Cheetaking243's Official Hormone Trial!

[Wolf-Pup (imported)]

Holy crap! I didn't even know that such a thing as informed-consent clinics even existed! Well, that's an encouraging sign for sure. Maybe I can just go the "normal" route after all. Thanks a lot for giving me the terminology I needed to find out about these places. (And I have found one that is at least reasonably within my area, about 2 hours to the south, in Columbus. Plus it had a VERY encouraging testimonial.)

Thank you so much!

I would have mentioned it earlier but didn't realize you didn't know about them. Then again EA isn't really what I consider a TG site as much as dedicated TG websites.

BTW, did you see the private message I sent you last week?

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

I would have mentioned it earlier but didn't realize you didn't know about them. Then again EA isn't really what I consider a TG site as much as dedicated TG websites.

BTW, did you see the private message I sent you last week?

Yes I did. Sorry, I was in the process of writing a reply at some point, but then got distracted, forgot about it, and then the message got buried by a bunch of other ones so I never remembered to finish it. Allow me to remedy that. (Sorry, I'm usually really good about replying to PMs. I try to reply to every single message that everyone sends me.)

[Mac (imported)]

Cheetaking

Still looking forward to future chapters in "My Life as a Girl".

Keep us posted.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Cheetaking

Still looking forward to future chapters in "My Life as a Girl".

Keep us posted.

Needless to say, I've been a wee bit distracted of late... I haven't really done any work on any of my stories ever since I decided to go on HRT just over a month ago. I'll get back to them eventually, but right now I'm a bit more occupied with becoming a girl in real life rather than becoming one in a world that only exists in the words on my computer screen.

One thing's for sure, though, these stories will definitely take on a whole new significance once I do pick them back up.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG, DAY

TWENTY-SEVEN:

I'm happy to report, today was a completely uneventful day. I was in the calm, controlled, pleasant "chem-castration" mood all day, and as such I'll be able to keep this short.

The most interesting development that happened today is just in relation to my home life in "girl mode." I'm SERIOUSLY feeling like it's time to start taking it out into the real world. This morning, I was taking pictures of myself from every single angle, trying to see better exactly what parts of myself work as feminine and which ones don't. And honestly, I really think I might be able to pass as a tall athletic girl. The only thing that is really holding me back physically is my big arms and neck. But I don't know. Everywhere that I was looking today, I saw women who had features that were just as masculine as mine, if not moreso. There was this woman that I saw on TV who had really big shoulders, a masculine face, and bushy eyebrows, and yet I didn't doubt for one second that she was really a woman (mainly because of her voice.) So I'm really starting to stop and logically think about this. What is it that I'm going to need to do before I'll be able to feel comfortable going out as a girl? Well, after thinking, here's my short list. There are exactly three things that I believe I need to find a way to get over first. One, beard shadow. I don't have a lot of it, but I probably would still need to cover it up with makeup before feeling comfortable, and let's face it, I don't know a damned thing about makeup. (I need to watch the makeup video that came with my gender voice course. I'm afraid that if I do something wrong, though, I'll de-emphasize the parts of my face that make me look feminine in the wig in the first place.) And speaking of voice, secondly, I need to work on my voice. (This is the biggest thing that I need.) I still haven't even started working on it. And although I can make it sound somewhat feminine, it's just not natural yet, and there's still a lot of little vocal quirks that still come across as masculine, so I'm not confident enough in that yet. And while I am a little concerned about my big neck and arms, I do think that it wouldn't be too big of a deal as long as I have the voice down. No, I don't look very feminine yet, but I feel like I'm close enough to androgynous, especially in the face, that I should be able to act like a girl without raising too many eyebrows as long as I have the voice down.

So, yeah. What really got me thinking about this today was just when I took the wig off in order to go shopping out in the "real world," and suddenly it really just didn't even look right to me to have short hair again. Like my face just didn't look right anymore without it. It's really weird, my new personal identity really has already shifted to myself in "girl mode." It looks weird to me when I'm not in it anymore. And you know, suddenly a gender transition really doesn't feel like that big of a deal anymore. It just means getting to stay in that mode all the time. So big deal... it just means me being myself.

