Cheetaking243's Official Hormone Trial!

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Your experiences with estrogen are wonderfully positive, and maybe it can make more men happier than we realise? Perhaps in small doses? Like with me, I've always considered myself to have feminine sides, but I've never desired to have the female body in any way (though my skin is pretty naturally smooth and soft for a guy), so I wouldn't be too keen on suddenly sprouting breasts and big hips!

And just so we're clear on this, I HAVE wanted a female body ever since I was about 13. All of it... breasts, hips, smooth skin, a female voice, and the vagina to go along with it. So again, it's likely that a lot of my happiness is related to this feeling of FINALLY being on the path to achieving my dream after 15 years of feeling trapped in a male body that I hated. In addition to my increased pleasure, there is also a feeling

like a 2-ton boulder has been lifted off

of my shoulders, and that I'm finally becoming the person that I've always wanted to be. And something strange is indeed going on. Even though the E is fading away, and the last of it is now leaving my system (thanks a lot, American postal service...) that feeling of completeness, and personal happiness, and loving life, is still there. I barely feel any different. So fair warning, I suspect that a lot of this happiness that I report is related to my transsexualism, and the decision to finally embrace it, as much as the effects of estrogen on the brain. I suspect that someone else's mileage would REALLY vary with this.

[Wolf-Pup (imported)]

To put it simply, Estrogen is NOT an anti-depressant. They don't give it to depressed men or women. The mental changes Estrogen cause don't generally start for many months, 6+

It will cause PERMANENT changes in the brain over time. It isn't a happy drug, and most MEN would hate the effects of it. As soon as they lost their erections or ability to maintain, would be the opposite of happy. Men who have health issues like prostate cancer who have had to use estrogen don't like it. This is just one person's experience who NEEDS it.

CheetaKing is happy because she wants these changes and it is RIGHT for her. Most of it is the weight being lifted as she said. Hormones aren't something one should try on a whim or a lark. If you want a happy drug smoke marijuana just not in excess.

[~Tiamat~ (imported)]

The mental changes Estrogen cause don't generally start for many months, 6+

Are you certain this is for moods and not for the long term brain structure changes? I'm sure there's a huge psycological element to it but I don't think it's just that. My moods are often the first indicator things are stalling again or whatever. XX women get mood swings during their cycles, in fact there have been several studies on the periodic mental changes, and steroid users get short term emotional changes too, and again there have been studies on people's behavior after oral testosterone compared with placebo. In fact for the couple of women with irregular periods I know their moods obviously change before they're even aware they're coming on.

[foxytaur (imported)]

I agree with wolf pup, to be honest i could care less about getting an erection, id care however a complete loss of my sexual mood or libido . call it something akin to quasi female male libido. hence why id want to go on a small dose of spiro and medium dose of E. So that little remnant T that is left behind serves to spice my other less interested side.

Like Ive said before, I dont need my penis to penetrate in fact i hate penetration, never have i gotten in the mood to top.

I don't care if I end up sterile, and don't want children, (ill just spoil my nieces and younger sisters siblings provided she receives me well which she sorta meeehhhh on the whole thing calling me an idiot for wanting to be female.

"Being a girl is meant and reserved for girls only ". act like a girly girl woman basically.

essentially calling me a transvestite, freak or well pfttt.....whatever.

She recently purchased a new $1000 handbag and told me how it looked.

i said it looked pretty neat but what a waste. I could have spent that on supplements, some awesome vegan foods.

Use some of that cash to shop for rebel clothing,some girly tops, to match with some skinny jeans i have at home. Male and female attire blending essentially and purchase of course a sweet Fidel styled military hat and decorate it girly. adding sweet pins and buttons and well shiny bright colorful things to it

NB = Captain pickard Facepalm. I don't need to stress that my sis doesn't understand gender variance. shes still stuck with a binary model. Im not really in good terms with her either.

NB = Is it odd I don't really feel emotinally connected with either my mom or sisters?

It hurts but I like to feel optimistic that ill meet new people along the way and my new world becomes my new family.

[Wolf-Pup (imported)]

Are you certain this is for moods and not for the long term brain structure changes? I'm sure there's a huge psycological element to it but I don't think it's just that. My moods are often the first indicator things are stalling again or whatever. XX women get mood swings during their cycles, in fact there have been several studies on the periodic mental changes, and steroid users get short term emotional changes too, and again there have been studies on people's behavior after oral testosterone compared with placebo. In fact for the couple of women with irregular periods I know their moods obviously change before they're even aware they're coming on.

If you've been on estrogen long enough and your body is adjusted to it then fluctuations in those levels will have an impact. I'm on testosterone injections, and originally was doing them once a week. By the 6th and 7th day I didn't feel nearly as good as the other days. I switched to taking half the dose every 4 days to avoid that roller coaster affect.

If we are talking about a normal male body just starting out on estrogen, it takes a while for the mental side of things to start changing in a permanent manner. I've been reading about estrogen and hormones for 30+ years (I thought in my youth I may have been TG but realized over time that I wasn't). I'm still active on TG websites (stories mostly) but still read information as I come across it.

