satisfy your wife and yourself though not by intercourse. As women often enjoy the cuddling, closeness, slow rubbing of the genital area, so might you. You might actually obtain a female like orgasm.

Here's an example of what I mean, this MtF started using estrogen and here's what he said:

Alright, so I'm not sure how much of this I'm allowed to post, I've tried making sure it's okay though.

Before I began HRT, I was very horny all the time. Testosterone definitely made me horny. Then I started on Spironolactone (anti-androgen) and Estrodiol (generic estrogen). The dosages are of course dependent on your body. Within the first couple months I lost my sex drive completely... I was even almost repulsed by sex.

Later on, I started Progesterone and gained some of my sex drive back, but medically speaking didn't gain any significant breast growth, the only growth that I had was in the mood department. I got happier and angrier much more easily, which never felt good in any way.

Now comes the significant part: orgasms.

When I first began HRT, the only way orgams changed was that they were less... but since I began depo-estrodiol (injections of estrogen), orgasms have become so intense to the point where I can barely keep myself from crying out in ecstasy! I'm not sure why it is, but my orgasms have changed in such a way that they have become so intense that it's hard to keep quiet! I've tried to figure out if it's just the difference between male and female orgasm, but it's hard to say at this point. Even my nipples are so sensitive that they can orgasm (which believe it or not is actually kind of irritating). I wish that pills were the ones that caused ecstasy. http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=103759.0

Gravity Girl wrote: I ended up catergorising my pre-op orgasms. There were the decidedly male ones which were extremely Meh…same as always really, then there were combi orgasms which I thought were quite intense until i experienced a full blown female orgasm which left my eyes rolled back in the head, pelvic floor muscles spasming and me completely blissed out for at least 20 minutes (it didn't last that long…but that's how long I was in a very euphoric state for).

[kiwieunuch (imported)]

I got surgically castrated by a good friend in a hot scene in the South Island of New Zealand. The only regret I have that being castrated was something I should have had the balls ( no pun intended) 40 years ago !

[ballsontheline (imported)]

I have continued to use estrofem in addition to Depo Provera and Androcur. The combination has stopped my male desires completely. However, I am experiencing an intense desire to orgasm from the frequent female hormone infusion. My wife has seen and now rubs my enlarged breasts. My nipples are erect and sensitive. I can no longer get an erection hard enough to thrust into my wife either on top or with her topping me. This has transformed our relationship completely. There are times when I need to orgasm so intesely that I go into my office and jerk my limp cock to orgasm. The only way I can get to orgasm is with an anal toy or with poppers. I have been showering naked with my wife. She has a very low sex drive and only has sex with me to let me get off. She rarely gets to the point of total release. I think that if I could get a firm hard on she would be able to get off. It makes me wish that I could get my little, shrinking penis to full erection. When she does get me off she jerks me first. Then she puts a small aneros progasm into my ass to massage my prostate. When I get close to orgasm, I ask her for the "big one". This is a huge dildo that is 12X6. It enters me and then massages my prostate. When she twists it around and around, it makes me crazy. I know that she needs a real cock to fill her and make her orgasm. I wish that I was that man. I am afraid that she will leave me because of my tiny dick.

[ballsontheline (imported)]

I am taking a Depo shot twice a month. The injections have taken away my manhood. I am literally chemically castrated. My balls are attached to my body but they no longer function. While my cock and balls shrink, my tits are getting bigger and more sensitive. Lately, my wife has been helping me to reach orgasm with a large anal probe and real attention to my sensitive nipples. I am so turned on by taking a more submissive role in our relationship. I am giving her all the attention she wants. She rarely orgasms but still wants to be with me and works hard to satisfy me. I need to tell her that I am chemically castrating myself and have finally reached a point where I no longer feel male. It is a strange feeling. I am feeling more and more feminine as each day passes.

[tiny3inctim (imported)]

ballsontheline, I am late to this thread, but I want to thank you for your writing and thoughts. My experience with chemical castration mimics yours but the results are somewhat different. When I am on Androcur (with a combination of low-dose finasteride and tamoxifen) I loose all libido which is the desired result, yet I seem to minimize the feminizing effects. I work hard to maintain muscle mass and minimize weight gain. I feel happy about the results and do not wish to return.

[ballsontheline (imported)]

I continue my journey as I write this post. I continue the Depo, the Cypertone and the Estrofem. They are changing me in real ways. I am not the same person that posted the first time. I have changed in real and dramatic ways. I am afraid that my wife is going to leave me unless I let her know why I can never get it up.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Complete silence to your wife is, in my opinion, inviting disaster. I think it would be better to give her enough information so that she can deal with your situation. At this late stage the results of confiding in her may not be what you desire. I expect her feelings will be hurt that you have not been open with her, but not facing up to something this important can only be worse. I wish you well. --FLO--