It's been several days of this now, so as of tonight I am officially getting serious about preparing for a real-life transition. I'm going to start working on my voice tonight, and I'm going to at least attempt to educate my completely-clueless self about basic makeup so that I can finally take this female self out into the real world. (NEVER liked makeup, nor was e

ven remotely interested in it. Wh

en I watch videos like this, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQxOkald3lc) my reaction is usually along the lines of "is all that stuff really necessary?") Yeah, whatever, mainly I'll be working on the voice. If I can get that down, none of the rest of it will really matter. And I'm a lifelong singer in high registers, so I'm really optimistic about my chances of getting a good female voice down.

Only other things that happened today were that I called Inhouse to report the 3-week delivery delay, and they did report that there's been a bit of a backup with American deliveries lately, so give it another 2 or 3 days before giving up. And I also had a really nice talk with my aunt Patty, the family member

that I was the most concerned about

in regards to accepting me, and when she asked me what was up between me and Jenny, although I didn't just come out and say what was going on, (I haven't even told Dad yet, and I would like to tell him first,) I did say that Jenny jokingly said that she feels more like I'm her gay best friend instead of a boyfriend. Patty laughed, said "well, you're not, are you?" And I also laughed, saying "no." Then she added "If you were, though, that would be okay. As long as it makes you happy." So yet again, I really was being scared of absolutely nothing. I seriously could not have asked for a more caring and accepting family.

So, yeah. Uneventful day, I feel good, I'm feeling more feminine than the last few days, (although still significantly less than when I was still on E,) I'm absolutely LOVING being able to live in "girl mode" at home all the time, and that impatient angry mood is nowhere to be found. (Thank God.)

Till tomorrow!

-Carrie

(❁´◡`❁)

(Side note: Jenny just told me that it's time to get a bed of my own, and move into the empty room next to our current shared bedroom, because she "feels like a lesbian." Hehe... she never really cared before, so I'll actually take this as a big compliment that says that my "girl mode" really is having the desired physical effect. She really isn't seeing me as a guy anymore.)

Now quit reading this entry and watch some FOOTBALL!!! :p

[Mac (imported)]

Cheetaking,

I think most makeup looks rediculous even on women. Most women look better without it.

[foxytaur (imported)]

make up actually ruins the skin. Makes it sag over time. Just go natural. Wash with green tea.

Need I say more. Get supplements. Anti oxidants( both fat soluble and water slouble variety) coupled with a healthy diet.

Shit like lancome, christian dior, MAC and georgio armani are all synthetic products that are poison to the skin.

If you read the label carefully it specifically tells you to wash super throughly before bedtime.

These products actually mask the problem of old age . they dont fix them. They clog pores , worsen acne and worsen wrinkles.

Nb= Fun fact. Make-up is more expensive than dietary supplements

lately im interested in oil of argan + a nat skin product called idrotherapy.

Idrotherapy is supposed to halt telomere shortening on skin cells to an extent.

Add some krill oil + Astaxanin(protects against UV light) and your set.

Usual vitamin mix to take is Zinc, magnesium, B12, D and eat your greens nuff said

STAY AWAY FROM THE SUN!!!!!. I find girls who tan are in for a disaster when wrinkles set in.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

So, what should I do about my beard/mustache shadow then? I really wasn't expecting to be looking into laser hair removal this soon, even though I've always wanted it. I was kind of hoping to at least be able to try my "girl mode" out in the real world first. (And again, that's the main reason that I was talking about makeup... again, I really don't like the stuff either. I think things like eyeliner, shadow, eyebrow pencils, and lip liner actually make most people look completely stupid.)

And no worries, Foxy, I know full well that tanning is bad. I have indeed gotten a few sunburns in my life, but I usually only get significant sun-exposure once a year or so while I'm playing volleyball outside or visiting the beach, not because I actively seek out the "tan look" or sunbathe (I'm of Italian ancestry anyway, so I look plenty tan without any help from the sun.)