Normally the first indicators are the nipples being tender and other physical effects. Everyone is different of course and maybe some people are more sensitive to E to begin with. Maybe if they were low T starting out that could also have an impact.

My original point was simply that Estrogen is not a 'happy' drug and won't make a depressed man happy again.

[foxytaur (imported)]

LOL of course it wont a guy happy. He'll start Bawww....ing and sobbing till no end.

My mom continually spazzes shit at me to no end though.

I crawl back to my hiding place. either bedroom or the bathroom, run the tap water and stare at it for maybe 10-30 min before going back again to finish my asignment. (most of times i make sure to do them at school cuz i cant study worth shit at home with malifacent waiting by the doorstep.)

If I were on E Im guessing I might spazz back and go into some temper tandrums more than bawww...ing(crying) than anything else. Im making a general assumption.

Im not sure whether ill be crying more than going apeshit angry for petty small things.

You know how some wifes get angry at their husbands for the silliest things

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG, DAY

TWENTY-THREE:

So, remember what I said yeterday about believing that this temporary mail-delay-induced estrogen-free period was a test? Well if so, I had some VERY interesting things happen today.

First of all, I had a dream last night. In this dream, I was looking in the mirror, and suddenly my face was completely feminized. Such that when I smiled, it looked EXACTLY like a girl's smile. And seeing myself like that in the dream, I was just so overwhelmed with happiness. I was so happy for that brief moment in the dream that the dream-me felt like crying. The long hair looked so right, and my smile was so happy and cute, I was just overwhelmed with emotion because I loved my female face so much. And then I woke up. And that is the feeling that I started my day on. I saw myself completely feminized. I saw my smile, and I saw my hair, and in the dream I didn't feel any sort of regret, only a feeling of being completely overwhelmed with happiness.

And then the day started. For the first bit of it, I was just kind of feeling tired and unmotivated, and unfortunately the feeling of "normality" is coming back... not quite dull-gray-drear mode, but definitely not as happy as I have been. I really didn't feel as motivated to put on the wig and the feminine clothes as much as in past days.

Then something amazing happened. I did put on the wig. And after a long time of having the long strands of hair get in my way while I was trying to cook breakfast and play video games, I decided that I'd try pulling it back into a ponytail. And then suddenly, something happened. The gender of my face suddenly changed. For some reason, when the hair is just long and flowing freely, it actually accentuates the masculine features of my face, and I just look like a guy in a wig. But suddenly, when I pulled it back into a ponytail, leaving only the long bangs hanging over the very tops of my face, it was like a miracle. Suddenly, for the first time, I looked in the mirror and I saw a girl. Not just a guy in a wig, but I actually looked like a girl! I don't know what it is about the ponytail hairdo, but for some reason it takes the focus off of the parts of my face that are masculine, and puts them on the parts that are feminine. (Side note: this is the exact opposite of what transsexual support sites say about hair... they say that you want to hide your jaw with long hair, and hide your brows with wispy bangs, and whatever you do don't reveal your entire face.) I don't know why it worked, but somehow it did. So as of today, I officially have a "girl mode!" I'm still too nervous to take it outside, especially since I haven't even started working on my voice yet, but it still really has me excited!

Then the strangest thing of all happened. When I went outside to do my laundry at the local laundromat, about 4:00 in the afternoon, I took the wig back off and went back into "boy mode." But something bizarre has happened in my brain. For some reason, the mental image of myself that I have in my brain has suddenly taken a dramatic shift. When I was trying to form a mental picture of what I naturally look like, suddenly the image that I was seeing was of myself in "girl mode," wearing the wig. It took conscious effort to imagine myself as just having my short hair. It's insane. After only FIVE HOURS of wearing a wig that made my face look feminine for the first time, already my brain had started seeing that new person as my true self... as the self that I automatically imagine when I think of what I look like. And all afternoon, as I was doing laundry and eating dinner, that mental image stayed. And I still felt like that was what I looked like, even though I wasn't wearing the wig anymore.

I don't know how to even describe this... it's just... amazing! I never imagined that a simple change in hairstyle could bring me so darned close to actually looking like a girl in real life. And being able to perceive my physical appearance as female for the very first time in my entire life, God, it just absolutely blew my mind. And I loved EVERY SECOND OF IT!!! After today, increasingly my "normal" male persona is starting to feel wrong. And I'm looking forward to feminization more and more and more, getting more certain with every single day that I won't just like it, I'll absolutely love it, and that being a girl really is the way t

hat I was meant to be.

And no, un

fortunately HRT shipment #2 STILL has not arrived, and

there is STILL not a single word from the

postal service. It STILL just says "o

rigin post is preparing shipment."

So for crying out loud, postal service, HURRY THE HELL UP!!! You've got a girl who's trapped in the wrong body over here, and every day that you're lallygagging is another day of her female youth that she's wasting!

