Transward, I really do appreciate the support, and the attempt to make me feel better.
But by this point, I believe that there is little doubt left that this mood swing is indeed a T recovery. You're 100% right, I didn't know what it was for several days. I thought it was just my moods going up and down. It was only by looking at the long-term pattern, and started looking at the continuous symptoms, that I started to realize what was going on.
If this was just a few days, I would understand how it could be seen as overreacting. But I believe that the pattern is completely unmistakable. It has now been EIGHT days since I've felt feminine, and felt that same sense of mental calm that I had for what was close to a month straight while I was still on Androcur. And you're 100% right, this change did happen like a stock-market fluctuation. On the way up, it was a slow steady climb, with a lot of setbacks along the way. My moods were seriously up and down for the first month and a half, before they finally evened out. And even then, I absolutely did still backtrack on a couple of random days for no good reason, but the overall trend was indeed still up. Well, now the overall trend has NOT been up anymore, it has been down. I started out this prescription dosage not feeling masculine every day, and still having streaks of some good days. But the overall trend has been down. Every time I have these depressive bouts now, and these masculine feelings, the duration keeps getting longer and longer, and the feeling keeps getting worse and worse, with every single downswing.
And right now, there really are some obvious external signs that I'm fighting with T... not just the moods. First of all, my metabolism has clearly gone way back up. Again, I had THREE junk days last week. And yet I still lost 3 lbs. It used to take a good 3 or 4 days of being strict on the diet before I'd lose the weight back from ONE junk day. And I'm feeling warmer again. I've been back to sweating in my work uniform on a daily basis instead of shivering. The muscle fatigue that I was experiencing for so long after work because of muscle atrophy has gone away. Physically, even after staying overtime twice in a row, physically I felt absolutely fine. Breast soreness has significantly diminished. Last week, I couldn't even run because they were getting so sore that any sort of bouncing hurt, and applying any sort of pressure hurt a LOT. Yesterday, I actually hit myself right in the boob to test the level of soreness, and it barely hurt at all. My skin has become more oily and grimy again, (and that is actually why I reported that for some reason my face looked different. It wasn't the shape that was different, it was the skin texture, and the oiliness coming back. That's why it suddenly looked masculine again.) My hair has also regained its oiliness. I'm having to wash it more often because it gets clumpy and rigid due to natural oiliness, where a month ago I was consistently going 3 full days without washing it and it STILL looked great! Also, For the past 2 weeks, I had been feeling this strange pain in my hips, like the tendons and ligaments were trying to change configuration or something. That is completely gone now.
So again, I appreciate the support, but this isn't just some minor hormonal flux that will go away, and isn't just a small little blip in the radar before it will start going back up again. This really is a case of the trend having reversed, and it's been going down and down and down ever since I switched to this current prescription.
(Side note: I am feeling better today so far. And despite all of this negativity that I am reporting, I do not think that my T levels have recovered fully, nor are they going to. Because I am still able to feel this sense of mental calmness from time to time. It's just
nd there are tha
NOT come back. I am still not getting spontaneous erections, I haven't regrown any body hair, and the shape of my body has not changed whatsoever, it is still very much feminine. (Nor will it have time to. That would take MUCH longer.) So really what I believe is going on here is just a moderate temporary T-level recovery, enough to remind me how s***ty it feels, but not quite enough to reverse any of the significant changes that have occurred already. And as long as I get it fixed soon, I don't have anything to worry about in that regard. I just have to get over the mental challenge.)
In a way, I guess that I'm glad that this is happening, because it is once again giving me a little taste of what my old life was like, reminding me of exactly what I was so desperate
it is DEFINITELY making my convictions to transition much stronger. An
he time being,
ing to remember. Because it's probably the last time that I'm EVER going to feel this masculine "dull gray drear" mindset again. So remembering what it's like, and remembering this little taste of the life that I came from in the first place, will be very important once I start getting used to the feeling of mental clarity again, reminding me of why I can't ever go back there, despite any doubts that I might be having.