[foxytaur (imported)]

Laser works best if your skin is of lighter color and fuzz is dark and thick. the thick hair shafts easily absorb the laser and although scarring occurs it can easily be resolved if anything laser is the same treatment used to get rid of wrinkles so hehe its a bonus.

Electrolysis on the other hand is the more effective treatment for lighter hair and darker toned skin.

A combination of the two is usually the best for optimal efficiency for your buck

NB = As for tanning my sis does it all the time. Secretly her demise will be wrinkles Muhahaha

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG, DAY

TWENTY-EIGHT:

All righty, I definitely have a couple of amusing updates today.

First of all, I've been waiting to say something about this for quite a while now, because I'm always afraid that it's just my mind seeing things that aren't there, but I am now pretty confident that my body hair is indeed starting to grow more slowly. I've shaved my arms and legs a lot over the past year, and usually it only takes about 3 or 4 days after I do it before it's once again long enough that I need to shave it again. In fact, that's one of the main reasons why I haven't done it more often even though I really like it, is just because it's such a big hassle to keep up with. But not anymore!

I have not touched either my arms or my legs with a razor in SIX DAYS now, and the stubble is still just barely poking out at all, maybe about a millimeter-and-a-half at the most. And while this is less noticeable on parts of my body where the hair is still very thick, mainly my chest, face, and certain parts of my legs, my arms have gotten downright bare! The hair looks sparser, and doesn't feel as prickly as it once was. Again, it's a minute change, but definitely noticeable to me. And here is some visual evidence to back up these claims:

http://i49.tinypic.com/20saxxv.jpg (This is a picture of my arm. The last time that I shaved it was last TUESDAY, at about noon, so this is SIX DAYS worth of hair growth.)

http://i50.tinypic.com/2cr3upk.jpg (This is a picture of my leg. The last time that I shaved it was also last Tuesday, so once again, this is SIX DAYS worth of growth.)

http://i47.tinypic.com/219qjo7.jpg (And finally, here is a close-up of my facial hair area. [side note: of all the lessening that's been going on, this has definitely lessened the least. But oh well.] Nonetheless, you know how most people talk about "5-o'clock shadow?" Well, this is two-day shadow for me. I last shaved my face yesterday morning at about 11:30, and this picture was taken today at about 9:00 p.m. So while normal "5-o'clock shadow" appears about 10 hours after shaving, this is 33 hours worth of facial hair growth for me.)

And now, as a complete non-sequitor, remember back when I posted those pictures of myself in "girl mode" for the first time? And I tried to take a good close-up picture, but I really wasn't happy with it? Well, EUREKA!!! I finally found a solution. And it was a simple one. Rather than trying to take a picture of what I was seeing in the mirror, I just had to point the camera directly at myself and then use the mirror to see what was on my camera's LCD display. And so, I FINALLY got a good straight-on close-up shot that I am actually happy with. Disregard the last full-face picture that I uploaded. THIS is the new me! http://i45.tinypic.com/288w4dw.jpg (And yes, this was also just taken tonight, so this is with the 33-hour lack of facial shaving as well.)

Needless to say, the early signs of reduced body hair are making me REALLY happy! I've hated the stuff for my ENTIRE life, even as a kid. (Yes, even back before I had that gross dark masculine-pattern body hair everywhere, I STILL hated the little childish hairs that were there. So I have been waiting for this for a LONG time.) And since this is one of the main effects of Finasteride rather than just Androcur and estrogen, this process has been allowed to continue completely uninhibited by the delivery delay, since I was never in any danger of running out of Finasteride, and have still been on full doses of it even over the last week.

And now, for the BEST news of all!!!!! IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!! My backup HRT shipment has arrived in record-fast time, taking the absolute minimum time that was even possible, a mere 7 days, to arrive. I am SO glad I decided to get this backup order! The main order still hasn't arrived, but HALLELUJAH, I finally officially have a full HRT regiment back. So as of tonight, I am back on a full dose of androcur, and as of tomorrow morning, my journey toward womanhood will FINALLY officially be continuing.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and love, everyone!

-Carrie