All right, anyway, here it is... my very first official set of pictures in "girl mode." It's been a long time coming, and this is the first time that I really feel comfortable sharing pictures. And yes, I know that I still have a very long way to go before I'll really start looking like a girl, and yes, I am still definitely more on the border between feminine and masculine rather than really looking feminine, but I don't care, I'm so happy with the way that I look in my very first attempt at "girl mode," that I just had to share the pictures.

For the record, all of these pictures are completely without makeup, eyebrow plucking, bra padding, corsetry, hip pads, uber-feminine clothes, or any of the other traditional things that trans-girls usually do before they attempt a "girl mode." (I can't help it, I'm a midwestern girl at heart. I want to look good just wearing jeans and a t-shirt if it's possible.) So, yeah, this is just me completely au-naturale, with the exception of the hair and a simple pair of women's jeans. So tell me, what do you all think? Am I onto something here, and really am starting to look like a girl with the wig on, or am I just building up delusions of grandeur? (I'm mainly wondering about the face. That's what I felt like suddenly started reading as feminine. I know my body still has a long way to go, especially my huge arms and shoulders.) Anyway, enough pre-picture padding... here they are. This is the new me:

Picture 1: (http://i46.tinypic.com/15rjd05.jpg) (Just me standing around in a door frame. And yeah, my shoulders still look too big, but whatever.)

Picture 2: (http://i45.tinypic.com/2lbi80l.jpg) (A different angle. This one definitely doesn't make my body look as good, but I believe it shows off my face and the hair better.)

Picture 3: (http://i46.tinypic.com/29bbw5g.jpg) (Another door frame picture. Nothing really different from the last two, but I just liked the way this one looks.)

Picture 4: (http://i49.tinypic.com/2vik112.jpg) (This one I'm really not as proud of. I tried like TEN TIMES to get a decent picture of my face closer up, but no matter what angle I tried to put the camera at, it just never looked as good in the picture as it does in real life. This is the closest I could get. And of the four, it is definitely the least-flattering, but I figured I needed at least one nice honest close-up, so here it is. Don't be too harsh on me. I know my face still looks a bit masculine, and I know my shoulders and chest and arms are still just GROSSLY out of proportion. But here it is anyway. At least it's a huge improvement over this picture (http://i47.tinypic.com/2db2nwy.jpg) from 1 year ago. (Seriously, look at those two pictures side-to-side... I think the comparison is really cool.) (Oh, yeah, and for the record, that old masculine picture is actually just the top third of a picture of me trying on panties for the first time... so believe it or not, that picture is actually one of the most genuinely happy pictures that I ever took as a guy. Most of my pictures as a guy are just downright terrible.))

So, yeah, this was a really cool day, and one that convinced me even further (didn't think that was even possible following the last two days of amazing feminine revelations, but apparently it is,) that my true identity is female. And hell, even if nobody else thinks that I look the least bit feminine in any of these pictures, at least it looks feminine to me. And any degree of feminization from my vantage point is an absolute good, something that makes me happier and more confident with every single day. The future awaits!!! Soon I really shall be able to live as my true gender, something that I could only dream about before!

-Cheers! (＾-＾)＿日

(Side note: It has now officially been an entire week since I've had a morning erection. Since I didn't really talk much about actual physical HRT effects today, I just thought I'd throw that out there. (And no, I really do not miss them. My life post-sex has been a thousand times better already than my life ever was with it. I've NEVER felt so happy before on such a consistent basis. So as far as I'm concerned, good riddance.))

(Side note 2: every time I've seen a pretty girl over the last three days or so, my brain has just gone "SQUEEE!!!!!! That's going to be ME!!!!!" )

[foxytaur (imported)]

Wow yer skin is much softer cheetaking.

[adam-in-texas (imported)]

Carrie, I actually looked at pic number 4 first and was blown away by how happy you look. I know you said it was your least favorite but all I can say is WOW. All the pictures really have me astounded by how much happier you look. There is this "glow" about you..almost radiant that was lacking in your early male pic. So for my two cents keep up the great work and your looking as they say fabulous-

[foxytaur (imported)]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8udQ-h4Y4BY& ... udQ-h4Y4BY

picture4 has smoother skin from what I can tell vs cheetakings original pic as a male before hrt. But give it 6 months and I'm almost sure the changes will be huge.

If your reading this cheetaking start cardio cuz E is known to cause insulin resistance, that and by toning the body it'll make it more femmy.It doesnt hve to be intense just 50 min of hard cardio 3 days a week on a fast treadmill to stimulate yer body. + female abdominal exercises and stretches

rest is all about what you eat really.

Nb = but seriously im not much of an active person at all. an hr routine from your day 3 times a week(well separated from each other to allow muscles to relax) isnt going to chew up your hobbies or funtime. Im sure this is reasonable for you cheetaking. I hope vid above was helpful. let me know if link works, again this shitty tablet doesnt have a proper way to copy and paste links.

NB = when yer not exercising doing small things like walking up the stairs, going for long walks is helpful